Old Trafford Installs Panic Room

Funny story written by Earl Grey

Friday, 14 August 2009

image for Old Trafford Installs Panic Room
United's defence was helpless as the attacker bore down on goal

The latest in designer security techniques have been made available at Old Trafford. Following fears that the once impregnable defence could be breached Sir Alex Ferguson has installed a panic room. The plan is to prevent unwanted visitors from getting into the box. Should they manage to do this, the plan will then be to prevent them leaving with anything.

Security expert Alan Hansen said "Dreadful! He should never have put the panic room there. It's too far away from the box. An attacker could get in and make a right mess."

Manchester United hope that they will not have to use the new panic room, but players are being given training in how to adapt to life in the panic room. Owen Hargreaves is currently holed up in the room and is planning to stay in it for another three months. Michael Owen is expected to join him shortly.

Rafa Benitez was hoping for a similar room at Anfield. However, lack of funds means a scarecrow and a big ditch is all he can afford. The scarecrow looks like Lucas.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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