NEW YORK CITY - The Pandora's Box School Lunchbox Company has just been notified by The National Elementary School Info Data Agency that its product, The Kevin Skinner Singin' Lunchbox is the number one selling school lunchbox of the upcoming school year.
When you open the musical lunchbox it plays Kevin's version of the Garth Brooks song, "If Tomorrow Never Comes."
Pandora's Box company spokesperson Viva Chilakoot told USA Tomorrow that in the company's 60 year history, they have never had a lunchbox that has had better sales than the Kevin Skinner Singin' Lunchbox.
Chilakoot remarked that it has even surpassed the sales of The Marilyn Monroe Lunchbox of 1957, which showed Monroe standing over the air grating causing her white dress to fly up towards her neck revealing her underwear.
It has also out sold The Jayne Mansfield Lunchbox which clearly focused on Mansfields two biggest traits, the great big left one and the great big right one.
And it has out surpassed The Bo Derek "10" Lunchbox which showed Bo running on the beach in her one-piece gold swimsuit with her cornrow hairdo.
Ms. Chilakoot said that her company has added a third shift in order to keep up with the demand. She stated that a few days ago, Kevin Skinner actually showed up at the factory where the lunchboxes are being manufactured and took a tour of the facility.
She added that he was very impressed. He sat around and had a baloney sandwich with the workers who were thrilled to meet him.
He autographed their hard hats, work aprons, and in the case of Arlene Becky Bottburger he autographed her bra, at her insistence of course.
Arlene Becky just smiled from ear-to-ear as Kevin autographed her size 40-D bra which she said she had purchased at Wal-Mart.
Afterwards, she told her supervisor Cora Lee Skappowix that she was in paradise and she almost fainted when Kevin dotted the 'i' in his first name and then the 'i' in his last name.
Skappowix remarked that Arlene Becky joked that she wished that Kevin's last name was Mississippi.
Another worker Boobie Baumgartner said that Kevin told her that she sure smelled real pretty and asked her what the name of her perfume was. He said that he would like to buy a bottle for his girlfriend Wanda Sue.
Boobie blushed and told him that she wasn't wearing any perfume, but that she had recently eaten a pickled onion sandwich garnished with sauerkraut bits and she had accidentally spilled a little bit of it on her lap.
As Kevin was leaving the plant, Cora Lee ran up to him and handed him her size 12 underwear. He looked at her and asked what the heck these were for and Cora Lee smiled and said that she had written her home phone number in the gusset.
Kevin folded them up and put them in his blue jean pocket next to his can of Skoal Chewing Tobacco.
Skinner signed seven more lunchboxes, a blouse, and a pantiliner and left.
In other news. Governor Mark Sanford of South Carolina has finally reimbursed the state for his trip to Argentina to visit his mistress. He handed over to the state treasury department a personal check for $3,000 and two boxes of condoms.
