Under shocking new Government plans, found by this reporter in a Skip behind a McDonalds in Whitehall, I can reveal that it will be compulsory for all males in the United Kingdom civil and public services to undergo sex change operations or grow massive breasts.
This move comes in the wake of massive criticism of Gordon Brown's government for macho posturing and a culture of intimidation towards women in government.
Under the proposals all males over the age of 16, who work in British Civil and Public Service institutions, will have their meat and 2 veg removed surgically, and will be forced to grow breasts by the massive infusion of female hormones and big old bags of silicon.
Hazel Blears, still reeling from recent allegations that she has allowed her image to be used by a Chinese Toy conglomerate for use on a cheap rip-off toy doll was today unavailable for comment.
However her aversion to the Spam Javelin is well known and it is thought that this radical move will have been sugested by her newly created Department of Wimmin and Sapphic Affairs.
The secret report also reveals that under the proposals certain male staff members will be allowed to keep their todgers intact, but will still be forced to grow breasts, becoming grotesque lady-boy characters who could be forced to dance and entertain senior gender reassigned bosses.
It is believed that this has already occurred in secret experiments in the Government's flag ship financial regulator the FSA, where lady boys are rumoured to have been placed secretly within the small firms division for at least the last 12 months.
Gordon Brown today denied the report's validity stating "A person's gender is their own affair, I for one am quite happy to sport my pump action yoghurt rifle and will not be losing it anytime soon."
FSA spokes-person Sir Hugh Squid-Beak was unavailable for comment today, however we hung around outside their offices and there was definitely a suspicion of a surfeit of spam javelins on the "ladies" leaving the building at lunchtime.
