CHEYENNE, Wyoming - The ex-Miss California, Carrie Prejean, was in Cheyenne on the western leg of her book signing tour for her book Still Standing But Listing Badly.
Miss Prejean stopped to have lunch at a local Taco Terrifico Diner. She was chatting with the restaurant manager when the talk turned to the sex tapes.
The manager asked the ex-Miss California exactly how many more sex tapes starring her were out there?
Miss Prejean put down her Buffalo Burrito and asked the gentleman what his name was. He replied that his name was Juan Jose Fernandez De Hernandez.
She smiled as said, "That's Hispanic correct?"
Mr. Fernandez De Hernandez replied "Duh."
Prejean then remarked that she had just made her point.
When Mr. Fernandez De Hernandez asked her what exactly the hell she was talking about she replied that there is no reason to cuss simply because he was wrong.
When told that she was not making any friggin sense she picked up her Buffalo Burrito and threatened Mr. Fernandez De Hernandez with it.
He became very angry. He told her to put down the Buffalo Burrito nice and easy and to step away from it nice and slow.
He then told her to pick up her effen Ann Coulter Designer Purse, and get her frickin, frackin, mother flackin' flumadiddle nalgas (buns) out of his restaurant.
She told him that this was America and he could not throw her out.
He told her that she was in Wyoming and in Wyoming a restaurant manager or assistant manager has the authority granted to him by the governor of the sovereign state of Wyoming to toss out anyone whom he feels is guilty of any one of five following acts (1) Causing a public disturbance, (2) Acting in a terroristic manner, (3) Making Taliban type remarks, or (4) Disrespecting food items.
Prejean rolled her eyes and asked, "How about 5?"
And Fernandez De Hernandez replied, "Oh yeah, and number 5...all of the effen above."
Miss Prejean said that she did not come to Wyoming to have an illegal space alien insult her like that.
Fernandez De Hernandez told her that he was born in Colorado Springs and that he served three tours of duty in Viet Nam. He then got in her face and told her that he was more legal than she was.
As Miss Prejean made her way outside she noticed that her car was being hoisted by a wrecker. When she asked why her car was being towed the wrecker driver pointed to a "No Parking - Tow Away Zone" sign.
Prejean started cussing and crying and saying that this is America and she is a beautiful, blonde, blue-eyed American citizen and that why is everyone treating her as if she is an illegal space alien.
Mr. Fernandez De Hernandez saw what was happening. He talked to the wrecker operator and the man agreed to put Miss Prejean's car down and he unhooked it from the wrecker.
Miss Prejean thanked Mr. Fernandez De Hernandez. He grinned and told her that he did not do it to be nice, because she certainly did not deserve it. He said he did it because he did not want her and her bigoted personality hanging around Cheyenne anymore than she had to.
As she was getting into her car the dethroned Miss California turned back towards Fernandez De Hernandez and said "I don't need no one to like me or love me because I have fallen madly in love with myself."
Fernandez De Hernandez grinned and replied, "I know, I have seen your sex tapes. And I really hope that 'you' and 'yourself' are happy with each other. Now get the hell out of Dodge."
[EDITOR'S NOTE: Miss Prejean was of course in Cheyenne, but Abel Rodriguez took the writer's journalistic liberty, which I wholeheartedly agree with, of going with the more well-known cliche instead of substituting Cheyenne for Dodge in order to achieve the desired grammatical syntax affect.]