Bradford, West Yorkshire - Angry scuffles broke out during a council meeting here today, between opposing factions in dispute over controversial plans to brighten up the city.
Council leaders announced that every building in the city would be painted bright pink and have wads of cotton wool stuck to them to produce a 'fairytale' like appearance. Roads in the city will be painted sky blue in order to give the impression of rivers, and all council vehicles will be made over to resemble Venetian gondolas.
"It's exactly what Bradford needs," a supporter of the scheme told us. "We've been regarded by outsiders as a drab, grey, dirty industrial hell hole for too long now. Ever since the Industrial Revolution probably. Our aim is to change that perception for ever by making Bradford a big pink paradise, with gondolas."
"I'll give him a bunch o' bloody fives in a minute," remarked a burly opponent. "We're Yorkshire we are. We're not bloody gaylord California or somesuch. We're straight arrows and we speak as we find. Quite frankly this plan is the brainchild of a big bunch of Jessies. And we won't have it. We'll fight it to the death if necessary."
We asked a resident of a nearby psychiatric facility what he thought of the big pink project, who told us:
"They send death rays down the phone lines, them aliens do. It's true. A giraffe told me that."
Meanwhile the bitter pink dispute rumbles ominously on.
More as we get it.
