Merger Looms For Many Letters.
The MD of DFS today spoke of a totally hypothetical bid to merge with the MFI, M&S and B&Q. This would possibly make them DFS&MFI&M&S&B&Q. We spoke at TGI's over a BLT and G&T. Lyndon Stubbs, 48, used to work for th...
Read full story'From Russia With Free Love' by Ian Flaming
James Bond walked into his office in Central London this morning with a sense of futility, for he could hardly stand another day of doing paperwork. 'Morning, James', his secretary Miss Moneylaundry said to him, but he merely grunted a reply and went through to his desk. 'There's a memo for you from M', she called through to him, and his eyes lit up as he realised another mission was about to b...
Read full storyRod Hull Is Alive. Then He's Not.
For two days the world was on the edge of it's seat. It was believed that the popular and much loved children's TV presenter and Emu worrier Rod Hull was alive and well and not dead. However, investigations into the exact circumstances of the rumo...
Read full storyCarrie Prejean Finally Admits It - She Has Fallen Madly In Love With Herself
CHEYENNE, Wyoming - The ex-Miss California, Carrie Prejean, was in Cheyenne on the western leg of her book signing tour for her book Still Standing But Listing Badly. Miss Prejean stopped to have lunch at a local Taco Terrifico Diner. She was chat...
Read full storySpringsteen Forgets To Zip Up, What State He's In
At the rock concert over the weekend by the Boss, Bruce Springsteen, he stopped to say, "Hello Ohio!". Then he repeated the Ohio references several times until guitarist Steve Van Zandt whispered in his ear that they were in Michigan. "Sorry! Gett...
Read full storyTexas Governor Rick Perry Ready To Give Major Nidal Malik Hasan a Quick "Texas Drive-Thru Trial"
AUSTIN - Governor Rick Perry recently spoke from the back porch of the Governor's Mansion in a one-on-one interview with Dusty Nelson, a reporter for Austin's KICK Channel 82. The governor said that he is prepared to give the Fort Hood Shooter, Ma...
Read full storySpoof Club Part Deux
"The Bitters Bordello" It was 2:00 AM Brussels time when I made my way out of the Skoob & Thistle, still waiting for the burn to stop from the Jalapeno cheese burger I had consumed minutes before. I followed McCarthy's instructions down the alley towards the door with the glow of a red neon light washing over hand hewn cobblestone. McCarthy wasn't kidding. The neon tube had been twiste...
Read full storyKristen Stewart's Bad Sex Memory At Thanksgiving
While several of us were allowed recently to talk with some of the cast of Twilight: New Moon, the group somehow got onto Thanksgiving, being this time of year, and some great memories they had. Probably, the other reason was because everyone was...
Read full storyScotland's new national soccer manager must be red haired, have freckles and wear a kilt!
After sacking their national soccer manager George Burley, Scotland have had enough of "Anglo-cised" managers constantly cocking it up. The new search criteria is as follows: 1) He must be red-haired and have ginger freckles! 2) He must wea...
Read full storyJay Leno Books Queen Elizabeth II, The Rolling Stones, Charles Manson, and Fidel Castro.
HOLLYWOOD - In what Hollywood insiders are calling a desperate measure to try and improve the ratings for the fledgling Jay Leno Show NBC has announced that it has booked some heavy hitters to share the TV screen with Jay (pronounced "J"). The sho...
Read full storyPsychoTown - Part 7
Psycho Town Recap: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 "So let me get this straight in my mind before I attempt to explain this shit-storm to the Chief", Lieutenant Kowalski spits as he circles the room on his unicycle. "You released a seven-foot female witness and directed her to go to a sleazy Motel on the shitty side of town where a body is found in her room minus a head a...
Read full storyUS Santa 2009 is black! KKK, Aryan Brotherhood and other White Power groups cause national riots!
For the first time in the history of Santa Claus it has been annouced the official US Santa 2009 will be black. Another bastion of white supremacy has finally capitulated and as for a White Christmas in 2010 it will also be black! This has caus...
Read full storyDallas Cowboys Lose: Tony Romo Says He Wants Jessica Simpson Back
GREEN BAY, Wisconsin - Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo sat in the Cowboys locker room disheartened, dejected, and depressed after their lackluster effort (showing) in their 17-7 loss to the Green Bay Packers who were 4 and 4 coming into the game...
Read full storyLabour show true colours again !
A massive row has broken out after an Essex Labour candidate "need we say any more ?" called the Queen a "parasite" and likened her to "vermin". Peter White, or Comrade "oh" Shite as he is now known in Labour circles, used the arsebook networking...
Read full storyMad Men Couple Heating Up TV Screen
The couple on the hit television drama "Mad Men" that have been doing some pretty raunchy sex set scenes should be, and have been, given a pass from many of the TV censors for a good reason. The ABC Emmy-winning show featuring John Slattery and Ta...
Read full storyCarrie To Market "Peace In The Valley" Sex Toys To Christian Book Stores.
Carrie Prejean held a press conference today to announce a new product line that she will market to Christian book stores all across the country. "There is nothng in the bible about breast implants and there is nothing in the bible about persona...
Read full storyMariah Carey Has Kirstie's Disease!
Fans of Mariah Carey are wondering what's up with the lady besides her 45-pound gain? "She is very much in danger of passing the 200-pound milestone if she doesn't get her weight in check", stated a source this morning after Carey made a brief but...
Read full storyCarrie Prejean Proud of Her Christian Implants
In multiple interviews this past week, ousted California beauty queen, Carrie Prejean says that she is "proud" of her breast implants and that they fall under, or more appropriately stated, rise to the guidelines set forth by her church leadership.
Read full storyScandal: Doctor Dolittle Arrested.
One time naturalist and animal lover Doctor John 'Fishy' Dolittle has been arrested and charged with the murder and mutilation of over 16 people over the past 6 years. The doctor, who had a brief spell of fame with his 'talking to the animals' tri...
Read full storyAnn Coulter Cloned in Secret Republican Hospital Wing
Following the investigative report by Spoof staffer NickFun on Ann Coulter's Adam's apple removal, nurses at the same D.C. hospital report seeing a bevy of small female children with long bleached-blonde hair running the halls of a private wing. W...
Read full storyDoctor Who Not A Real Doctor Shock!
The old head of Doctor Who's University has shockingly revealed that the time travelling wonder geek never finished his studies and so is not infact a qualified doctor. Barry Trent, 96, claims "that fraudster has been getting away with it for long...
Read full storyEvil Sprouts: Created By Satan, Official!
In a shock discovery by Terry O'Flannell, 54, Brussels sprouts have been proven to be the creation of Satan. Long thought of as the tiny cousin of a cabbage, sprouts are known for their potent gas making capabilities and foul and disgustingly horr...
Read full storyMoonlite Bunny Ranch brothel reality TV star dead
Oklahoma - (Rotters): Brooke Phillips was found dead in an Oklahoma City arson attack this weekend following a fledgeling debut in the 'Cat House' reality TV series. The 21 year-old, whose TV screen name was Hoyden Brooks, was one of four found sh...
Read full storyDelroy Grant's 'gonad retry' defence
London - (Crimebotch): Accused 'Night Stalker' perpetrator Delroy Grant has appeared before magistrates and blamed a dyslexia hex for a string of alleged crimes. The 69 year-old has been charged with multiple sex offences which he says are the res...
Read full storyWorlds Largest Cupcake Hits "Bit Of A Problem."
An attempt on the world record for worlds largest cupcake has hit "a bit of a problem" says event organiser Gordon Ramsay, 72. "We had the mix, we had the paper cup, we even had the mixing equipment," he expunged whilst doing that thrusting thing...
Read full storySome bloke reveals - Dinosaurs never existed
In a shock and unprecedented outburst of absolute honesty, Gregory Hammer, chief historian at the Natural History Museum, London - Earth, admitted today that dinosaurs never existed and that all evidence suggesting so was merely fabricated by over ea...
Read full storyThe Queen Must Die! Nick Clegg's spooky prophecy
London - (Rotten Fruit): An emergency coup d'etat will see the cancellation of the Queen's Peach on Wednesday. The prediction comes from self-confessed shagger of 'no more than 30 women' cum-Lib/Dem mouthpiece Nick C Legg-Over, 69. "All the sig...
Read full storyWinehouse Eats Dog Live On Air.
Horse faced pop strumpet Amylia Winehouse sensationally ate a dog live on air this morning, on This Morning, today. She was being interviewed by Phillip Schofield, 45, when the hapless pup strolled across the set. Incensed that the dozy dog had st...
Read full storyAngelina Jolie and Octomom spark Mid East security alert
Hollywood superstar Angelina Jolie and Nadya Suleman sparked a massive security alert when they got involved in an altercation at Damascus Airport. Nadya, known as "Octomom" because she has fourteen children, became furious when she discovered she an...
Read full storyLadies: No Pants in Paris Please
In an unprecedented move France's Ministry of Interior has acted on a parliamentary vote and made it illegal for women to wear pants in Paris. The No-Pants-In-Paris rule, passed unanimously in the French parliament, will become applicable on Dece...
Read full storyFishy Conspiracy
After considerable research, it can be revealed that the fisheries agencies around the world have been lying to us about Salmon and Tuna. They have maintained that the two are separate species, but this is in fact a lie. Tuna are adult Salmon...
Read full storyGiant baby destroys Norwich
A state of emergency has been declared in the county of Norfolk after a 30 foot infant run amok in Norwich city centre, smashing buildings and sucking on parked cars. The origins of the gigantic baby are unknown and it has so far evaded capture. I...
Read full storyDai Laffin - Remembering a mediocre life.
Today is the 200th anniversary of the death of the Welsh poet Dai Laffin. This much maligned and forgotten poet left the earth on this day in 1809. He had many, many poems in his repertoire, most of which respectable publishers identified as the...
Read full storyBlossoming like a Rose
No wonder if men have loved so much their mom. For instance, Neal E. Boyd, the winner of $1-million prize of America's Got Talent, 2008, during his audition, repeatedly cried, shed tears and emphasized his love for his mom. Man comparatively differs pretty much from other members of the animal kingdom, to the extents that one doubts a common creator. The female of this species, somehow differs...
Read full storySurvivor Samoa: "It Does Not Effen Taste Like Chicken, It's A Friggin' Rat!"
OPOLU ISLAND, Samoa - The petite, bikini-clad Southern gal Natalie hunts, stalks, traps and finally shoots a raging rat. The others see it as a varmint, but Natty the Belle of the South sees it as dinner. And although not quite in the Big Mac leag...
Read full storyX-Factor: The Show Must Go On But Without Jamie Archer
LONDON - As they say in show business, 'the show must go on.' And that also happens to be the song that Jamie Archer chose to sing in his 'sing off' with Lloyd Daniels. Simon Cowell cast his vote for Jamie. He said that Jamie not only was the best...
Read full storyObambi to issue new currency on Hitler's Birthday
BEJING China - Upon his arrival in China this evening, according to my source Noyen Tubuyca, Obambi declared that the US Treasury would issue its own currency independent of the Federal Reserve, the country of China, and the Bilberberg cabal. The...
Read full storyDallas Cowboy Cheerleaders Moon Romo After HE Shows HIS Ass in Loss to Packers!
In an ultimate showing of disrespect, the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders mooned star crossed Quarterback Tony Romo after yet another dismal showing. Unable to get untracked from the highly publicized break up with Texas Free Ranging Cow, Jessica Simps...
Read full storyAliens...they do exist among us!
Aliens do exist and are walking among us! Sound like fantasy? It's not. A researcher at Noncomprendia University has found startlingly strong evidence that aliens from parallel universes are indeed present on earth. Dr Honor Benda has spent sever...
Read full storyJon Ate Bird Shit Claims TV Lady With Eight Kids
An actress who asked that her name not be mentioned, has told this reporter that her ex-husband, Jon, the scumbag, ate bird shit. "I actually saw him do it and it made me gag", stated the unknown actress who will continue a TV show about eight kid...
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