Kristen Stewart's Bad Sex Memory At Thanksgiving

Funny story written by Bureau

Monday, 16 November 2009


The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Kristen Stewart's Bad Sex Memory At Thanksgiving

While several of us were allowed recently to talk with some of the cast of Twilight: New Moon, the group somehow got onto Thanksgiving, being this time of year, and some great memories they had.

Probably, the other reason was because everyone was getting hungry waiting for a catering service to get set up.

Then, one of the prop guys started telling the group about an embarrassing thing happening with his folks that had something to do with him, who was supposed to keep an eye on the turkey in the oven while the others went to check out a sale for Christmas coming up. Anyway, he forgot as he got involved in watching a Dallas Cowboys football game and the turkey caught on fire.

The episode was hilarious but then Robert Pattinson asked Kristen Stewart to tell them about her experience.

After a little encouragement from Pattinson and a LOT from me and the other reporters, because of needing a story, she went on telling it.

"It wasn't all that much. It was when I was 12 and some of us were messing around as we were off school all Thanksgiving week and suddenly, this guy beside me -his name was Doug somebody and went to another school...well apparently he was high on this glue stuff and we didn't notice it so much. You know, we were just talking and joking around."

"Suddenly this Doug jumps out in front of me and whips out his you-know-what and starts asking me to do some things so I just turned and ran towards home and he kept yelling, "I know your number, I'll call! I'll call!"

"I got home and the phone was ringing and I picked it up and said something like, "Leave me alone you pervert. Leave your penis in your pants or I'm going to tell the police and I called him a lot of nasty names."

"Then there was a quiet spell. I heard a clearing of someone's throat and a voice said, "Kristen, this is Father Mallory and I was simply calling to remind your parents to be sure they remember that they are on the dessert list for our Thanksgiving dinner at the shelter."

She finished by saying she was sick and couldn't help them serve the meal that day.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more