Emerging economic powerhouse, China, has been dealt a severe blow to its manufacturing confidence after UN health and safety officials found huge gaps in the safety of their products and a lack of H & S knowledge in production methods.
The days when the phrase 'Made in China' was a by-word for 'shoddy foreign rubbish', and made the average schoolboy chuckle, may have returned after a leaked report concluded that 98 per cent of China's gross domestic product (GDP) contained a little, squiggly piece of wire that could 'have someone's eye out'.
Concerns are also surfacing over fears the 86 per cent of China's output present a serious danger of spontaneously bursting into flames under certain circumstances, such as placing a lit blow torch nearby.
Insane top UN health and safety official Per Johanssonssonsson said: "The whole country is a tinderbox. It could go up at any moment.
"Even the bottled water produced in China could explode if you look at it in a funny way," he added.
Tourists planning a trip to China have been warned by the Home Office website to pack a flame retardant safety blanket, an asbestos boiler suit and eye protection.
A government spokesman said: "China is a perfectly safe holiday destination as long as you respect its culture and prepare accordingly.
"Our advice on travelling to China is no different to our suggestion that holiday-makers pack an anti-stab vest, a riot helmet and a sturdy pair of steel toe-caps when visiting Benidorm."
In response, the inscrutable Chief of the Bureau of the Chinese Imperial and Honourable Workers Means of Production (BCIHWMP) said: "These claims are preposterous. The safety mechanisms that we have in place are second to none.
"Only our fireworks are totally unpredictable but don't mention that bit," he whispered.
Sri Lanka will be next to go under scrutiny from UN officials who are keen to point out to their construction industry that a bandana and flip-flops do not constitute appropriate safety gear requirements on a building site.
