Pattaya United Set To Announce Signing Of Newcastle United Player

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 14 August 2009


The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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image for Pattaya United Set To Announce Signing Of Newcastle United Player
It could be Barton...

It was reported at lunchtime today that Thai Football League team, Pattaya United, are shortly to announce details of a major new signing from English Championship side, Newcastle United.

A report on Pattaya People TV channel claimed that "a major name from English Premier League team Newcastle United is on his way to explore a major new contract in Pattaya for next season!"

The name, who was not named, is sure to create massive interest in the resort, if only to give bored tourists something to talk about.

Speculation in and around Pattaya's bar scene was rife this afternoon when I cruised it, leering at the scantily-clad 'hostesses'. At the first bar I visited, Pussy Galore on Soi 7, one girl, Ning, said:

"I love you long time!"

After thirty minutes, I moved on to another joint feeling rather pleased with myself, and was confronted with expat Tom Doodlebug, a long-term Disability claimant from Gateshead. Through an interpretor, I was told:

"Ah reckon it's Joey Barton. Or one o' them other shithouses."

Whoever it is, the residents of Pattaya will be eternally grateful for the masses of foreign tourists who come here every year for the sex trade, in which they can indulge their every whim.

Here is the official link to the Pattaya United story:

Newcastle United Player To Join Pattaya United?

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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