TAMPA-While most Americans were pondering how they might manage to purchase their next quart of milk, the great American gladiatorial clash between butt-slapping, land grabbing, pig tossing corporate-sponsored warriors went on as scheduled. As expected, and despite low interest, the "Hollywood Hoo-yah's" took that opportunity to spew their Monsanto, Micro-Soft and Pentagon financed propaganda on the intoxicated, if not sleeping, masses.
Who could forget a fat, ego-bloated has-been like Alec Baldwin (fresh off an Emmy win for best actor in a TV comedy) belittling the real effects television has on the human mind. Or how 'bout the well-dressed cosmopolitan Momma indoctrinated by the the latest article from "REDBOOK" about the myths of that "Magic Elixir" corn syrup. And let's never forget how our patriotic genitals were aroused by that weak excuse for a rock band Three Doors Down's "Citizen soldier" as it equated government paid terror teams with government opposed freedom fighters from times past.
Well, at least one man begged to differ: ALEX JONES! Aprised of the latest intelligence on the aforementioned deluge of media mindlessness, Jones went into over-drive to produce three "counter-commercials" that he aired on his network as an alternative to the main-stream "Super Bowl" coverage of the event.
Jones himself appeared in two of the three segments while the third was a parody of the Three Doors Down "National Guard" commercial utilizing clips from the film: TEAM AMERICA: WORLD POLICE; more specifically the song titled: "America, F@CK YEAH!".
In "Commercial One" Jones' girlfriend (Played by the "EVER-HOT" Wynona Ryder) is trying to feed our hero a spoon full of nastiness laden with corn syrup.
Jones asks "Don't you love me?"
Ryder replies "Why… whatever do you mean, Lover?"
Jones says "That crap is corn syrup. You know what they say…".
Ryder asks "No…what do they say?"
Jones replies "Well, how about one study, published in the journal of "Environmental Health", former Food and Drug Administration scientist Renee Dufault and colleagues tested 20 samples of high fructose corn syrup and found detectable mercury in nine of the 20 samples….."
The tirade goes on from there (Jones is admittedly long winded) but I think you get the point.
In "Commercial Two", Jones goes for the jugular as he body-slams the assault on rational thought by the "HuLu" Ad-Execs. In this segment, Jones plays an anti-thesis Alec Baldwin and instead of playing for laughs opens with "Look closely into the eyes of anyone who is watching TV. Most of the time they have a zombie-like, spaced-out, empty look to them. The brain goes into an alpha brainwave state. This state feels relaxing. Viewers become less alert and more passive. The state is comparable to hypnosis".
Jones continues his dissertaion with clinical study group findings and scientific documentation to prove his point and concludes with the statement "This is not an alien agenda. It is ALL TOO organic..and happening right here…by humans…on planet earth." Then he eats a chicken wing. But that's cool! We all love chicken wings!!!!
The third and final "counter-commercial" is a harsh indictment of the anti-American sell-out Three Doors Down (I can't believe I put them in ITALLICS) video "Citizen Soldier". Jones retains the imagery of the clip but substitutes the soundtrack with the lyrics from the TEAM AMERICA: WORLD POLICE song: America, F@ck Yeah!
America, F@CK YEAH!
Coming again, to save the mother f@cking day!
America, F@CK YEAH!
Freedom is the only way!
Terrorist your game is through …
Cause now you have to answer to…
America, F@CK YEAH!
So lick my butt, and suck on my balls!
America, F@CK YEAH!
What you going to do when we come for you!
McDonalds, F@CK YEAH!
Wal-Mart, F@CK YEAH!
The Gap, F@CK YEAH!
Baseball, F@CK YEAH!
NFL, F@CK, YEAH!
Rock and roll, F@CK YEAH!
The Internet, F@CK YEAH!
Slavery, F@CK YEAH!
Starbucks, F@CK YEAH!
Disney world, F@CK YEAH!
Porno, F@CK YEAH!
Valium, F@CK YEAH!
Reeboks, F@CK YEAH!
Fake Tits, F@CK YEAH!
Sushi, F@CK YEAH!
Taco Bell, F@CK YEAH!
Rodeos, F@CK YEAH!
Bed bath and beyond (F@ck yeah, F@ck yeah)
Liberty, F@CK YEAH!
White Slips, F@CK YEAH!
The Alamo, F@CK YEAH!
Band-aids, F@CK YEAH!
Las Vegas, F@CK YEAH!
Christmas, F@CK YEAH!
Immigrants, F@CK YEAH!
Popeye, F@CK YEAH!
Democrats, F@CK YEAH!
Republicans, F@CK YEAH!
Unfortunately, no one was privy to see this alternative broadcast due to a satellite up-link intervention by the "Committee for a Truth-Free Society" junction filed on behalf of the "Powers That Be" via the "Tyranny of Dis-Information Act" in an Eleventh hour session of the "Unaccountability Forum" of the "Office of the Departing President" in joint cooperation with the "Office of the President Elect".
But somehow I was able to get this much to you.
Go figure.
