A tired and overworked God has admitted to startled followers "enough is enough, I'm converting to Buddhism".
The shock announcement comes after centuries of oppression and manipulation by one of the most popular religious franchises in the world, Christianity.
Speaking from His kingdom in Heaven, God states "Well it all went a bit far, you see. I thought it would be kinda cool to have people worship me and stuff, but when you get weirdo's praying for the massacre of homosexuals and black people it gets a bit much to be honest." On his decision to swap to Buddhism, he added "it just seems quite a peaceful religion really, no more wars between and fragments over whose church and priest is right. And that meditation looks good for my joints."
Asked whether He felt guilty for abandoning his followers who have ridgedly followed the ancient text book 'The Bible' for centuries, God replied sheepishly "I never finished reading it if I'm honest...It got a bit boring half way through so I just skipped to the end. I prefered Dan Brown's 'The Da Vinci Code'...that was pretty cool".
Whether God's decision to move on will destroy Christianity remains to be seen, but in these initial stages the Vatican, at least, seems calm. A spokesman said "To be honest, we are pretty sure we can blag our way through this, we've been making shit up to justify our attrocities for years..."
Meanwhile, with such a gaping hole in the religious market, retail giants and world domineering supermarket chain Tesco's are looking to make a huge investment, claiming that all other supermarkets are "false prophets", and those who shop there are sure to burn in "a crappy, perverted little local store, you know, like the one from the League of Gentleman".
