UK sends 500 fresh corpses to Afghanistan
The United Kingdom has today promised to send 500 fresh corpses to Afghanistan, to help the army in Kandahar province, where many British troops have died recently. The local commander said: "Normally these boys come here, fresh out of training ag...
Read full storyJimmy Carter Calls Rush Limbaugh A Racist!
Former President Jimmy Carter called talk show host, Rush Limbaugh, a racist after hearing that Limbaugh might try to buy the St. Louis Rams NFL football team. "Limbaugh can't OWN black players on the team", stated Carter, "that went out a hundred...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson Considering The Bat Man Role
A new movie proposal is being considered by Robert Pattinson, in the title role of The Bat Man! No, it isn't Batman, but The Bat Man. According to the writers, this will be an adventure comedy role here the Bat Man who DOES fight crime, but is act...
Read full storyHollywood Actress Comes Out As Character Witness For Roman Polanski
Miley Cyrus is the latest Hollywood star to come out in support of imprisoned director Roman Polanski. Polanski is being held in Europe awaiting extradition to the United States on an outstanding warrant in a 32 year old rape case. The victim was a...
Read full storyFabio Capello gets tough with hard hitting Tommy Cooper jokes!
WEMBLEY [LONDON]: So I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?". He said "How flexible are you?". I said "I can't make Tuesdays". Imbedded into the England team set up for some days now, our on the spot reporter, issued wi...
Read full storyMiracle of Weight Loss Revealed
(Alma, GA) Stating that the idea came to him after reading a Rant & Rave in the Ochlocknee Gazette, Dr. Walker Thronton, from nearby Lenox, claims he has discovered the long-sought secret to weight loss. "One of the ranters in the newspaper...
Read full storyKerry Kennedy Cuomo, Opus Dei Stooge
New York - (Hook, Line & Sinker): She once named Archbishop Desmond Tutu, Elie Weasel (sic), the Dalai Lama and Nelson Mandela as her all-time heroes. The following week they were all nearly bankrupted following the collapse of Wall Street g...
Read full storyDavid Beckham becomes Amish
Finally, its been decided. After numerous changes of image, David Beckham confirmed that tonight's look is more than that. He and his family have actually become Amish. Sporting the trademark beard of the Mennonite people usually associated with...
Read full storySalman in a remake with Aishwarya
Actor Salman Khan, 43, is back on top form and with the recent earth shattering box office response to his award winning performance in Wanted there is no stopping him. Recent report from Bollywood is that Salman Khan wants to patch up with his old f...
Read full storySarkozy Jnr. bids for European domination
French President Nicolas Sarkozy says his 23-year-old son has been "Treated like a bleedin leper" over his bid to secure European domination. Foppish Jean Sarkozy, who is bidding to be head of the multinational 'La Defence' corporation which suppl...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Proves White Girls Just Can't Rap
MALIBU BEACH - Miley Cyrus, also known as Hannah Montana, did her Twitter-going-away swan song and proved for all the world to see that the little 16-year-old white girl sadly cannot do rap music. Miley, with four backup dancers, four backup singe...
Read full storyStudent Parties Have Royal Backing
Telling uni students how to party would appear to be on a par with instructing babies how to suckle. But Scottish undergraduates are being told to follow strict criteria when partying, to cause as much annoyance to their neighbours in their town tene...
Read full storyRush Limbaugh Attains Divinity, Demands Human Sacrifices
In an interview with the Today Show's Jaime Gangel, conservative talk show host Rush Limbaugh denied being the leader of the Republican Party, instead declaring himself its "Demi-God". Laughing maniacally, Limbaugh then demanded tribute in the form...
Read full storyMass Penguin Migration Day to be marked with New Holiday
A mass migration of penguins has begun in the southern seas. This migration began last Tuesday but was only recognised yesterday when satellite images from Space recorded their activities on Saturday. It is believed that this migration will include...
Read full storyJesus (no relation) Budda, infamous Spoofer breaks ranks and barricades himself in!
JB better known as Jesus Budda, alias Chamone, alias PMP, alias Quasimodo amongst others has broken ranks, severed all ties and set up his own forum amongst the Spoof forums, cheeky buggar! JB has built fire-walls, atomic warheads, employed the Pe...
Read full storyI'm So Glad We Came To Paris
I can't believe it's finally come true. My whole life I've wanted to come here, to Love's capital of the world, gay Paris. And I owe it all to you. Nick, today has been so amazing, and you've made it all possible: the Louvre, Notre Dame, le mayonnaise - everything has been filled with romance and passion, just like when we first met. That is why tonight, now that we are back in l'hotellerie, I...
Read full storyFilippa Hamilton on Weight Lookers' most wanted list
New York City, New York - Filippa Hamilton, the former model who was fired by Ralph Lauren for her excessive weight gain, is now being sought after by Weight Lookers. In fact, they've recently added to their ten most wanted list, a list they've kept...
Read full storyWorn out masked rockers KISS, release new album + new make-up line for their wrinkled fans!
Geriatric KISS, make-up and release their new album to celebrate 35 years in the rock business! Parallel to their new album release, which no person under the age of 45 would be seen dead with, they are launching their new, non-runny, make-up line...
Read full storyAlbania want Mother Teresa back to boost their tourist industry!
Legend Mother Teresa is being demanded back by the tourist authorities in Albania, her birthplace! India have ridiculed the bid and told Albania to look for someone else to boost their tourism, unfortunately the only other well-known Albanians are...
Read full storyMonkey Woods Makes Uninformed Decision With Dire Consequences
It might have been a scene out of an international best-selling novel by a top author, but it wasn't, it was just a man making a silly mistake about the purchase - or not, as it happens - of an umbrella on Monday night, which resulted in a soaking on...
Read full story"Paranormal Activity" Will Scare The Crap Out Of You!
The new low-budget movie is anything but low on the chill bumps as a couple filming their own life story take on something without a natural life or that's the way it seems. This movie, which has paid only $500,000 plus a percentage of the intake...
Read full story'Wreck of Hesperus' found in North of England canal basin
British Waterways chiefs were yesterday said to be agog at the news that the 'Wreck of the Hesperus' had been found lying in a shallow basin on the Leeds and Liverpool canal near Chorley, Lancashire, England. North of England BW representative, Al...
Read full storyNew York City Has 39,000 Homeless People - Rev. Sharpton Says "Let's Send 'Em To Mexico"
NEW YORK CITY - The Rev. Al Sharpton, who prides himself in being the defender of the little people (5 foot 2 and under) said that the homeless situation in the 'Big Apple' has gotten completely and totally out of control. The reverend went on to...
Read full storyOrganic Hospital Ordered Closed
Liberville, Calif. - Citing a "statistically significant" spate of negative outcomes for patients treated at an organic hospital and clinic in Liberville, public health authorities have ordered the facility closed and Hicks County prosecutors have co...
Read full storyStephen Gately Killed By Death
The inquiry into the mysterious death of former Boyzone singer, Stephen Gately, has released a statement into its initial findings which suggest that the queer Irishman was killed by Death. Gately was found dead in his apartment in Mallorca, Spain...
Read full storyCheryl Cole to Mime her Comments on X-Factor
X-Factor contestants have to sing live, but it has been revealed that Cheryl Cole will pre-record her comments on their acts and then mime them during the show. Even her banter with the other judges will be mimed so she can get her facial expression...
Read full story88,000 rise in unemployment a mere 'drop in the champagne glass'
A collective sigh of relief was audible around the corridors of Westminster today, as news of a mere 88,000 rise in unemployment permeated the cigar and whisky fug of the Parliamentary bars. City experts, expecting a much bigger rise, were opening...
Read full storyIts just another day in Hollywood
Hollywood, Wednesday. A spokesperson for a spokesperson acting on behalf of a spokesperson who speaks for a spokesperson for Lady Ga Ga, has revealed that nothing happened at 2.00am on Tuesday morning. Amid speculation and scuttle-butt, not to me...
Read full storyPortland, Oregon Apartment Complex Increases Rents to Pay for "Foot Baths & Prayer Rugs", Promises Eviction for Tenants Who Fly US Flag!
Residents of the 'Poison Ivy' Apartments, a 250 unit apartment complex in scenic Oregon, a state that has moved extremely to the left in recent years, woke up to find that their monthly rentals were going way up, at the same time they faced evictio...
Read full storyConfusion reigns as Obama told truth about Prize
Washington, Wednesday. US President, Barack Obama, has at last been officially informed that last week he won the La Belle Pizza Prize, not the Nobel Peace Prize as he was led to believe. Confusion reigned as every man and his dog (and even the P...
Read full storyMichael Jackson Spotted at a Memphis Burger Queen
Normally a regular stomping ground in life and a documented posthumous haunt for Elvis, a Union Avenue Burger Queen in Memphis, Tennessee was the site of a reported Michael Jackson sighting yesterday afternoon. Identified by at least five former m...
Read full storyConan O'Brien, Jay Leno, Craig Ferguson, Jimmy Kimmel All Announce Affairs
Craig Ferguson became the fourth late night host this week that has confessed to having an affair with most of the women on the show including Leno's "also with half the audience on a cold January night." After David Letterman's confession a coupl...
Read full storyLabour Predicts 'Landslide Result' in 2010 with Gordon Brown
There was intense excitement at Labour Headquarters yesterday as private polling revealed the likely outcome of the 2010 General Election. "Make no mistake", said a Labour spokesperson, "We are heading for a record landslide result under Gordon...
Read full storyChina's GDP could 'Have someone's eye out'
Emerging economic powerhouse, China, has been dealt a severe blow to its manufacturing confidence after UN health and safety officials found huge gaps in the safety of their products and a lack of H & S knowledge in production methods. The day...
Read full storyESPN's Erin Andrews and Skoob 1999 React to Rush Limbaugh's Bid to Buy Leeds United!
London,England/ Soccer Pillow Talk and other Bollocks - Soccer fans gathered round the tellies of neighbourhood pubs last night to catch the late breaking news, and soccer exclusive, detailing the Colony's Most Listened to Talk Show Host's bid to buy...
Read full storyFox News Reacts to Obama Gag Order on Discussing Health Care or 'Anything Else Anti Obama!'
NY,NY/ Media News Watch - Recently appointed Minister of Media Madness Czar (MMC), Al Franken, the 'Tasteless Troll', formerly of Saturday Night Life, and previously a winner of a disputed senatorial election corrupted by ACORN in Minnesota, placed...
Read full storyKarmic Hurricane Warning for Official State Opening of the Supreme Court
London - (Rioters): It stands on a convergence of demonic ley lines in Westmonster's Little George Bush Street where unmarried mothers were once burned at the stake. And twenty two years after the Great Storm of '87 the astrological aspects spell...
Read full storyN-Word is readmitted to the dictionary as KKK refuse to stop saying it
Equality and Political Correctness groups admitted defeat and have agreed to readmit the N-Word back into the dictionary. In 2007, the N-Word, regarded by many as the most heinous slur in the English language, was removed from the dictionary in the h...
Read full storyMP David Blunkett's brain may be detected by TEM Electron Microscope.
Visually challenged MP David Blunkett was yesterday the subject of much controversy, after offering to leave his brain to scientific research. Head of Medical Research at UMIST 'The University of Manchester Institute of Science and Technology', Dr...
Read full storyFabio Capello: "Tommy Cooper was my hero!"
Tommy Cooper's statuesque profile of Fabio Capello, or is it the other way round, filled the England dugout. Then Fabio 'Cooper' Capello told another joke; A man walked into the doctors, he said "I've hurt my arm in several places" The doctor sa...
Read full storyNorwegians Pissed as "Foreign Pedophiles" Persist in "Polishing the Knob" of Vigeland's Nude 'Angry Boy' Statue!
Oslo, Norway, / Statue Controversy Continues - Crowds continue to crowd around Oslo's most popular bronze statue in Frogner Park, drawn to the world famous figure of a naked male child whose penis has been polished to perfection, while the rest of...
Read full storyUS-Russia relations transformed
US-Russia relations transformed, says Clinton on Moscow visit. Secretary of State speaks of 'mutual respect' as reports say US will drop human rights criticism. "We need Russia on our side vis-à-vis Iran," said Clinton, "the best way to get Russ...
Read full storyRussians Admit Global Warming a Hoax
Washington DC: President Obama met with Russian Federation President Dmitry Medvedev at the White House. As part of the "resetting of relations" with Russia, a great amount of USSR archival information is being released to the USA. During the lat...
Read full storyThe Microphone That Kanye West Snatched From Taylor Swift Is Now In The Smithsonian Museum
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The microphone that Kanye West, aka Kanye Pest, took away from sweet, little Taylor Swift at the MTV Music Video Award Show has been confiscated and placed in the museum of Washington D.C.'s Smithsonian Institute. Vincent Fitzho...
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