Duncan "Forced To Lapdance" To Pay Bills
Conservative MP Alan Duncan continued his lament over our poor politicians, after claiming he has to "lap dance at the local gay bar" to pay for his expenses since the Commons's crackdown. Speaking days after being secretly filmed claiming MP's "l...
Read full storyPutin Denies Being Dobby's 'Long Lost Twin Brother"
Russia's President Putin has once again vehemently denied any connection with lovable House-Elf, Dobby. The reports flared up again during the President's visit of troubled Georgia, a country who last year unwisely tried to take on one of the lar...
Read full storyNick Griffin Left Red-Faced Over Food Blunder
British Nationalist Party leader Nick Griffin was left red-faced after claiming popular British delicacy, black pudding, is a product of "black culture" and that famous savory 'Spotted Dick' shows the "rise of the Gay Mafia". Griffin's ill-advised...
Read full storyFed Up God "To Turn Buddha"
A tired and overworked God has admitted to startled followers "enough is enough, I'm converting to Buddhism". The shock announcement comes after centuries of oppression and manipulation by one of the most popular religious franchises in the world,...
Read full storyTV Pitchman Billy Mays Died of Hair Dye Overdose, Says Toxicology Report
San Diego, California - Known for his pitch black beard almost as much as for the cleaning products he pitched on TV, Billy Mays apparently died of an overdoes of hair dye product claims the finding of a toxicology report released today. "We all...
Read full storyObama to Limbaugh: "If I want anymore shit out of you, I'll cut off your head and dip it out with a spoon!"
WASHINGTON, DC - President Barack Obama rarely let's his anger get the best of him. Nonetheless, Obama released the text of his Saturday afternoon radio broadcast to reporters in the White House Press Room today, something he has never done thus far...
Read full storyLockerbie bomber 'to be released from The White House'
The American man responsible for the Lockerbie bombing, when PanAm flight 103 exploded above that Scottish Borders town in 1988 and killed 270 people, will be released from The White House in Washington D.C., USA. Sources close to the guilty man s...
Read full storyPrince Jefri Archer is top gem heist suspect
London - (Flying Squad Mess): Brunei's leading mobster Prince Jefri Archer is the top suspect behind the $65 million gem heist at Mayfair's Graft jewellers this week. Jefri, 69, has been under pressure to replace Brunei's Crown Jewels which he 'sw...
Read full storyMaddie sighted aboard missing Russian cargo ship
Cape Verde, Atlantic Ocean - (WTF? Mess): A call to the BBC's Crimebotch programme has claimed Maddie McCann has been spotted aboard missing Russian cargo ship the Arctic Sea Men which is drifting in the choppy waters off the Azores. The freighter...
Read full storyDavid Moyes furious as Man City sign Mrs Moyes
Having spent the last two weeks blocking the various attempts by the super rich club to purchase central defender Joleon Lescott, Moyes was shocked to discover the signings that they had made without his knowledge. The Everton manager's wife annou...
Read full storySarah Palin's Facebook: "Dr. Kevorkian to Head Obama's Health Care 'Death Panel"
Anchorage, Alaska - "That's right. You heard it from me first," wrote Sarah Palin on her Facebook account most recently. "Obama has just asked Dr. Kevorkian, the guy who helps kill people that are about to die anyways -- I mean what's the point, righ...
Read full storyOld Trafford Installs Panic Room
The latest in designer security techniques have been made available at Old Trafford. Following fears that the once impregnable defence could be breached Sir Alex Ferguson has installed a panic room. The plan is to prevent unwanted visitors from getti...
Read full storyThe Kevin Skinner Singin' Lunchbox Is The #1 Seller In America
NEW YORK CITY - The Pandora's Box School Lunchbox Company has just been notified by The National Elementary School Info Data Agency that its product, The Kevin Skinner Singin' Lunchbox is the number one selling school lunchbox of the upcoming school...
Read full storyCharles Manson orders newly released Manson Bitch, Lynette Fromme to Kill, Kill, Kill!
After her release from prison after 34 years, Lynnete Fromme has received a secret, satanic message from incarcerated, loveable, Charlie Boy to "Kill, Kill and Kill" again! Looking bewidered and bemused whilst leaving prison Lynnete raised her rig...
Read full storyGitmo Prisoners Being Transferred to Michigan
STANDISH, Michigan - Vice-President Joe Biden has informed the mayor of Standish, Michigan Darnisha Woolcutter that the United States government will be transferring some Al-Qaeda and Taliban prisoners from the prison at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba to The H...
Read full storyHMS Victory To Be Centrepiece Of Guy Fawkes Celebrations
Admiral Lord Nelson's flagship has been in drydock in Portsmouth Naval Base for many years but is to play a leading role in the 2009 November 5th celebrations. A volunteer crew of Royal Navy sailors reinforced by several gangs of immigrant workers...
Read full storyNo Parking Space For More Army Helicopters In Afghanistan
In a surprising development, the Chief Traffic Warden for Helmand Province in Afghanistan has issued a dictat that no additional helicopters may be parked in his territory. "I am sick of these arrogant pilots parking in disabled spaces when they h...
Read full storyLast Living Whale on Earth to be Auctioned Off
Tokyo, Japan - Once upon a time in a blue ocean not far from you swam gigantic peaceful creatures called whales. There were so many of these peaceful creatures that no one could count them all. Everyone in the whole world knew that these peaceful...
Read full storyOmarosa To Enter Ministry!
To the surprise of everyone but her closest friends and family, Omarosa The Reality Show Villain, is reportedly entering an Ohio seminary to study for the ministry. Known for her "bad" role on shows such as "The Apprentice", Omarosa Manigault-Sta...
Read full storyTop Gear to star in Animal Crossing
A spokesperson for Nintendo has confirmed earlier today the Top Gear presenters have been cast as three out of a possible fifty real-life celebrity villagers in the upcoming game Animal Crossing: The Celebrity Neighbours. At the press conference, the...
Read full storyThe Health Care Debate: Is that goose steps I hear?
(New York-NY) Once again, to my loyal five readers (though I believe it shot up to seven last week), I apologize for not cloaking my viewpoint in satire. Simply put, there are just some issues that need to be addressed directly. Healthcare debate is one of them, actually the lack of debate. What is not open for debate is that the individuals who shut down town hall meetings were either directly...
Read full storyBryanair CEO, Mick O'Leery, Rents His 150 Foot Yacht For £1.50 A Day
Athens, Greece Working class couple, Nigel and Mary Woods, are furious with Bryanair CEO, Mick O'Leery. Having rented Mr. O'Leery's yacht, Bourguignon de Boeuf, at the reasonable price of £1.50 for a leisurely week of cruising on the Mediterranean, t...
Read full storyCrapping Gains Olympic Status
The number of Olympic sports was expanded further yesterday with the announcement by the I.O.C. that it would sanction the inaugural World Crapping Championships, to take place during the 2012 games. Initial briefings suggest that the format will...
Read full storyBarrack Obama orders a countdown
Today, in Washington Dc, President Barrack Obama told the secretary of state to ensure that a countdown into the life of Michael Jackson was started. Apparently, President Obama believes that Michael Jackson is putting on a charade and that he is not...
Read full storyOshkosh Woman In Running For Sexiest Vegetarian
(AP)Oshkosh,WI - If you called Gidget Sonuvabitch a real peach, plum or pear she might not mind, but it wouldn't be quite correct. Sonuvabitch , 50, of Oshkosh, is one of 10 female finalists in PETA's "Sexiest Vegetarian Over 50" contest. PETA...
Read full storySteven Tyler: Don't Walk This Way!
Steven Tyler is recovering from his fall during a concert last week in which he received some pretty severe injuries. He told reporters yesterday that he had twenty stitches on the back of his head and had broken his left shoulder, saying he had l...
Read full storyMan With The Foolish Grin Is Keeping Perfectly Still - Sandy Balls Dead, 92
Sandy Balls, Hampshire - A man named Sandy Balls, coincidentally of Sandy Balls, Hampshire, has been found dead after choking on his own phlegm. Witnesses described the event as heart wrenching, a sad ending to an enigmatic career as the town crier a...
Read full storyApple break into broadcasting
It is a move that has been on the cards since Apple started prefixing all of their products with an 'i', and after protracted negotiations, Apple have finally acquired their own television broadcaster in the UK, the beleaguered iTV. Part of the Ap...
Read full storySarah Palin Furious As No One Shows Up At Her Press Conference
WASILLA, Alaska - The former governor of Alaska Sarah Palin was fit to be tied after she had her campaign manager, ah make that her assistant, Emmy Lou Headwater call a press conference at Wasilla's Nanook of The North Convention Center and no one, n...
Read full storyPeter Andre filmed shouting angry comments about Jordan
Peter Andre has been filmed venting his fury about the actions and inactions of Jordan. Speaking in front of a room packed with fans and reporters, he spent twenty minutes venting his celebtrity spleen. "I find the whole issue deeply upsetting...
Read full storyQueen's near fatal seizure at Lockerbie bomber confession
Balmoral, Scotland - (Feast of the Assumption Mess): And it's all over for notorious monarchy hoaxer Mrs Joseph Ratzinger. A frantic late Friday night phone call from Prime Monster Gorgon Brown confirmed the worst: Lockerbie bomber Abdelbase...
Read full storyFr. Francois' Confessional #09
Dear Fr. Francis, I am thirteen-years-old and have been having a problem in school. It's really embarrassing, but since you're a priest and can't tell anybody what I say in confession, I'll tell you what's going on. There's this girl in my class, whose name I won't mention. Anyway, Alice sits behind me in class. She's really pretty, too--tall and slender, with chestnut colored hair and am...
Read full storyTranssexuality compulsory in British Regulation?
Under shocking new Government plans, found by this reporter in a Skip behind a McDonalds in Whitehall, I can reveal that it will be compulsory for all males in the United Kingdom civil and public services to undergo sex change operations or grow mass...
Read full storyFattest city in US hosts British chef Jamie Oliver's new reality series
HUNTINGTON, WV - Famed British chef, Jamie Oliver, is holding casting calls for a new reality show to be based in this West Virginia city that the Associated Press named "the fattest city in the US." Filming has begun for the new show, and the cel...
Read full storyPeter Hendy to Americanize London Underground
Commissioner for Transport For London Peter Hendy is no stranger to controversy. After proposals for the capital's Vertical Bus scheme in 2003 he found the sharp end of an deranged social activist's bb gun; costing him an eye and the custody of his c...
Read full storyUS Calls For Sanctions Against Evil NHS
Republicans in the US are calling on immediate wide-ranging sanctions against the UK's National Health Service. They claim that the evil communist-inspired regime must be toppled for the sake of world stability, and say that if the United Nations is...
Read full storyDoc wouldn't give man prescription-man bites off doc's finger
CAPE CORAL, Fla. - No wonder doctors all over the country are whining about their lot in life. Medical school costs hundreds of thousands of dollars; malpractice insurance rates keep rising from month to month; and worst still, if you piss off a...
Read full storyToday Programme To Govern In Place Of Parliament
Today programme presenters are cock-a-hoop at the announcement by Gordon Brown that he has invited James Humphries to form a government. "I realised whilst on holiday that the Today team are much more on top of things than the Cabinet and that, fr...
Read full storyNuns on the run-after robbery suspect
INDEPENDENCE, Mo. - "God knows I was terrified of pissing off the nuns who taught me back in the day," said TheSpoof.com's Fr. Francois Dubois, S.J. "But two Sisters of St. Francis of the Holy Eucharist convent scared the living shit out of an...
Read full storyMark Lester admits Michael Jackson spent the night on top of him
In an honest and frank interview with a magazine as part of his career revival attempts, former child actor Mark Lester, who wants to become an adult actor, has admitted that Michael Jackson once spent a night sleeping on top of him. This revelati...
Read full storyPattaya United Set To Announce Signing Of Newcastle United Player
It was reported at lunchtime today that Thai Football League team, Pattaya United, are shortly to announce details of a major new signing from English Championship side, Newcastle United. A report on Pattaya People TV channel claimed that "a major...
Read full storyNewspaper in Mormon town refuses to print photograph of legally married gay couple
SAINT GEORGE, Utah - Don't bother trying to get your same-sex wedding announcement printed in The Spectrum, regardless of how much you pay for the notice. A California couple, Spencer Jones and Tyler Barrick, from San Francisco paid the St. Ge...
Read full storyGore Fails To Impress
Canberra AUSTRALIA: A sense of disbelief reverberated around Australia today as Senator Steven Fielding publicly announced that despite talking to Al Gore he was a climate change sceptic. In a rather monotone press conference Fielding stated, "I talk...
Read full storyAlgeria Government Gives In To The Western Governments About Weekends
The government of Algeria has decided to change the weekend again to make it compatible with the weekend in the West. This means that Thursday and Friday will not be the weekend in Algeria anymore. Instead Friday and Saturday will be the weekend j...
Read full storyDick Cheney's Tell-All Book: "If I Did It", Leaked! Early and Mixed Reviews Already In
Madison Avenue, New York - Barrowing the title from O.J. Simpson's book, "If I Did It", former vice president, Dick Cheney, spells out in his version of events of those crazy days in the White House, using no uncertain terms to describe how he master...
Read full storyMichael Jackson's Glove, Magic Shoes To Be Auctioned
The one and only glittery glove worn by Michael Jackson and his magic shoes that he first wore while doing his first moonwalk back in 1983, will be auctioned for charity at the November 21 "Music Icons" at "The Hard Rock Cafe" in New York City's Time...
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