There were 1,103 spoof news stories published in September 2008. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
Sarah Palin Nude Vagina Hotter than Britney Spears?
With the great furore over nude photos of Sarah Palin circulating the internet, the question on many peoples lips is, "Is Palin's vagina hotter than Britney's?" In an attempt to boost her flagging career, dizzy blonde Spears flashed her bits for t...
Read full storySarah Palin's Porn Past
The Republican party was reeling this evening after revelations that its vice presidential candidate, Sarah Palin, had starred in a series of low budget Canadian softcore porn movies in the late 1970s. The films, with titles like Confessions of a...
Read full storySarah Palin's daughter Again pregnant with McCain's baby: This time she must carry her own child!
Sarah Palin in good Christian conservative responsible parenting is refusing to carry her daughter's second child by John McCain. "Our family teaches compassion and personal responsibility. I agreed to carry my daughter's first child fathered by...
Read full storyMan Shits Himself During World Record Fart Attempt
Mr Arnold Trumper was today being comforted by friends and family after a world record farting attempt ended in disaster. Mr Trumper from Dudley in the West Midlands was yesterday attempting to break the record for the world's longest fart. After...
Read full storyPalin Sought Big Fed Bucks to Find Cure for Crabs!
Itchy Sarah Palin, mayor of Wasilla, Alaska which has more pubic lice than people sought large Federal grants to find a cure for the crabs. Palin told a Congressional committee charged with investigating Pthirus pubis ("crab" louse, pubic louse) that...
Read full storyAndy Murray And Rafa Nadal Locked In 'Muscle Match'
Andy Murray and world number 1, Rafael Nadal, are locked in a battle for a Final berth against Roger Federer in the US Open at Flushing Meadows today, in what has been called the Muscle Match. Both these young men have impressive muscles, and deli...
Read full storyNipple Shots Of Sarah Palin Could Make You $100,000 Richer!
We have been witness to the incredible story of the first female Republican Party VP choice, Sarah Palin, (current Alaskan Governor), for less than 2 weeks now and both America and the World are still awestruck! She's 44 and she's hot! Not too young, not quite older, but just right, with that magnetic attraction men must hide in the presence of the wife or girlfriend or no sex tonight guys! Learn...
Read full storySprouse and Gomez Scandal!
TWIN TWEEN icons Dylan and Cole Sprouse have been caught in the middle of some pregnancy rumours involving Selena Gomez. Cole Sprouse was dating Gomez at the time, but things got a little out of hand after the boy's 16th birthday party. Afte...
Read full storyEmma Watson's new tits impress Daniel Radcliffe
Star of screen and Harry Potter films, Emma Watson, today showed the world and Daniel Radcliffe her new tits. Fresh from a trip to the Himalayas following the recent Olympics (the Olympics were of course not held in the Himalayas), the Himalayan M...
Read full storyZoofuck, the Myspace for Real Animals!
Most of us have enough trouble trying to get ourselves laid! But zookeeper Rubsem D'Riteway, spends most of his time as a mate procurer for the animal lonely hearts club. Koala bear Killarney tries to scratch out the eyes of every date they bring...
Read full storyRussell Brand gains American citizenship after MTV Awards
Russell Brand has been granted an American Green Card and full American citizenship without even applying for it. A spokesperson for the American Green Card Office said: "Well, we appreciate he called our President Bush some rather funny names,...
Read full storyMcCain/Palin Poll Surge Sends Obama Smoking Cigarettes 'Again'
Democratic insiders at the democratic national headquarters in Chicago have reported that upon seeing the latest polls surge in favour of McCain/Palin that Barack Obama broke down and started smoking again. Obama had given up smoking since runnin...
Read full storySandra Bullock says Palin was original role model for Miss Congeniality movie
Los Angeles - (Lipstick Pitbull Bitch Mess): Hollywood actress Sandra Bollox said today that the 2000 smash-hit movie Miss Congenital Liar was loosely based on Sarah Palin's own 1984 Miss Alaska award. Palin, 44, was sponsored by the Wasilla Gay A...
Read full storyHenry Kissinger Bids For Sarah Palin Nude Photos
Former US Secretary of State Henry Kissinger has admitted that he has tried to buy photos over the internet that show the Republican party's Sarah Palin in her birthday suit. Kissinger was speaking to the BBC's Emily Maitlis at the Republican conv...
Read full storySarah Palin Blow-up Doll Frenzy
Following the recent incredible success of the Sarah Palin action figure, a new addition to honour the vice presidential nominee has gone in to production. A life size Sarah Palin blow up doll is being manufactured at the 'Fuk Mi' adult toy factor...
Read full storyCERN LHC particle accelerator created a time warp! Welcome to Groundhog Day!
Cambridge, Massachusetts - Like Yogi Berra once said, "It's Déjà vu all over again." If you woke up this morning with a sinking feeling deep down in your gut that everything you have done today seems strangely familiar, like you have already done it...
Read full storyHSBC is next for bankruptcy analysts say
Off-the-Wall St, NYC - (Ass Mess): Leading financial shrinks say that Asian banking giant HSBC is next for the knackers' yard after a $500 billion black hole emerged in its official accounts. "This London-based Hong Kong racket bears all the hallm...
Read full storyLemon Brothers the new Enron
Off-the-Wall-Street, NYC - (Ass Mess): Four years after Lemon (sic) Brothers settled their $222.5 million Enron class action involving the underwriting of the fallen energy giant's hidden debt, inflated profits and accounting tricks, the Wall Street...
Read full storyBarack Obama - Freddie Mac-Daddy and a Fannie Mae Ho
Sept. 2008, Center for Responsive Politics came out this week showing that Barack Obama was the 2nd largest recipient of cash from troubled financial giants Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae, who were in deep doo-doo this summer and they were facing going b...
Read full storyKaty Perry honoured by the gay community
The female pop star responsible for "I kissed a girl and I liked it" has been chosen to receive the next Vanguard award for her contribution to promoting equal rights for the LGBT community. Katy Perry reached the number one spot with her single a...
Read full storySarah Palin Has Nude Pictures Of Warren Redlich
John McCain's Republican running mate Sarah Palin has told friends back in Alaska that she has the perfect foil against spoof writer Warren Redlich and his stories about her - nude photos of him! Mrs Palin said she had had Mr Redlich 'staked-out'...
Read full storyWalmart Buys Lehman Brothers, Merrill Lynch and AIG
Narrowly averting a massive meltdown, Wall Street firms Lehman Brothers and Merrill Lynch, along with insurer AIG, have all found a buyer. After weeks of intense negotiations and panic in the financial sector, and shortly after Lehman filed for bankr...
Read full storyHadron Collider's Inter-dimensional Financial Black Hole Blamed For Lehman Brothers Collapse And Coming Depression
Leading scientists and financial experts are agreeing today that the Large Hadron Collider has created a financial black hole so big that all the economies of the west will collapse into a deep depression that will make 1929's Black Tuesday look like...
Read full storyOlympic Face Sitting Continues
As we reported back in July the new olympic sport of face sitting started way before the rest of the games as it was expected to last much longer than the rest of the tournament. Well, we can now tell you that the final three countries are now in a h...
Read full storySarah Palin Nude: Confessions of a Spoof Writer
Sarah Palin Nude -- sounds silly, doesn't it? That's what I thought when I wrote my spoof. I've been writing spoof news - joke articles for website thespoof.com - for about a year and a half. I stumbled on the site one day on a Google News search and I was hooked. First some background: TheSpoof.com is a poor man's The Onion. The Onion is probably the leading "fake news" website. It is professi...
Read full storyNew Orleans UFO caused Katrina, Gustav says Pentagon hacker McKinnon
New Orleans - (X-Files Mess): Pentagon hacker Gary McKinnon says he has conclusive evidence that the Pentagon covered up rogue UFO activity which caused Hurricanes Katrina and Gustav. In a lawyers' statement issued today McKinnon said four out-of-...
Read full storyKeith Olbermann, MSNBC and Chris Mathews Fight
MSNBC anchors Keith Olbermann and Chris Mathews have had a falling out with the news channel. Due to flagging ratings and internal network politics, the two have been moved to different positions within the news team. MSNBC insisted that neither h...
Read full storyHadron Collider Results Announced
Results of the Hadron Collider experiment are to be published next Wednesday, but TheSpoof.com has received a sneak preview of some of them, and they make startling reading indeed! Chief amongst these is that the immediate area around the test sit...
Read full storySarah Palin Plays with her Pussy
Washington - After a hard day of campaigning Vice-Presidential candidate Sarah Palin likes to curl up at home, take a hot bath and play with her pussy. "Its so soft and cuddly, I like to pet it, its sooooooo nice!" "I like to stroke it under i...
Read full storyMarilyn Monroe's Labia has RFK Teeth Marks
The long rumored and whispered sexual liaisons between the hot blonde Hollywood icon and the political dynasty of the Kennedy's apparently is now confirmed. The perfectly pickled and preserved pussy of MM was opened wide yesterday by a team of forensic dentists at the world renown Mengle Forensic Dentistry Institute, Buenos Airies, Argentina. By comparing the dental records of Robert Kennedy to...
Read full storySarah Palin's Playboy Offer
HOLLYWOOD, California - Hugh Hefner has stated that if John McCain is not elected president that he would like for Sarah Palin to appear in Playboy Magazine. Hef said that Palin would make a great centerfold and that the edition would literally f...
Read full storyArctic Sea Ice Grows: More Proof of Global Warming
Scientists reported yesterday that the low point for Arctic sea ice in 2008 was 9% larger than in 2007. Global warming advocate Walt Meier expressed deep concern to the Walsh Strait Journal (WSJ), stating: "Even though the sea ice didn't retreat this...
Read full storyMan City Rest Robinho Amid Chelsea 'Own Goal' Worry
The world's richest football club, Manchester City, have rested their new £33million star Robinho for today's match with Chelsea, after fears were raised that the Brazilian might score an own goal. Robinho was to have signed for Chelsea, but was w...
Read full storyPutin blamed for satanic cannibals' ritual orgy rampage
Yaroslavl, Russia - (Bolshevik Ass Mess): "I blame bloodsuckers like Prime Monster Vlad 'The Impaler' Putin for these sadistic cannibals' satanic orgy rampage." That is one local mother's view today after Yaroslavl police arrested a gang of hum...
Read full storyJoe Biden: Wiki Vice-President?
Democratic vice-presidential nominee Joseph Biden will develop the first wiki in Observatory Circle. Following on Al Gore's technological innovations as VP in the late 1990s, Biden will use a wiki to improve on the work of assisting the President.
Read full storyEwan McGregor & Charley Boorman's New Adventure - The Long Way To Proxima
Charley Boorman and Ewan McGreggor have announced their new adventure, which will be made into a documentary to be shown on BBC2 and National Geographic in the near future. This time they will mount their 'Off-Earth' rocket bikes and start to make...
Read full storyParis Hilton Challenges Sarah Palin to a Catfight!
Minnesota - Today former V.P. pick Paris Hilton formally challenged Sarah Palin to a catfight. Paris Hilton whom McCain had previously picked as his running mate, before having her vetted and discovering she had done time (2.5 days) in prison. "I'...
Read full storyAl Gore is Spokesperson for Solar Powered Dildo!
Perennial Democratic Poster Boy Al Gore announced today he would be the worldwide spokesperson for the new solar powered dildo marketed under the "MEAN GREEN MACHINE " label and sold in K-Mart under the Martha Stewart line of household implements.
Read full storyIce Princess Sarah Palin Doll Sweeps World Markets;Outsells Obama My Little Messiah Action Figure!
Children all over the world have become enthralled with the Ice Princess Sarah Palin talking doll. Last month the hot item in figurines was Obama, My Little Messiah. In the fickle world of play things, the little doll called Sarah has captured ma...
Read full storySex Scandal Erupts Over McCain-Palin Tongue Kissing And Ass Hugging
Well, we could have told you, "I told you so!" So. we'll say it now. "I told you so!" So, here it is in all its breadth of titillation. After John McCain had delivered his acceptance speech last night in St. Paul as the Republican Party's candidat...
Read full storyAt last - Emma Watson gets her jugs out for all to see
Star of the Harry Totty movies, Emma Watson, has finally conceded to pressure from the Sun, Star and Daily Telegraph and has decided to publicly display her jugs for the first time. Following a month of tense negotiation with picture editors at t...
Read full storyBermuda Triangle UFO lures Putin's Navy to Venezuela naval ops disaster
Hamilton, Bermuda - (Extraterrestrial Mess): The pride of Russia's navy has run aground in the Bermuda Triangle after a series of UFO sightings. US Navy coastguards have reported that an alien mothership appears to have lured Vladimir Putin's flee...
Read full storyChernobyl UFO brings down Ukraine government
Ukraine - (Toxic Mess): A skull and crossbones UFO seen hovering over the former Chernobyl nuclear plant may have triggered the collapse of the Ukrainian government according to Pentagon sources. The Viktor Yushchenko/Yulia Tymoshenko coalition ha...
Read full storyComedian Ron "Tater Salad" White Blue When Collared For Drug Possession
Ron White, member of The Blue Collar Comedy Tour (with Jeff Foxworthy, Larry the Cable Guy, and Bill Engvall) was arrested in Florida for possession of drugs and drug paraphernalia. White, alias Tater Salad, is most famous for his routines "You Can'...
Read full storyPakistan shoots down UFO on notorious alien rat run
Islamabad-bad-bad - (X-Files mess): Pakistani military sources have shot down a UFO over a site that was once the location of a prehistoric mothership base on the notorious Islamabad-bad-bad to Kandahar rat run. Official government press sources i...
Read full storyHurricane Ike 'a cloaking device for UFO mothership'
Caribbean - (X-Files Mess): Hurricane Ike is a giant cloaking device for an alien mothership conducting reconnaissance, Pentagon sources said today. The craft may be searching for two extraterrestrial shuttles that were recently shot down by US Na...
Read full storyTina Fey (aka Sarah Palin)
NEW YORK CITY - An assistant to Governor Sarah Palin has stated that 'Salmon Sarah' really liked (and approved) of comedian Tina Fey's impersonation of her on NBC's Saturday Night Live. Amy Poehler mimicked Hillary Clinton, but it was Tina's on-t...
Read full storyArianna Huffington Challenges Sarah Palin to Mud Wrestling Contest
In an attempt to discredit the Republican vice-presidential nominee, fifty-something political pundit Arianna Huffington has challenged forty-something Alaska governor Sarah Palin to three rounds of mud wrestling. "We are going to roll around in t...
Read full storyTooth fairy suspended pending police checks
Children losing teeth will find no money under their pillows for many weeks as the government has ordered the tooth fairy to undergo police background checks before she can continue working with children. "Employees of all government funded organi...
Read full storyRepublicunt Palin Endorses Democrab Clinton for VPilf!
After only a week or so under the magnifying glass of US political media scrutiny, Ice Princess Palin has decided to that Hillary Clinton would be the best VPilf: "Clinton clearly would be the better choice. She's smarter, savvy-er and has actu...
Read full storyLarge Hadron Collider Destroys God by Accident
GENEVA, Switzerland - Concerns that the Large Hadron Collider might destroy the Earth proved unfounded on Wednesday, but scientists warned that they may instead have accidentally destroyed God shortly after powering up the machine. Detectors in th...
Read full storyEverton Boss David Moyes Banished From Dugout For Wearing A Kilt
There was chaos at the Britannia Stadium this afternoon when Everton boss David Moyes was sent from the dugout during his side's visit to Stoke, after the referee spotted him wearing a kilt! Moyes, who is Scottish, was deemed by referee Alan Wiley...
Read full storyHome Depot to sell Adult toys.
It's more than nuts and screws - Home Depot Inc, has announced today it's intention to open sales and service to an Adult Toy product line. In keeping with the building and home products diversification, room is being created in aisles and sections i...
Read full storyBristol Palin Baby's daddy Levi Johnston to be offered huge deal to play with Vancouver Canucks!
DIDJUNEAU - ALASKA: Levi Johnston, the 18-year old, self-proclaimed 'Redneck" and father of Rep-Veep Sarah Palin's soon-to-be born grandchild was offered a 2-year 20 million US$ deal by the Vancouver Canucks. Said Canuck GM Mike Gillis, "We're ti...
Read full storyCrisis Fixed: Ron Paul Saves Day
Congressman Ron Paul singlehandedly resolved the global economic crisis Sunday morning. The former presidential candidate used a little-known clause in the Constitution to take over the government. "I had enough," said Dr. Paul. "Those idiots have...
Read full storyConflict Arises Between McCain and Palin Over Product Advertising
Sarah Palin, 'hot' VP canidate for the Republican Party, has secretly signed a one-year contract with the $1.7 billion bedding giant Sleepytime of Trinity, North Carolina. This action is perfectly legal according to Professor Jonas D. Trampolene,...
Read full storySarah Palin, Barack Obama and Warren Redlich All Have Nude Photos Of Each Other, As Well As Of The Similarly-named Warren Reldich
The continuing saga over nude photos continued unabated today, when Sarah Palin, Barack Obama and Warren Redlich all claimed to have nude photos of one another, as well as of some 'made-up' guy called 'Warren Reldich'. Mrs Palin was the first pers...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan denies she is a Celesbian: "Only my 'girlfriend' is gay, I'm not," says Lohan
Hollywood, California - Apparently, Lindsay Lohan has been sleep walking these past few months while out on the town being photographed by the paparazzi holding hands with gal pal, Samantha Ronson (apparently the only lesbian among the two). Or perha...
Read full storyBoothroyds Personal Hearing At The FA (Football Asylum)
FA Man : So Bothroyd, you have requested this personal hearing in relation to the Charge brought against you of Bringing The Game Into Disrepute, directing abusive and/or insulting words towards Head Boy Stuart Attwell, and you had the temerity to question what is clearly a perfectly valid decision made by one of our Prefects Nigel Bannister, I'm sorry Mr Bothroyd, but that's 50 lashes of the Cane...
Read full storyCERN physicists report "Mothman" sighting in the main LHC particle accelerator tube during test firing
Geneva, Switzerland - Careful digital analysis of the first test firing of the LHC at CERN has confirmed the image of a moth-like figure appearing in the main particle accelerator tube microseconds into the controversial experiment. It is a ghostly g...
Read full storyKate Middleton ectopic phantom pregnancy fears
London - (Reuterus & Ass Mess): Pals of Kate Middleton say the desperate royal wannabe has an ectopic phantom pregnancy after a bit of ectoplasm emerged from her arse. "An ectopic pregnancy can be described as a constipation of the uterus," no...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus speaks after shocking memoir leak
Miley Ray Cyris, formerly known as Destiny Hope Cyrus, who remained unborn until 1992, has given her first (albeit short) interview after the shocking leak of a draft of her apparently upcoming memoirs. News broke last Thursday about the contents...
Read full storyAl Gore Announces Business Ventures
Former Vice President Al Gore is embarking on a new path. He is starting companies that will compete in important industries. The focus will be on products that will be energy efficient and support other policy goals. After a career in politics, G...
Read full storyRob Styles Arrested After Wearing Man Utd Shirt Under His Referee Kit
Football referee Rob Styles, who was the match official at yesterday's game at Old Trafford between Manchester United and Bolton Wanderers, was arrested by police last night after he was found to be wearing a red Man Utd shirt under his referee kit.
Read full storySarah Palin: Rafael Nadal is HOT!
Flushing Meadows- Sarah Palin, the new V.P. Running Mate choice of John McCain, surfaced at the U.S. Open this week. She is currently being questioned by New York Police for hanging out near the men's locker room and attempting to steal a pair of Raf...
Read full storyMan Utd And Man City Fans Fighting In The Streets Over Berbatov
Greater Manchester Police have declared a State of Emergency in the city centre tonight, after fighting that broke out between rival Manchester United and Manchester City fans escalated into a full scale riot. The trouble started at a news stand n...
Read full storyGoogle browser 'Chrome' to have two privacy modes
Silicon Valley giant Google has announced that it will shortly be unveiling an Open Source browser currently called 'Chrome'. One of the new key features is it's two privacy modes 'American' and 'Actual'. Google spokesman Larry page said 'With thi...
Read full storyJohn McCain and Sarah Palin Treated for Sex Addiction
WASHINGTON (FMLiveWire) - John McCain and Sarah Palin have been admitted to a clinic for the treatment of their sex addiction. "They haven't been able to keep their hands off each other since he named her his running mate," said an anonymous senio...
Read full storyEconomist Adam Smith Visits U. S. Congress
Adam Smith, dead since 1790, came back to earth recently to comment on the current crisis in financial markets. In light of the present problems in the American economy, many now question Smith's famous economic doctrine of the "invisible hand"...
Read full storyPolish cops keep mum as incest nutter hires Joseph Fritzl lawyers
Grodzisk, Poland - (Sordid Ass Mess): Police in Grodzisk are keeping mum after a Polish copycat incest nutter who emulated Joseph Fritzl by imprisoning his 21 year-old daughter for six years and fathering her two children hired the Austrian pervert'...
Read full story2008 Ryder Cup Captain Nick Faldo Is Crap In Bed, Claims Ex-wife
Nick Faldo, the European Ryder Cup captain, may have more on his plate than the US team this weekend at Valhalla, with one of his ex-wives Valerie Bercher claiming that "Nick is crap in bed". Europe's Odin is in Valhalla with the team to try to re...
Read full storyMcCain Iraq sweetener: troops to get free blow-up latex Sarah Palin doll for Xmas
Washington AC/DC - (Rubber Ass Mess): GOP presidential hopeful John McCain played an absolute blinder today by promising US troops stationed in Iraq a free lifesize blow-up latex Sarah Palin doll in their Xmas stockings. Two models are available,...
Read full storyIce-Age UFO entombed under Ground Zero glacier
Lower Manhattan, NYC - (X-Files Mess): An Ice-Age UFO has been found frozen in time/space amid the remains of a glacier 5,000 ft below Ground Zero, according to reports. The pre-Atlantis Era craft was discovered entombed in sub-permafrost after Ex...
Read full storyMan dies of Procrastination
Roger Wellington, 46, from Tanworth has been the first man in history to die from Procrastination. 'He was just doing nothing, like he always did' said his wife, Loretta Boot, 64. 'He said he would do it later, but most days when he got home from...
Read full storyMonica Lewinsky Bobble Head Doll Big Hit at Clinton Roast!
Chicago/AP - Democrats lined up at the Podium to roast their former President , Bill Clinton, and raise funds for Senator Barack Obama's quest for the Presidency, at the $50,000 a plate dinner hosted by Rosie O'Donnell, formerly of The View. Inclu...
Read full story5,000 year old Working Vagina Discovered
The vagina of a 5000 year old mummy, just discovered in an overlooked antechamber of King Tutankhamun's tomb, has a fully functional vagina. Archeologist, Doctor Wendell Waddrippins, a modern day Indiana Jones, announced this amazing discovery.
Read full storyAtom Smasher Begins Making Black Holes, 'End of the World' says Hawking
BERNE (FMLiveWire) - Physicist Stephen Hawking now says that he has detected radiation emitted from black holes created by the world's biggest particle accelerator which a doomsday cult of mad scientists have just switched on. "Run for your life!...
Read full storyMen encouraged to include threesomes on their CVs
Bosses are urging male applicants to include details of participation in threesomes with two women, on their curricula vitae on the grounds that there is no greater achievement for a man. "We like our applicants to graduate with first class honour...
Read full storyWales Named & Shamed as Fattest Britain, Again
Wales has once again retained its crown as the fattest country in the UK after being named and shamed by the National Health Service. According to the latest NHS survey, five of the six fat hot spots in Britain are Welsh. Only the Shetland Island...
Read full storyTV Fat Man Phil Jupitus is Giant 'Gas' Planet Jupiter Shock
The Spoof can reveal professional fatty and lay-about Phil Jupitus, is actually the Giant Gas planet 'Jupiter'. For years the general public wondered where he came from and what the hell he does, but our undercover reporter has discovered the iden...
Read full storyBlind man eats pussy; tastes "fishy"
John sat down to last night to eat a sumptuous meal inspired by a TV cookery show. The chefs on the show had used poussin (a small chicken) as their main ingredient, but poor John, who is not only blind but also hard of hearing, misheard the ingre...
Read full storyRobinho Gets His Manchesters Mixed Up
Manchester City new signing Robinho was paraded in front of the world's media at a news conference at Eastlands this morning, but all was not well with the dimunitive Brazilian striker, and it appears an embarrassing mistake may have been made. As...
Read full storyLewis Hamilton 25-Second Penalty Reduced!
McLaren driver Lewis Hamilton is back in the running for the Formula 1 Motor Racing World Championship when his 25-second penalty was reduced today, after a successful appeal to the FIA in Paris yesterday. His penalty was reduced to a 24-second pe...
Read full storyAl Gore gagged Pentagon research into UFO cause of global warming says Alien Hunter
Washington AC/DC - (ET Mess): Alien Hunter Derrel Sims has emerged as Pentagon hacker Gary McKinnon's accomplice after declassified FBI files revealed today that Al Gore gagged US military research connecting UFO activity to the rise in global warmin...
Read full storyEmma Watson snubbed completely by Gary Glitter
In a shock confrontation early today, the Harry Potter co-star, Emma Watson, was totally snubbed by former pop star Gary Glitter. Emma, whose mum and dad used to disco dance to Glitter classics such as "Hello Hello I'm Back Again", "I'm the Leader...
Read full storyOlive from "On the Buses" is typical English Rose says BNP poll
Members of the BNP have recently voted sultry "Olive" from the hit seventies sit-com "ON THE BUSES" the traditional British Beauty. "Hollywood blasted" Members of the party blasted the media and Hollywood for "brain-washing" UK women into foll...
Read full storyDallas Cowboys Cheerleaders To Perform Behind-Closed-Doors Show For Henry Kissinger
The Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders, made famous by the many stories written about them by this author, are to perform a one-off behind-closed-doors 'show' for one of their all-time biggest fans, the former US Secretary of State, Dr Henry Kissinger. D...
Read full storyList of Rejected Car Names For 2009
This article will appear in the November issue of Showroom Floor Extensively Illustrated Semi-Monthly Magazine Every year the automobile industry comes up with literally hundreds of possible names for their new line of automobiles. Three of the most popular names from the past have been the Ford Mustang which first appeared in 1964, the Chevrolet Corvette which came out in 1953, and the Pon...
Read full storyAngelina Jolie calls it quits!
After a long and uncerimonious four word spat between her partner Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie has ended the three year old relationship that has had global media attention. Jolie is reported to have being seen slapping Pitt before screaming at him,...
Read full storyParticle Accelerator To Be Switched On By The Krankies
The long awaited particle accelerator thingy on the France Swiss border is to be activated by the Krankies it was announced today. A spokesman announced 'We had a number of options for people we wanted to switch on the Doomsday experiment. People...
Read full storyHannah Montana Sues Miley Cyrus
Los Angeles (Rooterz) - In a shocking announcement today Hannah Montana tells reporters that she is suing Miley Cyrus for poking her in the eyes and breaking her cool new cell phone while on a recent tour. The incident happened after Montana (15)...
Read full storyHottie Sarah Palin Talking Doll Hits Market...Republicans Fuming!
HOTTIE NEWS - She was never a household name, but she is more than that today. Of course, HOTTIE NEWS is talking about the Republican Party's choice for VP, Sarah Palin, the 'barracuda' Governor of Alaska. But, looking at what McCain said earlier...
Read full storySLAP, SCREW, SHIT, CLAP, HERPES - new management terms
As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas,we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel. Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future. Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the current fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into ef...
Read full storyPaul Newman Dies, Saves the World from Economic Collapse
Legendary actor, philanthropist, and all-round good guy Paul Newman has died at age 83 from complications due to cancer and clogged arteries as a result of a lifetime of red meat consumption. He was well-known for his classic quip, "Why go out for ha...
Read full story'Too old' Selina Scott sues Porn Mag for £1million
Wannabee soft porn star Selina Scott is fighting for up to £1million in compensation from a softcore men's publications, claiming her pictures were rejected because she was too old. Mrs Scott 76, says she has been sending pictures of herself in th...
Read full storyBBC Sack Mark Lawrenson For Rubbish Predictions
Mark Lawrenson, the BBC football pundit who appears on Match of the Day, and also makes score predictions on the BBC website, has been sacked for being inaccurate and uninteresting. Lawro, as he is known, regularly pops up on Radio 5 Live as well,...
Read full storyThe Children's Bible in a Nutshell
In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, 'The Lord thy God is one,' but I think He must be a lot older than that. Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!,' and someone did. Then God made the world. He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet.
Read full storyCatholic Church Introduces "Virtual Confession" for Computer Age
Tired and have no time to stop by the local church? Have not been able to see your priest to confess your sins due to the workload? Unable to pay your last respects to the dearly departed neighbor or childhood friend? No problem! The Catholic C...
Read full storyNew vaccine against lesbianism soon to be available on the NHS
The government plans to offer 14 year old girls vaccinations against the sexually transmitted disease: lesbianism, after research showed that as many as 1 in 8 women will have a homosexual experience at some point during their lives, in the UK. Th...
Read full storyBristol Palin inseminated aboard test tube-shaped UFO after joining Scientology
Juneau, Alaska - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): Governor Sarah Palin's 17 year-old daughter conceived on board an unmarked test tube-shaped UFO above Wasilla two days after her own mother gave birth to a sibling on April 19. Bristol, named after UK co...
Read full storyOn Phrase 'God Made Dirt, Dirt Don't Hurt': God swears "I never said that!"
God, long-mute on many issues, recently broke His silence to give an interview with Charlie Gibson. In a deep and cavernous tone (and apparently nursing a hangover) the Almighty specifically addressed the phrase 'God made dirt, dirt don't hurt':...
Read full story