The Argentinean Soccer Federation, frustrated by years of relatively clean but listless performances, has appointed former star turned full time pharmacist Diego Maradona as its new coach.
Chairman Pablo Escobar told reporters that they believe Maradona "…can really get the team higher. He's got what it takes, and if he doesn't have it, he knows where he can get some." The great man himself was relaxed about his challenging new role telling reports "Yeah, I am cool about it, really cool."
"Like Ice?" one reporter asked.
"Yeah" Maradona replied "I like Ice."
When asked if he was still struggling with drug addiction, the new coach replied "Not at all, no I don't find drugs a struggle any more. I find them really easy. Mmmm, so nice."
Maradona has already met most of the current national team during his various stints in rehab, which is also where he met the new assistant coach, Amy Winehouse.
Maradona told reporters he is "going to pimp this team man", promising to inject a sense of passion, a sense of history and a sense that you can hear the grass talking to you. He has also promised a very strict drug testing regime to ensure that his players get only the best possible smack on the market.