Sarah Palin Really Dick Cheney In Drag
New Yawk, NY-- A shocking photo of Dick Cheney changing clothes is making the rounds of news bureaus here tonight. The photo shows Dick Cheney changing into a dress, high heels, and fright wig behind a curtain at the Republican National Convention.Read full story
Klingons sighted again
Coastguard officials from the port of Dubris, known as Dover in Roman times, have reported sighting a large yacht loaded with Klingons and heading for the British coast at a rate of knots. These loathsome 'creatures of nightmare' have not been see...Read full story
Everton Boss David Moyes Banished From Dugout For Wearing A Kilt
There was chaos at the Britannia Stadium this afternoon when Everton boss David Moyes was sent from the dugout during his side's visit to Stoke, after the referee spotted him wearing a kilt! Moyes, who is Scottish, was deemed by referee Alan Wiley...Read full story
Paralympic Track Marshal To Be Charged With Jaywalking
The Chinese track marshal who nonchalantly walked onto the running track in the midst of the 5000m wheelchair race, and was nearly flattened, has been charged with Jaywalking, it has emerged. Phu Kin Nut casually ambled through a maelstrom of spee...Read full story
Ashley Tisdale to join "Ouran High School Host Club" cast
It has been announced that Ashley Tisdale is one of the actors dubbing the new anime series "Ouran High School Host Club". Again, this is what the leprechaun in my head tells me. The news was announced on the anime's official website, saying "we...Read full story
Life is not fair to men!
"Life isn't exactly fair to men. For instance, when we are born, our mother's get the compliments and the flowers. Then when we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity. However, when we die, our widows get the life insurance and winters in Florida. What is it exactly that women want to be liberated from?"...Read full story
Manchester City to Create Genetically Modified Players!
The new Sheikh owners of Manchester City have sensationally declared their intention to create GM (genetically modified) -Down Syndrome- players in a London-based laboratory. In a candid interview, Dr. Al-Oilman, the new head of Man City's board...Read full story
Harry Potter Author To Be Sued By Indians
JK Moaning, the authoress, is tonight seeking legal advice, after the Indian government filed a lawsuit against her for plagiarising when reproducing the story behind the film Hari Puttar, the new Indian blockbuster. Hari Puttar is a film which te...Read full story
Obama Apologizes for Pig Lipstick Remark
Barack Obama expressed "sincere regret" today over his controversial remark about putting lipstick on a pig. After substantial criticism that his joke was an inappropriate statement about Sarah Palin, Obama explained that he "never intended to offend...Read full story
Joe Biden: Wiki Vice-President?
Democratic vice-presidential nominee Joseph Biden will develop the first wiki in Observatory Circle. Following on Al Gore's technological innovations as VP in the late 1990s, Biden will use a wiki to improve on the work of assisting the President.Read full story
The contents of Heather Mills McCartney's new novel has been exclusively revealed to this reporter. Her novel, entitled, My Life as a History of Soups shows Mill's love for soup throughout her life. Title headings include Minestrone for Two, Batch...Read full story
Mike Ashley To Sell Newcastle United To Sir King Kevin Keegan
Under-fire Newcastle United owner Mike Ashley has announced in a statement today that, in the face of all the criticism and bad feeling from fans, he has sell the club at the earliest opportunity, to his former employee, Sir King Kevin Keegan. The...Read full story
Secret memo reveals Obama plans to dump Biden for Hillary - Hillaristas ecstatic!
Word is out that the Obama campaign's secret polling has revealed the predictable - An Obama-Hillary ticket would result in an absolute landslide for the Dems in November - whereas an Obama-Biden run would result in the biggest loss since 1960. La...Read full story
Alan Greenspan Admits He was Abducted by Gray Aliens
In a shocking admission former Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan, often referred to as 'Yoda', has admitted that he has been the victim of repeated alien abductions since he was a seven year old. He claims he has suffered no ill effects and has...Read full story
Obama: Bottled Up Feelings Can Win the War On Terror!
In a breakthrough moment of clarity Barack Obama has crystalized his plan to defeat Global Terrorism. In a 9/11 Forum on Fox News Obama revealed some details of his national security program. While President Bush saw the 9/11 assault on the Tw...Read full story
Albuquerque Overrun With Animal Infestation
Small, furry, rodent like animals are everywhere in this Central New Mexico city. Animal Control Officers and Police and Sheriff's Departments are overworked in attempting to round up and destroy this infestation of the mountain pickleweasel. Sai...Read full story
Tooth fairy suspended pending police checks
Children losing teeth will find no money under their pillows for many weeks as the government has ordered the tooth fairy to undergo police background checks before she can continue working with children. "Employees of all government funded organi...Read full story
Gordon Brown to rid himself of revolting MP's before conference
Gordon Brown has decided that all revolting MP's must go before the Labour Party Annual Conference. While there appears to be dissent within the ranks regarding his leadership capabilities, for the sake of the unity of the Party, the Prime Ministe...Read full story
Harvest Moon UFO appears over Chequers
London - (Ass Mess): A blood-red hammer and sickle-emblazoned UFO has been seen circling PM Gorgon Brown's weekend retreat of Chequers against the awesome backdrop of the full Harvest Moon. The craft's appearance coincided with the weekend visit o...Read full story
Chertoff reaches out to disaster victims
Yesterday, Michael Chertoff authorized a major military air-lift to evacuate victims of this weekend's disaster. He said, "These poor people are in such sorry states that it would be criminal if no one helped them. It is the only humane thing to do...Read full story
Sun accused of global warming
The Sun was today facing high court charges of causing global warming. "We can't believe that the Sun has been getting away with this for millions of years" said Greenpeace activist Tofu Quorn-Chickpea. "It's been staring us in the face all this t...Read full story
Blue Peter to show how to make a Large Hadron Collider
Popular children's television programme Blue Peter revealed today that they will be making a LHC using a variety of items found in the typical home. "We are hoping to make science more approachable for today's youngsters," said new series producer...Read full story
Man City beat Chelsea 10-3 in official result.
The football community was thrown into turmoil following the Abu Dhabi United groups purchase of yesterdays premier league result. As the official owners of the result they were legally able to change the score to one that they found acceptable.Read full story
Toasters finally explained
Following the recent experiments with the LHC, Professor Hugh Jarse was able to reveal how toasters actually work. "The question of where did the bread go when the toast comes out has now been answered." Said Profesor Jarse He went on to explai...Read full story
David Blunkett beaten up for charity
When a disabled person is given a good kicking by half a dozen uniformed members of the Metropolitan Police, arrested and shoved into the back of a van for doing nothing, one might wonder where's the news story. When that disabled person is the forme...Read full story
Apple introduces: iLHC pocketsize personal particle accelerators for CERN physicists on the go
Silicon Valley, California - Steve Jobs unveiled the latest Apple iNnovation today: iLHC pocketsize personal particle accelerators for mad CERN physicists on the go, all in celebratory observance of the Big Bang experiment that has not yet ended exis...Read full story
Babe Ruth Storms Back to Yankee Stadium as a Category 5
The legendary Babe Ruth shocked Yankee fans when he returned to life recently to make a brief and fiery appearance at Yankee Stadium. "This year's team is a disgrace," he said. "It's enough to raise the dead. What a bunch of losers." With a tear i...Read full story
Palin Sought Big Fed Bucks to Find Cure for Crabs!
Itchy Sarah Palin, mayor of Wasilla, Alaska which has more pubic lice than people sought large Federal grants to find a cure for the crabs. Palin told a Congressional committee charged with investigating Pthirus pubis ("crab" louse, pubic louse) that...Read full story
Cindy Lou McCain's Cleft Interviewed on The View!
Decked out in fire engine red pants suit and bleached blonde hair Beer Baronness Cindy Lou McCain's cleft gave a brilliant interview on the Morning TV show, The View. The much younger and much richer Cindy, the heiress for whom POW and politically am...Read full story
Republicunt Palin Endorses Democrab Clinton for VPilf!
After only a week or so under the magnifying glass of US political media scrutiny, Ice Princess Palin has decided to that Hillary Clinton would be the best VPilf: "Clinton clearly would be the better choice. She's smarter, savvy-er and has actu...Read full story
Sarah Palin Plays with her Pussy
Washington - After a hard day of campaigning Vice-Presidential candidate Sarah Palin likes to curl up at home, take a hot bath and play with her pussy. "Its so soft and cuddly, I like to pet it, its sooooooo nice!" "I like to stroke it under i...Read full story
Ice Princess Palin Permanently Froze Nowhere Bay to Make Bridge as Obsolete as John McCain!
Science or magic? You decide! But Ice Princess Sarah Palin managed to create a deep freeze in the Nowhere Bay that Alaskans hoped Americans would spend billions to bridge. True believers from an ancient Russian religious cult that worships Palin have...Read full story
Super Collider Menace to Swiss Traffic
Hadron Switzerland - A spate of traffic accidents in Hadron has been linked to a single reckless driver whose identity is unknown. Accidents have all taken place on the ring road around the town which is 27 kilometres in circumference and straddles t...Read full story
Sarah Palin's Porn Past
The Republican party was reeling this evening after revelations that its vice presidential candidate, Sarah Palin, had starred in a series of low budget Canadian softcore porn movies in the late 1970s. The films, with titles like Confessions of a...Read full story
Bald Melon Shopper Gets Head Thumped
Toronto - 42 year old Wilbert Roscoe got his head thumped this week while shopping for watermelons at Kensington Market. Mr. Taylor who is heavy set and bald was leaning over a bin of seedless watermelons and was thumping them for freshness when anot...Read full story
That Bridge To Nowhere
One of Sarah Palin's top aides has stated that Mrs. Palin is tired of all the publicity that the story about "The Bridge To Nowhere" has generated. It is of course a fact that at first Governor Palin supported the $398 million dollar project, but she...Read full story
Woman Who Could Not Stop Laughing Given Hysterectomy
John Hopkins University - Doctors here are basking in success today after breaking ground in the development of a radical new procedure for curing incurable non-stop laughter (INL). Gladys Pip, a twenty-six year old New Jersey mother of two, was...Read full story
Sarah Palin a 'Lovechild'?
Sarah Palin, the recently chosen VP pick for John McCain has been rumored to be the lovechild of none other than McCain himself. Once word started to go around, the presidential candidate spoke. "It was something that ruined my first marriage. My...Read full story