MALIBU BEACH - Miley Cyrus, also known as Hannah Montana, did her Twitter-going-away swan song and proved for all the world to see that the little 16-year-old white girl sadly cannot do rap music.
Miley, with four backup dancers, four backup singers, and a 12-piece orchestra got into her soul singin' and dancin' mode and showed that she best leave that hip-hoppin', rip-rappin' stuff to Jay-Z, Lil' Kim, Snoop Dogg and the other brothers and sistas.
Cyrus, was clearly reading the 8,000-plus words of the song from a teleprompter and at times stumbled over the lyrics, especially the words "Yo ho," "Whatcha be lookin' at bitch," and "Getchur snizzle fashizzle pissle hands off my effen frackin' booty you uncutey."
And the 'throw down' signs that Miley threw down at the video's end can best be described as silly and uncomfortable to watch; kind of like listening to Condoleezza Rice singing an Amy Winehouse song.
So now, that little Miley has chosen to turn her back on the millions of young fans who simply adore her and spend billions of dollars on everything from Hannah Montana lunch boxes to Hannah Montana period pills says that she can concentrate on more important non-Twitter things.
When Cyrus was asked to name some of the more important things she will be able to do now that she is Twitterless, she thought for a moment and then said that she will now be able to take her time when picking out pimple cream at Macy's.
She also said that she will be able to figure out what to do about her industrial split ends. But most of all Miley said that she will now be able to devout herself to figuring out just exactly how the hell she is going to get herself out of puberty without doing too much damage.
And her dad, Billy Ray Cyrus proudly says, "My little girl will figure it out just like other celebrity females before her have done like Paris Hilton, Courtney Love, and Lindsay Lohan." [WRITER'S NOTE: Hmmmmm...]
Miley is currently in the recording studio working on her next CD entitled, "Okay, So I May Act Like An Uneducated Brat, But Dammit Y'all Dat Don't Mean I Is One."
