Arctic Sea Ice Grows: More Proof of Global Warming

Funny story written by Warren Redlich

Wednesday, 17 September 2008

image for Arctic Sea Ice Grows: More Proof of Global Warming
Polar bears partying on Arctic sea ice.

Scientists reported yesterday that the low point for Arctic sea ice in 2008 was 9% larger than in 2007. Global warming advocate Walt Meier expressed deep concern to the Walsh Strait Journal (WSJ), stating: "Even though the sea ice didn't retreat this year as much as last year, there was no real sign of recovery. This year was cooler, so we know global warming is still here."

Others have attributed the sea ice recovery to Sarah Palin leaving Alaska. Meier disputed that theory, as there has been no evidence of warmth on the Palin campaign trail. "We hear she's a really cold bitch actually," said Hoodaf Ukkahhyuu of the National Snow and Ice Data Center.

The expanding sea ice has been causing other problems. Polar bears seem to be thriving with the extra ice, and juvenile polar bears have been stealing alcohol from shops in places like Cape Churchill in Canada and having wild drunken parties on icebergs. An anonymous source indicated that a similar event led to the Bristol Palin pregnancy.

The Arctic sea ice expansion may also threaten funding for global warming research, though some scientists hope to double down by studying global cooling. "Cooling would be a real catastrophe," said Meier. "It might get too cold for the poor bears and plus my wife really likes warm weather."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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