STANDISH, Michigan - Vice-President Joe Biden has informed the mayor of Standish, Michigan Darnisha Woolcutter that the United States government will be transferring some Al-Qaeda and Taliban prisoners from the prison at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba to The Henry Ford Maximum-Security Prison in Standish.
Mayor Woolcutter reportedly emailed Vice-President Biden and wrote, "No sir, no way. You gets them Al Cider dudes and them Talitubbies and puts them sumbitches somewheres else...hey how about puttin' their butts in Wisconsin, or maybe Delaware?"
Biden replied that the prisoners would not be sent to Delaware because it is a lot farther from Cuba to Delaware than it is from Cuba to Michigan.
He then added, "And besides, I live in Delaware. I do not want any dangerous terrorists anywhere near my nice, clean, white state."
Woolcutter said that if he tries to put those camel-ridin', towel-head-wearin' desert bast*rds in her state, she will make arrangements for Michigan to secede from the union.
Biden told her that she has no legal jurisdiction to do such a preposterous thing because she's just a lowly mayor, she ain't Nancy Pelosi or Bill Clinton.
She replied, "Oh yeah, will pay close attention crackerface, cause you is fixin' to see Rayfell and Cornisha Woolcutter's little baby girl in action."
The vice-president replied that she had better stop acting like a backstreet ho and start acting like the fine upstanding woman that he knows that Rayfell and Cornisha Woolcutter raised.
She told Biden to stick it up his Kalamazoo...sideways. He responded by telling her that she is so fat her crotch region has two speed bumps.
Woolcutter yelled back that she heard that astronauts can see the bald spot on his head from outer space. He told her that if she didn't have a dress and shoes on she would look like a railroad tank car.
Just then Biden's phone rang. "Yes sir Mr. President. Right away sir."
He hung up and told Woolcutter that President Obama had just signed a proclamation that will exile her arrogant butt to Nigeria if she fails to cooperate with the official presidential directive.
She shook her head and said that she was not going to go anywhere and that there was no way that anyone or anybody could force her to go.
Biden smiled and told her that if she did not go, she would be arrested by CIA agents and placed in a cell with Mustifi Nookibah, who just happens to be the meanest, nastiest, smelliest Taliban of the whole bunch.
Biden then added that Nookibah is so mean that he had once eaten a full grown adult camel that he was riding because the camel was moving to slow.
Woolcutter asked Vice-President Biden if he could get plane tickets for her husband and mother-in-law as well.