Michael Vaughan Scores Big 100
Michael Vaughan, the former England cricket captain, gave the IPL selectors a belated nudge yesterday by storming back to form with a masterful innings in which he scored a magnificent century. Vaughan was playing against youngsters in a park near...Read full story
Rejected License Plate Slogans
I recently traveled to Kalamazoo, Michigan where the largest automotive museum in the world is located. The Abraham Lincoln Commemorative Automotive Museum which is just about as big as Rhode Island and Dodge City, Kansas put together was established in 1975 with a subsidy grant from The Ulysses S. Grant Ford Lincoln Subsidy Grant Foundation. I had a nice visit with the museum's curator, P...Read full story
Good Ole Granpops.
I remember my granpop from the old country. I would go and visit him there from time to time. He was always ready to give me good advice and often I found myself confiding in him. I graduated from college with a degree in political science and went to work in Washington DC to learn the ropes. I've been there a while now but I am not really happy and I recently discussed my job with Gramps on a...Read full story
Chevron to become US Lender of Last Resort
San Ramon, Ca - (Big Fat Oil Mess): A secret capitalization deal between five highly liquid Arabian-based Sovereign Wealth Funds and the Chevron Corporation has created a vast new global cash-stash to rival the US Treasury's aspirations of becoming A...Read full story
Turner Prize nominee in shortlist shock
Roger Me-Butt was today amazed to discover he was nominated to win the Turner Prize. Roger, who had never had a published work of art before, had neglected to empty his ashtray when it was spotted by a judge from the Turner committee. "Quite fr...Read full story
Johnny Depp to be the new voice of Stephen Hawking
World famous boffin, Stephen Hawking, has announced he is to have a total image makeover and he is starting with his voice. The recognizable computer staccato is to be replaced by none other that Captain Jack Sparrow actor, Johnny Depp. "The idea...Read full story
$333 Million a Day!
CRAWFORD, Texas - President Bush in light of the amazingly horrible state of the economy was asked while spending the weekend at his Texas home located on his Lazy Bar B Arrogant Longhorn Ranch how in the civilized world he can justify continuing the...Read full story
Police crackdown on rogue criminals
The Metropolitan Police today announced a major new initiative to crack down on crime. New rules will mean that criminals will have to register with the local police before commencing activities. "We hope the new system will mean less duplicati...Read full story
Americans Invent New Gymnastic Event For 2012 Olympics
Americans today invented a new gymnastic sport for the 2012 Olympics, and called it Defining Americans On Parallel Bars. Speaking from Illinois, Senator Token O'Babblama said: 'Yes, for too long Americans have just called themselves Americans, but...Read full story
Somali pirates seize crashed Iranian UFO
Indian Ocean - (WTF? Mess): Somali pirates are maintaining a tense stand-off with US whoreships after ramming an Iranian vessel and seizing its cargo of a crashed UFO. The downed craft had been seen menacing the Rev Sun Myung Moon's chopper over T...Read full story
Brazil government 'worst blogger'
Sao Paulo - (Cyberspace Mess): The government of Brazil has been named as the worst blogger about hair-raising Amazon Rainforest crap. A pan-Latin American stink tank, The Ministry of Thought, Word and Deed, blames the state-run Brazilian Institut...Read full story
President Sarah Palin's first order of business
February 1, 2009. President John McCain died in his sleep. President Palin makes her first phone call as President of the United States. She calls Vlad Putin. After a polite greeting, Palin says, "I've been thinking Vladdy boy, that you and I should settle our differences. Perhaps you ought to bring your newest Kalashnikov, and we'll have at it." Palin urges her Russian language interp...Read full story
Charlie Gibson interviews Sarah Palin
Having softened the deep wrinkle between his brows with Restylane and Botox, Charlie Gibson hops on the three-day, non-stop, direct flight from New York to Anchorage to interview Governor Sarah Palin. From Anchorage he takes a puddle jumper to Juneau, the Alaskan seat of government. Population: 30k (but most of those are cruiseship passengers on the way to Mendenhall glacier). "Good Morning C...Read full story
The Last Presidential Debate of 2008
Monday, November 3, 2008. Day before the 56th consecutive quadrennial United States presidential election. John McCain and Barack Obama are neck-to-neck in the polls. They'd agreed to have one last debate, make their case before the American people go out to vote. Looking amiable, the two men shake hands, but their backs are erect, arms rigid, robot like. Tom Brokaw clears his throat and...Read full story
Republicans. Protect your brand. Vote Democrat.
Ok, I'm an independent, but if I were a Republican I'd vote for the Democrats come November. That is, if I really, really loved my political party. Why? I can't think of a worse time to lead this nation. The mess we're in will take years to clean up. And cleaning is such a thankless job, so why not let the Democrats do it. They're good at it. So, Republicans, listen up. Take tha...Read full story
Seven Reasons Why McCain Won't be President
1. Palin. She can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan and never let the First Dude forget he's the man, but when it comes to the Russians, Iranians and their nukes? Hmm. I don't know. 2. He's not very colorful. He never fathered a black child out of wedlock and his Vietnam days didn't make him mentally unstable. Boring! 3. He's forgetful. Says he opposes...Read full story
Top Ten Reasons Obama Won't Be President
1. He's black. I wouldn't be writing this if he were white. 2. He doesn't have an underage pregnant daughter. Obama's narrative would improve if his underage pregnant daughter hoped to marry the white kid whose bio reads: "I'm a f**kin' redneck who likes to snowboard and ride dirt bikes. But I live to play hockey. I like to go camping and hang out with the boys, do some fishing, sho...Read full story
Why the bailout didn't pass
Neither side wanted to blink first, so in the end 133 Reps and 94 Dems voted against the rescue plan. Maybe these legislators just couldn't approve a $700 billion dollar bailout after they heard us screaming bloody murder all week. "Why should we bail out Wall Street fat cats and also give golden parachutes?", "Why should we use $700 billion to buy bad paper", "Where is that money going to c...Read full story
That Dreaded 3:00 AM Call
The red phone rings at the White House at 3:00 AM. Cindy McCain answers. "Hellooo, who the heck is calling at this hour?" Mrs. McCain sits up on the bed in the Master Bedroom. The President sleeps peacefully, curled up next to her. "Mrs. McCain, I must speak with your husband. The Venezuelans have in invaded Colombia…" the man sounds urgent. "Is this another sales call?" she interrupts...Read full story
My Fair Lady Redux
In this version of the musical, Henry Higgins, er, Henry Kissinger trains Eliza Doolittle, er, Sarah Palin, to dance political Cha Cha at the upcoming Debate Ball. Kissinger's goal is to cause the inexperienced woman to look sophisticated and worldly. She has memorized 200 flash cards in anticipation of her first training session with Kissinger. It's a cool, quiet afternoon somewhere in...Read full story
Home Depot to sell Adult toys.
It's more than nuts and screws - Home Depot Inc, has announced today it's intention to open sales and service to an Adult Toy product line. In keeping with the building and home products diversification, room is being created in aisles and sections i...Read full story
Ramos' Hotspur Makeover
Troubled bottom of the league still yet to win a game going down next season Tottenham Hotspur, have managed to make themselves look even worse by going on a geometric rampage! The north London side who are struggling for money have launched majo...Read full story
Anderson Cooper Interviews Sarah Palin
CNN's Anderson Cooper, 41, interviewed GOP vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin, 44, at CNN's Studio 7-E in the Bronx. Here is the transcript of that interview: AC: Hello Ms. Palin, first of all let me just say that you look lovely dressed in that pink 'I Love Icebergs' T-Shirt and those tight-fitting Gap Jeans, although personally I think you would look much better in a pair of Gloria Vande...Read full story
Jade Goody Responsible for Massive Fall in Profits
A leading cancer research charity has blamed its dramatic fall in revenue on Big Brother racist Jade Goody. Goody, 27, was diagnosed with cancer just over a month ago whilst appearing on India's Big Brother programme. Since the airing of Miss Goo...Read full story
McCartney, Lennon reunited once more
In a miraculous event, Paul McCartney and John Lennon have been reunited in, of all places, Bulgaria. McCartney was on a private trip recently to Sofia (issuing writs to noncomplying internet music purchasers) when he met John in the slum dwellin...Read full story
McCain's a Dem Hag
It wasn't long ago that the Republican Party (Senator McCain included) endorsed every bill put before it by the Bush administration. Those days are long gone. American taxpayers woke up one day and felt their wallets lighter, slimmer. The cost...Read full story
Bill Clinton to promote cigars
In the wake of Hilary Clinton's unsuccessful attempt for the presidential candidacy, husband Bill has agreed to promote and advocate the once popular cigar. The former president is unconcerned by his spurious connection with the stogey (re the Mo...Read full story
George Michael addicted to crack in more ways than one
Out of a toilet in a darkened night club in Los Angeles, George Michael was once again caught with his pants down & his nose in crack, smoking crack. He admitted to being in possession of a crack, but felt he should not be charged as he had...Read full story
Obama Announces Foreign Policy
Here are some of the comments made by Barack Obama during the first presidential debate. "We've desperately got to give a human face to U.S. imperialism. If the rest of the world doesn't like us going around raping, pillaging, and plundering smaller countries, that's a real serious problem. "Supporting ruthless despots and tyrants is our God-given right. Moreover, it's the life's blood of ou...Read full story
Paralympics Swimming Death Shock
Today Paralympics chiefs have admitted that the Tibeten freestyle wheelchair swimming event turned into a disaster ending in the death of all seven disabled athletes. Unfortunately, due to no-one being able to hear the starter gun underwater, the...Read full story
Led Zeppelin Split
British rock band, Led Zeppelin, have dashed fans' hopes of seeing them live ever again by announcing that the group have split, and are unlikely to reform before Christmas. Frontman Robert Plant cited 'old age and senility' as the two main reason...Read full story
Bush's Lame Duck Admin Goes Web Feet Up!
Many US Presidential administrations have experienced a decline in influence in their final year. Thus the term,lame duck came into being. Even twice elected Presidents have had to face some dimunition in their prestige and power. But Presidentia...Read full story
McCain Crashes Navy Plane into Pirate Ship Near Mozambique!
The pirates off East African shores have been a constant threat to safety on the high seas. Recently they ship-jack a arms laden boat and fled with the deadly cargo. That is until Navy veteran John McCain found out. Right after abandoning his c...Read full story
Dow Drops 666; McCain Claims Obama is the Anti-Christ!
Elder statesman McCain and his Christian Fundie running mate Sarah Palin accused Barack Obama of being the Anti- Christ who is ushering in the end times and the Battle of Armageddon. The evidence offered by the Republicans was the 666 points the...Read full story
Palin Imprisoned in Fortress of Solitude to Prepare for Biden Debate!
Former Beauty and Queen of Wasilla, Alaska has been less than impressive in her role as VPILF of the Repub party. Palin has stumbled in interview after interview (well, true she only had two) and the party handlers have kept her on a short leash.Read full story
Bush AG Speedy Gonzalez, World's Fastest Firer, to be Investigated by Special Prosecutor!
Alberto "Speedy" Gonzalez may have been the world's fastest hatchet man for the Bush administration. Nine US attorneys were dispatched from their jobs with lightning speed as Bush AG punished good workers for being...democrats. Now a special pr...Read full story
Wall Street holds the baby over the balcony while "Capital" Hill debates and votes on bailout
New York, New York - Today a militant group of Wall Street investment bankers dressed in black ankle length overcoats, wearing shaded sunglasses and gay fedora hats stood on the opening and closing balcony of the New York Stock Exchange. Overlooking...Read full story
I'm not really worried about the credit crunch, or the world banking crisis, because I'm financially insolvent anyway. So what does all this mean to me? Nothing. Zilch. Because if you don't have nothing, then there's nothing anybody can take away from you. So don't worry, be happy, just pretend that half your nation's GDP has been well invested by city suited types who (allegedly) d...Read full story