Very Latest Horoscopes From Psycho Bob (Feb 8-14)
Sagittarius (22 NOV-21 DEC) You'll realize by the middle of the coming week that skipping your medications was a bad idea. For one thing, the voice in your head is beginning to sound a lot less like the telephone sex lady and a lot more like Paul Harvey on speed. Capricorn (22 DEC-19 JAN) Although you've never been one to believe in evolution, that orangutan at the zoo would pass for you...
Read full story0% interest on savings? Do something useful with it.
In a harmless comment to just the few people who comprise the BBC's total worldwide audience and anyone on the planet who has internet access, they today addressed anyone with over £100 in an account which was now at, or close to, 0% interest: "...
Read full storySnow Hits Number Ten
Snow hit number ten for the first time since the winter of 1943 at midday today. The surprise result was published by watchdog BFAPAS, the British Fear And Phobia And Spookyness group. "I received a phone call from head office at 11:30 this morni...
Read full storyJeremy Clarkson On Gordon Brown
Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson has defended his decision to call Prime Minister Gordon Brown a "one-eyed Scottish idiot" in an interview with Australian journalists in Sydney, saying that he did so in "an entirely economic sense". The presente...
Read full story"Obama's In Pyjamas!"
On his accession to the American throne self appointed King Barack "The Black" Obama has announced an anniversary party at his new White House residence. The party to be held in February 2010 will be a celebration of pre election democratic promis...
Read full storyJon Leaves Kate With Eight!
Jon Gosselin, 31 , has split from wife , Kate Gosselin , 33. He's also leaving the children with her. So Mady, Cara, Collin, Leah, Hannah, Joel, Aaden, and Alexis will have visiting hours set to be with Jon. In an interview, Jon tells that "some...
Read full storySteve Martin Plucks New Role With Banjo Album
Made famous by his absurdist stand-up comedy and zany Hollywood films, Steve Martin has also exercised his creativity on a more serious plane, writing plays, novellas, articles and a memoir. Now add to that some no-nonsense original plucking for h...
Read full storyImpeached Blagojevich Keeps Alive Proud Illinois Tradition Of Corruption
Rod Blagojevich is doing his part to keep alive the proud Illinois tradition of corruption in Governor politics. He takes the mantle from such staunch predecessors as: Republican George Ryan, who was convicted of racketeering and fraud; Democ...
Read full storyAll Religious Fundamentalists Shipped Off To Desert Island
The entire world breathed a sigh of relief today as the entire lot of the world's extreme Fundamentalists were packed off to an obscure island where they can follow their religious doctrines by killing each other off without involving innocent bystan...
Read full storyBarney to Enter Rehab
Despite the color of his exterior, "Barney the Dinosaur" has been feeling quiet blue lately. The 'purple one' is said to be struggling to make ends meet in today's poor economy, making this one hard year for everyone's favorite dinosaur. Tuesday...
Read full storyManchester United enter administration
The world champions Manchester United have been forced to enter administration. They are the first big name football club to fall to the worldwide economic crisis. The club which is owned by a mad fat American fella, said it simply had no choice beca...
Read full storyUS Airways announces daily flights to downtown NYC
Less than a month after a successful water landing trial on the Hudson River using one of its Airbus A320s, US Airways today announced twice-daily non-stop flights from Charlotte directly to downtown New York City. "You can't get any closer airli...
Read full storyBullying: If you don't like it, you can f-off.
The management of a school in the North of England have been desperately seeking the instigator(s) of a series of leaflets ridiculing the management and circulated around the school. It followed 2 incidents of bullying when a deputy head screeched at teachers "If you don't like it here you can f*** off" in response to teachers having a moan about their bosses. The first leaflet was entitle...
Read full storyAlex Jones Super Bowl Commercials Banned from U.S. Audiences
TAMPA-While most Americans were pondering how they might manage to purchase their next quart of milk, the great American gladiatorial clash between butt-slapping, land grabbing, pig tossing corporate-sponsored warriors went on as scheduled. As expec...
Read full storyTerry Pratchett - Most Shoplifted Author In History
Public Lending Right - whoever they are today released a statement to the effect that the most borrowed book from UK libraries over the past twelve months was : Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows. However, of far more interest to the kind of peo...
Read full storyJade Goody - The Subject Nobody Dares Tackle
What can you say about Jade Goody? You can say that she's having a hard time of it at the moment, but then sometimes it's difficult to sympathise. Goody caused an absolute furore over her disgraceful treatment of Bollywood icon Shilpa Shetty in Celebrity Big Brother. Goody tried to make amends for her blunder by travelling to India to take part in an Indian version of Celebrity Big Brothe...
Read full storyCouple Sprayed with Bug Spray!
In Flint, Michigan, two people (an assistant to the mayor and a local activist) accused City Councilwoman Jackie Popular of assault following a rancorous council meeting. Ms. Popular allegedly sprayed the pair with a can, proclaiming, "Pests! We...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson: Love Trapezoid
It has been less than three months since the movie "Twilight" has hit theaters, and its main man, Robert Pattinson, is already swooning teenage girls all over the globe. So, it comes as no surprise that the new heartthrob is being linked to the likes...
Read full storyDear Duff
Dear Duff, Just recently I seem to be unable to keep a civil tongue in my head. During a recent trip to Australia I called the Prime Minister a one-eyed Scottish idiot and I'm worried by what I might do next. You see I have an invitation to a garden party at Buckingham Palace this coming summer and I am to be introduced to Her Majesty the Queen in person. I'm afraid that I might blurt...
Read full storyDisgruntled airline passengers of Hudson Bay crash come forward
New information out of Boston today regarding the crash of an US Airways jet piloted by the now famous Captain "Sully" Sullenberger. He was the pilot who successfully landed the powerless airliner in the Hudson Bay without any deaths or major injurie...
Read full storyGerrard Could Be Out For Weeks - Liverpool Fans Panic
There was much dismay around the Anfield Road Stadium today as the full implications of Liverpool Reds star utility player and MVP Steven Gerrard's hamstring injury became apparent. Club physician Dr Lingerie De'Ath stated that the injury, which r...
Read full storyMichael Phelps Endorses Donuts and Bug Spray
(Los Angeles-CA) Eight-time Olympic gold medal winner Michael "Don't bogart the bong" Phelps isn't letting his suspension by USA Swimming or Kellogg pulling its endorsement deal take the glow out of his embers. Yesterday, Phelps' agent signed undiscl...
Read full storyPrince Charles 'a Jewish impostor' says Madoff whistleblower
London - (Pharoah-less Pyramid Scheme Mess): A top Off-the-Wall-Street whistleblower who dumped Ponzi scam artiste Bernie Madfoff in the FBI doggie doo-doo reckons Prince Charles 'is a Jewish impostor'. US Securities and Exchange Commission snitch...
Read full storyGoogle Zumziblatoo Hack Confirmed
In a hugely damaging revelation following last weekend's outage on Google, it was claimed today that by using the correct key sequence it is possible to delete entries from Google's search result listings. From then on, the same search will miss out...
Read full storyRush Hour Madness at Victoria
There was chaos at London's Victoria railway station this afternoon after commuters broke into spontaneous song and dance. The trouble began when the 15.45 all stations to Brighton was announced over the tannoy and a small group of travellers, se...
Read full storyObama Quits The White House
The 44th President of the United States Barrack Obama has quit the job just weeks into his administration. The entire Obama team has also walked out fuelling speculation that George W Bush will be recalled to fill the power vacuum. Obama has give...
Read full storyNadal's Throat Is A Bay Of Pig
Tennis Superstar Rafael Nadal has revealed the secret agony that has afflicted him since breaking on the Tennis scene in 2005; he has a tiny pig lodged in his throat. The Majorcan Maestro,22,from Majorca shocked the Tennis and Pig world this morni...
Read full storyCheapo copycat stunt says Sully as Australian plane ditches in Darwin Harbor
Darwin - (Pigs-Might-Fly Mess): "A cheap copycat stunt!" That was Hudson River hero pilot Chesley B Sullenberger's dismissal of an Australian Piper Chieftain pilot's miraculous water landing in Darwin Harbor today. Pilot Steve Bolle's emergency me...
Read full storyLast Baby-Boomer Drops Dead
Washington DC-- The Baby Boom Generation is dead. Wally Brady, 52, died last night from cirrhosis of the liver. He was the only remaining person born between the years 1945 and 1962. The generation known for its excesses paid the ultimate price.
Read full storyExperimenting on the Elderly
Technology companies the world over are recruiting old people to help adapt their equipment for use by the over-70s. As the proportion of 'Silver Surfers' and 'older iPod generation' technology users continues to rise, manufacturers have accepted th...
Read full storyHuman powered sub plagued by silly names
Ted Ciamillo decided that for his fortieth birthday he would build a human powered submarine and cross the Atlantic in it. However, his project is being plagued by people with silly names. Firstly, there is his marine biologist friend, who has sec...
Read full storySex and the City sequel to be set in Space
Days after the news that a sequel to the hit movie about sluts was announced, more details have emerged about the Sex and the City sequel. Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattrall, Cynthia Nixon and Kristin Davis have all spoken about the dramatic chan...
Read full storyObama greets 'good friend' Blair, and says 'Who are you?'
Tony Blair has become the first British ex-leader to meet Barack Obama since the President was sworn in. 'Whoever you are', Obama said, 'you're a good friend. A good friend of George W. Bush's, I've never heard of you.' This was at the National G...
Read full storyAustrian Woman Owes $30,000 In Parking Tickets
An Austrian woman has begun a 500-day jail sentence for ignoring parking tickets and failing to pay a cumulative fine of around 24,000 euros ($30,860), police said Tuesday. Apparently, the 38-year-old civil servant from the southern city of Graz w...
Read full storyKayne West: 'Rihanna stole my penis'
Rapper Kayne West has startled fans by claiming the Barbadian vixen Rihanna made off with his penis after a sensual rendevous in an overhead locker on a flight to Minsk. The two were planning to shoot their new documentary, a gritty look into the...
Read full storyHolocaust Denier WILL Recant, States Vatican!
The Vatican on Wednesday demanded that a prelate who denied the Holocaust recant his positions before being fully admitted as a bishop into the Roman Catholic Church. It also said Pope Benedict XVI had not known about Bishop Richard Williamson's v...
Read full storyToday's Superheroes
They're either earnestly civic-minded or people with blood not reaching the brain area because of the stretched tights, but in several dozen cities across the United States, men (and a few women) dress in homemade superhero costumes and patrol margin...
Read full story"Sack Clarkson" demand Scots
Scottish MPs have backed the Scottish public in demanding the sacking of Jeremy Clarkson for drawing attention to the fact that Gordon Brown is Scottish. When talking to Australian journalists recently, Clarkson allegedly referred to the British...
Read full storyPelosi's "500 Million Americans" Included Illegals
(Washington, DC) -- Yesterday, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi defended her seemingly erroneous statement that without a stimulus package "500 million Americans lose their jobs every month." Pelosi clarified the figure, stating "I was including...
Read full storyPotheads Rally Around Michael Phelps, Boycott Kell Logg Flake Company
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - The Kell Logg Flake Company (KLFC) has decided not to pursue a new contract with Michael Phelps. The subject of controversy, Phelps recently found himself pictured on the cover of a British tabloid taking a ripping bong hit. In...
Read full storyAn Army of Nuns
The Pentagon today unveiled it's newest initiative, an effort to gentrify it's troops dubbed "An Army of Nuns". Composed entirely of Catholic school sisters,the "Army of Nuns" are to be sent into conflicts where the enemy combatants are unruly or oth...
Read full storyMichael Phelps apologizes for having harmless fun
Olympic champion swimmer Michael Phelps admitted to "regrettable behavior" and apologized for it after a picture surfaced in a British tabloid allegedly showing him smoking marijuana at a party. The News of the World published a photo this weekend...
Read full storyFormer England stars for IPL
England cricket stars have proved very popular in the IPL auctions. Following the success of Flintoff and Pieterson and to a lesser degree other current England players a number of "retired" stars are considering joining the fun. David Lloyd, the...
Read full storyBear in The Big Jail House
'Bear in the Big Blue House' is one of the countries, if not the worlds, most favourite children's shows. But after the recent controversies, is this really suitable behaviour for our children to be exposed to? You have heard the latest scandals abou...
Read full storyTwas the night before the Grand Prix
Twas the night before the Grand Prix, when all through my house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. My Clothes were hung over my bed with such care, in the hope that Day 4 of the Grand prix would soon be here. I, not quite a child was all snug in my bed. While visions of Grid-girls danced through my head. My sister in her Pj's and my brother wearing his Cap Had settled in their b...
Read full storyBin Laden releases new video
Global terrorist mastermind Osama Bin Laden has released a new video, in which he moans about the West again. "We should return to a simpler and more peaceful time and live the lifestyle that the prophet Mohammed led in the 7th century," he said, car...
Read full storyDorothy the dino whore
"Dorothy the Dinosaur is a nasty Transsexual ho... And Captain Feathersword is her bitch." Stated one disgruntled fan yesterday. After waiting in line for 7 and a half hours to meet her idol, 21 year old Evelyn Jameson and hundreds more fans were...
Read full storyPeter Jones' socks to take over economy
The socks of businessman Peter Jones are to take over the management of the economy the government have said. Jones who is famous for being a Romanian Ridgeback on the TV programme Dragon's Den is said to be delighted at the news. Jones' socks fi...
Read full storyMandelson pens "Sex crazed Politics"
Peter Mandelson has taken up the pen and written his own spicy sexy novel. The novel which is due for release later year called "Sex crazed Politics" is about the sex charged happenings behind the scenes in the Houses of Parliament. The story...
Read full storyThe Dandy Piewayman
Local residents were left shocked this morning when a truck delivering Holland's Pies was pie-jacked from outside a chippy in Denton, near Manchester. The delivery driver, Pete Canpie, was unloading the delivery to the Happy Dragon chippy on Bakew...
Read full storyTrue British Grit not good enough?
A row has broken out after it was disclosed that instead of using road salt sourced in Britain, a company was intending to import it from Spain. As a new wave of snow struck the nation, salt suppliers have let slip that they will now be sourcing sal...
Read full storyOutrage Over Clarkson 'Idiot' Jibe
Outspoken Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson has caused outrage after he branded Prime Minister Gordon Brown a 'one-eyed idiot'. At a press conference in Sydney, promoting his Top Gear Live tour, Clarkson compared Brown negatively to Australian PM...
Read full storySevere Weather Warning: Snow
Snowfall affected many areas of Great Britain again today, bringing roads to a standstill, and closing many schools across the country. Millions of bone idle workers decided to start the weekend early when trains and buses cancelled scheduled ser...
Read full storyParis Hilton no Longer
The American heiress Paris Hilton is fed up of her name reports say. After spending 2 hours filming in the UK recently she declared she loved the country so much she was considering changing her name to Northampton Travel Lodge. Miss Hilton who l...
Read full story10 pence coin to be removed from circulation
The Royal Mint has advised that the 10pence coin is to be removed from circulation. Officials have realised that the coin is actually a little under an inch in diameter, the records list the coin as actually being an inch in it's diameter. There...
Read full storyMother of Octuplets Is Pregnant Again!
BELLFLOWER, California - Nadya Suleman, the woman who gave birth to octuplets ten days ago is pregnant. It is amazing. It is unbelievable. But it is true. Ms. Suleman says that she took an EPT test and the results show that she is in fact pregnant...
Read full storyFertility Specialists Assist Human in Controversial Birth of Octopuses
Advances in fertility enhancement have been a benefit and a bane to life according to the warring factions that have appointed themselves the guardians of the proper generation of human life. This week's birth from a human mother of octopuses imp...
Read full storyWorldwide Media Establish Thank You, George Features
As a kind of assbackwards tribute to the worst world leader in history, scores of media outlets around the world have featured ironic token of gratitude pieces dedicated to the everflowing disastrous results of the Bush Presidency. Night after...
Read full storyVatican to Produce Springtime for Hitler II
Mel Brooks has sold the rights to his Producer's parody musical Springtime for Hitler to PapaZinger Productions a subsidiary of the Roman Catholic Church and Candle Company Inc. Those in the know are predicting that a sequel to Springtime will hi...
Read full story99.9999999999 Percent of Brides NOT Virgins!
After a huge World survey was performed out of Boston, Massachusetts, it's been found that 99.9999999999 percent of brides have engaged in sexual intercourse before marriage. The revelation came as a shocker to the billion or so people in the wo...
Read full storyReport: Flight 1549 crew demanded to sing Super Bowl anthem
Tampa, FL-Last Sunday evening the NFL honored the crew of US Air flight 1549 at the Super Bowl just prior to kickoff. The heroes responsible for landing the Airbus A320 jetliner on the icy Hudson River without one casualty were given a loud ovation f...
Read full storyPawns Strike For Equal Rights
Portmeirion Wales -- Pawns began a strike on millions of chessboards around the world today. The lowly pawns are tired of being used and abused and want some respect from chess players and they also demand equal rights. Pawns want the right to move...
Read full storySkeleton baffles archaeologists
More developments in the story of the "longest dwarf" skeleton unearthed in County Mayo, Ireland, last week; Scientists are now saying that the 6-foot long man is not necessarily the tallest dwarf ever found - he may be the remains of the shortest gi...
Read full storyDarling's plan for the economy revealed
The Chancellor Alistair Darling and other G7 leaders have announced new measures to deal with the credit crunch/economic downturn/global slump/depression/armageddon (delete as necessary); Following the "successful" bail-out of the Banking sector (...
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