Bush Live at The Improv
LA - Guests at The Improv were given a special treat last night when President Bush walked in unannounced and took over the stage for what turned out to be a solid twenty minute set that left the house in stitches. Bush strode on stage with a con...
Read full storyInternet 'One Snatch Away From Meltdown'
Silicon Valley, CA - The Internet, a computer network built by NASA scientists as a means of distributing pictures of Britney Spears' vagina, is on the brink of imminent collapse, according to network analyst Ron Powers. "Look at the massive netwo...
Read full storyGeorgina 'Satanic Sluts' Baillie on her high whorse about shagging Russell Brand
London - (Ross/Russ Mess): The foxy siren at the center of the Jonathan Ross/Russell Brand lurid phone call fiasco lashed out today at tabloid reports she had 'dared' her ex-shag to phone her Grandpa about shenanigans in the back seat of her 1999 La...
Read full story80 Year Old Man Takes Vengeance On 2 BBC Wankers
Jonathon Ross : Hello Is that Johnny?, It's Jonathon here, Calling from London, I'll get straight to the point, I might have been sacked as a Celebrity by the BBC, let's face it the Daily Mail hates me, I think I have a good case for Wongful Dismissal it could be racially motivated, but we don't have any "Showbiz" Lawyers in England, are you interested?". Johnny Cochrane : "Let me get this stra...
Read full storyRussell Brand In Home-Shopping Channel Deal?
Disgraced so called comedian and serial womaniser Russell Brand,who resigned from the BBC today in absolute disgrace has been offered a deal by a UK home shopping channel, according to our man on the inside, publicist Max Impact. Brand, who became...
Read full storyO'Neill Still Furious With Carew's Spearmint Antics
Despite Jon Carew's storming performance last Saturday at Wigan after coming off the bench, Aston Villa manager Martin O'Neill is reportedly still livid at the striker's wild- boy antics last week. Carew, unable to play in the preceding UEFA cup...
Read full storySenator John McCain wins U.S. Election
Based on the tallies from electric voting machines, Senator John McCain of Arizona has been called as the winner in the US elections. This will come as a huge surprise to most Americas, as polls indicated that Senator Barack Obama was going to wi...
Read full storyOleg Deripaska's ex-KGB spook mentor 'planted nuclear device under Squalidinos restaurant'
London - (Plutonium-210 Mess): A veteran ex-KGB spookmaster/security mentor to wannabe Tory sperm donor Oleg Deripaska 'planted a live nuclear device' under London restaurant Squalidinos according to reports from the UK's Serious & Disorganised...
Read full storyMcCain Dumps Sarah Palin and Replaces Her With Cloris Leachman
PHOENIX, Arizona - In an unprecedented move, Senator John McCain has decided to remove Governor Sarah Palin from the GOP ticket and replace her with Hollywood celebrity Cloris Leachman. One of McCain's chief advisers, Tony Tremain said that even...
Read full storyMonkey Woods Is A Fucking Wanker, Say Jonathan Ross And Russell Brand
The TV presenter Jonathan Ross and comedian Russell Brand have reacted angrily to stories published on satirical news website TheSpoof.com, and have labelled the delinquent author of the pieces, Monkey Woods, "a fucking wanker". Ross, host of Frid...
Read full storyObama Lowers Tax Ceiling
Barack Obama answered those critical to his raising taxes for those who earn over $250,000 yesterday by announcing that he had changed his mind and would now raise taxes on anyone earning $200,000. "I was OK with the $250,000 until that ass Joe...
Read full storyNew James Bond film is shit, says teenage girl
A teenage girl who has seen the movie has labeled the latest outing in the James Bond franchise, Quantum of Solace, "shit" Mary Porter, 15, said it was " a bit shit" and that lead actor Daniel Craig was "an ugly, grumpy bastard". Mary, who has...
Read full storyStars line up to apologise to Andrew Sachs
BBC celebrities and staff have issued formal apologies to Andrew Sachs in their thousands today, after the former Fawlty Towers actor failed to complain about something the Daily Mail thought he ought to. Amid total confusion, the elderly comedy v...
Read full storyChina Dumps Tons Of Poisoned Halloween Candy On USA
Washington DC-- China today was charged with sending tons of poisoned candy to the USA, just before Halloween. The Chinese are furious with the credit crunch and the trade imbalance. They want revenge and they want America to pay. The candy is lace...
Read full storyLizzie Maguire star Hilary Duff changes her name to Miley Cyrus to get media attention
Hilary Duff, the former star of children's television show Lizzie Maguire, has changed her name to Miley Cyrus in a desperate attempt to reclaim her 'teen-queen' crown. The singer/actress/toy brand has struggled to compete with her singing-acting-...
Read full storyCheese inventor found chained in cellar
Almost half a century after his disappearance (following the cheese-gate scandal of 1958) celebrated cheese inventor, Sir Pettigrew Wynethrop, has been discovered chained to a sacrificial stone alter in the basement of his penthouse apartment in Chis...
Read full storyLeonid Meteors Arrive in California for Next Shower
Mount Palomar, California (IPP) - The meteors for this year's Leonid meteor shower have arrived in California. The meteors were transported to the Mount Palomar Observatory Campus (MPOC) where they are sorted out and prepared for the upcoming meteor...
Read full storyMcCain promises to find a cure for "Plumber's Butt Crack" by lifting ban on fetal stem cell research
Washington, D.C. - Proving once again that he agrees with Bush only ninety percent of the time, McCain broke out of Bush's Corral on his Texas ranch and like a wild jackass that ate loco weed, bucking and hee-hawing before falling off a cliff, he hea...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus top-billing show cancelled! Don 'Nappy Headed Ho' Imus blames wingnut hysteria for Ross/Brand fiasco
London - (Kiss My Ass Mess): Hannah Montana starlet Miley Cyrus is said to be weeping buckets after being dropped from Friday's top-billing appearance on The Jonathan Ross Show. Her manager refused to comment today about reports that she'd dumped...
Read full storyPalin: Not My Fair Lady
Sarah Doolittle? - With the final days of Presidential campaigning drawing to an end and the Republican party behind in the polls, it can now be questioned by political pundits whether Sarah Palin was a hope or a hinderance to the process. As both McCain and Palin campaigned separately in the against odds campaign. Palin criss crossed the battleground plains states and McCain headed to Kenn...
Read full storyRussell Brand arrested
Russell Brand has been arrested following the nationwide revulsion at his outrageous behaviour on Radio 2. Under the new terror laws which allow any entertainer in Britain to be held for up to 56 days without trial, Police swooped on Brand's house...
Read full storySarah Palin: Even If John Wins, I Plan On Resigning
FORT WALTON BEACH, Florida - In a surprising political statement, GOP vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin has told Geraldo Rivera of Fox News that even if John McCain somehow pulls it off and is elected president that she will immediately resign her vice president's position. Geraldo asked, "Governor, why in the world would you do that? and secondly, why don't you just drop out now before t...
Read full storyBush's Last Words To Obama Before Departing
President Bush called an extraordinary meeting with Presidential elect Obama and other key officials at the White House today to discuss the horrendous financial down swing threatening America. Greeting the small group Bush said, "My fellow Americans...and any Democrats present, (giving a minute nod in the direction of Obama) because of bad monetary policies left behind by the last administrat...
Read full storyNew Fall TV Programs
With the new Fall TV season under way, here are a few shows you may have missed so far. "The Dentalist" (NBC)- A doctor of dental surgery solves crimes through a combination of deduction, tooth record analysis and flossing. "Flav and Dave" (UPN)- Flavor Flav and David Hasselhoff are unlikely roommates. Listen for the new catchphrase "What time is it? Time for cake!" "So You Think You Can...
Read full storyRussell Brand Sacked For Sitting On Jonathan Ross's Face
During a T.V. show, annoying hippy scruff of a comedian Russell Brand sat on Jonathan Ross's face for a full twelve minutes, annoying lots of old people who tuned in late at night to complain about the affair. After many over the top news reports...
Read full storyRussell Brand Is Still A Virgin - No Surprises There!
It was confirmed today that the erroneously titled "comedian" Russell Brand, despite promoting himself as a ladies man who is irresistible to all women, and who has sex between six to eight times a day, is, in fact, still a virgin. "That's why he...
Read full storyObama Raises Right Eyebrow Over Mideast Problem
Virginia - In a gesture expected to cause a slight lifting of Barack Obama's left eyebrow region (similar to that of Spock's), it was announced Wednesday night that the President hopeful is "very concerned" about the ongoing Israeli/Palestinian probl...
Read full storyMusicians Tell McCain: Stop Playing Our Songs!
MUSIC MOUNTAIN, Arizona - GOP candidate John McCain who likes to pride himself as being somewhat of a maverick has certainly upset some musicians in the music industry. What the McCain camp has done, with Big Mac's blessing is that they have take...
Read full storyWant More Sex? Wear Red
Rochester, NY - Researchers at the University of Rochester have found that wearing red increases sex appeal. It was a red letter day for psychologist Dr Rosie Redfern when she received word that her recent research would be published in the prest...
Read full storyChildren's film-goers get R-rated sex flick
South Jorkan, Uthaw - Movie goers were in for a bumpy ride last weekend at the Megaflicks Theatre last weekend expecting to see the new Disneak "High School Musical 33: Senial Year" but instead witnessing by accident Disneak's new, R-rated flick: "S...
Read full storyStomach Bug Apparently Going Around Chester, W. Virginia
Betty June Woodcock, a passive, mousy little waitress at the Farm Boy, was put in her place Tuesday by co-waitress, 180-pound big busty blonde, Joanie Dale Belcher. "Oh, thank you sweetie for coming all the way over to my set of tables and servin...
Read full storyTony Adams: "Christmas Has Come Early"
New Portsmouth boss Tony Adams was over the moon that he had been given the chance to succeed former boss, and new Tottenham manager, Harry Redknapp, saying that it was a dream come true, and that Christmas had come early. He said: "It's a dream!...
Read full storyMatthäus to act as "relationship counsellor"
Lothar Matthäus, Germany's former World Cup-winning captain under all-time legend Franz Beckenbauer, has spoken for the first time about the problems between Jogi Löw and Michael Ballack. The Germany national team captain and his manager are at c...
Read full storyWho ate all the pies?
Hull City, like all newly promoted premier new boys can look forwards to the financial benefits of their new-found status. Even though Phil Brown has been thrifty in his purchases, picking up some real bargains, he has build up a large squad whose wa...
Read full storyCongestion Charge Changes
Manchester's congestion charge proposals are changing again. The proposals have already changed several times since their conception. Including setting them for time of day and direction, then excluding all taxis, buses, fire services and police cars...
Read full storyTina and Alan seen talking to each other
Sugarland, CA - In a shocking turn of events, Tina Li and Alan Chen from Nixon High School were spotted chatting amicably for several minutes at their high school's dance last Friday. Multiple reports indicate that their conversation covered a broad...
Read full storyArgentina asks Maradona to inject more
The Argentinean Soccer Federation, frustrated by years of relatively clean but listless performances, has appointed former star turned full time pharmacist Diego Maradona as its new coach. Chairman Pablo Escobar told reporters that they believe M...
Read full storyAspartame to Tame World Population Explosion
EARTH, Solar System - It is reported from many reliable sources on this planet, and others, that the planet Earth is quite crowded. In fact, all the good spots are taken, and taken again, and taken again, and taken again.. in wars. Earthlings hav...
Read full storySosh-Cons, Espesh Da Males, Want Sarah P Badddd!
Win or lose, male social conservatives will continue to lust after Alaskan Ice Princess Sarah Palin as the future of the Republican party. MSC4SP spokesperson, Horny Asallhell explained that no one in the conservative movement in America or any E...
Read full storyMayor Boris Johnson's Barber Held in Tower of London!
Tory Party Mayor of London, Boris Johnson was shocked that a photo of a shock of his hair caused his barber to be imprisoned in the London Tower. The shocking shock of hair according eye witnesses, was still on the mayor's head, blonde, bothered...
Read full storyThe First Italian Satellite - Upa Upa and Away
LOMPOC, California. - An Italian satellite blasted off from Vandenberg Air Force Base. The Delta Rocket II, code name 'Upa Upa And Away' lifted off with hundreds of paparazzi snaping photos. In fact there were so many photographers at the base th...
Read full story"Dr. Phil" to Stay with Wife; Hails Their Backstage Sex Life
Contrary to regular and frequent tabloid reports, TV's "Dr. Phil" and his wife Robin are expected to stay married, it's been learned. In a world exclusive interview, the daytime TV shrink told The Spoof, "I love Robin more today than I did when we ha...
Read full storyBolshevik Boris Out Reds Ken by Leading Wage Slave Revolt
Tory London mayor Johnson has earned the nickname Bolshevik Boris for his advocacy for football staff wages and benefits. Johnson is demanding that in his Great London Society even the rude footballing staff should earn a wage to live on and save on.
Read full storyStates Secede- Create New Country- US Finished
A new political entity was born today as all States west of the Mississippi seceded from the Union and created their own nation called The League of States That Remembers What Reality Is. Fed up with decades of following a government that only re...
Read full storyRare Green Cricket Parasite, The Antigua Intestinal Attacker, Infects England's XI
In Montezuma's Halls it's called the revenge. Post colonial India wreaks bottom half havoc with the dreaded Delhi belly. In the Carribean paradiso of Antigua, the intestinal inferno named the AI Attacker puts the inflicted through a purgatorio that m...
Read full storyPETA Rejects Animal Companion Euthanasia; Offing Granny is another matter
Animal rights activists PETA have come out in favor of human mercy killing while maintaining their opposition to animal euthanasia. A PETA position paper asked families how they could let grandma suffer on and on when this same old lady murdere...
Read full storyIrish bookmakers refuse bet on Hull City UEFA Cup spot
Ireland's largest bookmaker was accused of running scared today when Carpenter, Humanitarian and world renowned philosopher Fergus McCarthy attempted to place a potentially lucrative bet in the local betting shop shop, Naas, County Kildare. An...
Read full storyNew Prop 8 Ad Causes Controversy in California
As the election draws near, California voters are being bombarded with radio ads about Proposition 8, but there is one that they did not expect to hear. Those opposed to same sex marriage are running ads in favor of Proposition 8, which would defi...
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