Scientists at the Dolly Parton institute of Nipple sucking have been pawing, nuzzling and groping their way through research on the long term effects of breast feeding. Since infants take so darn long to grow up, researchers used themselves as the test subjects.
Ninety percent of the female researchers who volunteered to be breastfed shockingly became lesbians after just six months on the teat. Breastfed subject Butch Cassidy- Sundance said that she was once a happily married breeder with 1.4 kids and a manly husband who never came home:
"Once I got on the mammary gland, it was like some kind of drug. I couldn't get enough of the sucking and now mamma and I are inseparable except when she gets a litle sore."
Male researchers who agreed to be breastfed seemed to exhibit a very different reaction. instead of a sexual outcome or transformation, these subjects had an irresistible desire to change careers. Sixty percent immediately applied to become Bra salesman.
