WEMBLEY [LONDON]: So I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?". He said "How flexible are you?". I said "I can't make Tuesdays".
Imbedded into the England team set up for some days now, our on the spot reporter, issued with a full uniform and undergoing the full training regime, was able to gain access into how Fabio Capello got tough with the squad after the 1-0 defeat to Croatia. The only words that Fabio Capello had uttered to the team after the defeat was the joke about Gym Instructor, which meant a more flexible approach would be needed in the match against Belarus.
As the England team assembled in the changing rooms, Fabio Capello came straight to the point and opened the team talk before the match against Belarus, speaking firstly to the England Captain, giving him the Tommy Cooper joke, "So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please? 'And a voice said 'You are.'"
Revelling in the Capello methods, the message was loud and clear for the England Captain to do the talking on the pitch.
Fabio Capello then told another joke to the England front line forwards and mid field players; "So I went down my local ice-cream shop, and said I want to buy an ice-cream'. He said Hundreds & thousands?' I said 'We'll start with one.' He said 'Knickerbocker glory?' I said 'I do get a certain amount of freedom in these trousers, yes.'
This meant that the England were to employ the Knickerbocker attack formation during free kicks and to roam freely on their respective positions.
Fabio Capello then cracked a joke to the England defense, "My dog took a big bite out of my knee. A friend of mine said: "Did you put anything on it?" I said: "No, he liked it as it was."
This meant that the defenders needed to give the tackles some 'bite'!
That was it, plain and simple and out went the England team. At half time it was 1-0, so Fabio Capello inspired the players in the dressing room with just two tactical Tommy Cooper jokes;
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it."
The England team players laughed, but they knew that the key words were "Go for it", "Give me a lift", "I'm not stopping you". Scoring two more goals in the second half, England beat Belarus 3-0, yet again proving that Fabio Capello's hard hitting Tommy Cooper jokes had worked a treat!!
After the final whistle, England manager Fabio Capello was his usual modest self: "Some things worked good, some things not so good. The players got better in the second half - what didn't work is what we told the players at half-time, but that's for us to know. Too many times we had to win back the ball, the ball possession wasn't really good. The win is good, the score is good and some players played well, but I won't speak about individuals."
