Written by Abel Rodriguez

Wednesday, 29 October 2008

image for Musicians Tell McCain: Stop Playing Our Songs!
John McCain at 18 playing lead guitar with his band Johnny McCain & The McCain'ts

MUSIC MOUNTAIN, Arizona - GOP candidate John McCain who likes to pride himself as being somewhat of a maverick has certainly upset some musicians in the music industry.

What the McCain camp has done, with Big Mac's blessing is that they have taken it upon themselves to freely use songs by recording artists who do not want their songs to be assoicated with McCain, his campaign, his political views, or his running mate 'Snowflake Sarah' Palin.

The musicians have formed an organization based in Rancho Cucamonga, California called "The Hey Big Mac Stop Playing Our Songs Alliance." Jackson Browne was elected president of the organization and Ann Wilson was elected vice president. Browne said that they meet on every other Wednesday and that dues are $385 a month.

Some of the members and the songs that McCain has used include:

  • Jackson Browne - Running On Empty
  • John Cougar Mellencamp - Our Country
  • The Foo Fighters - My Hero
  • Heart - Barracuda

Timmy Teddy Tatringer, one of McCain's top aides and advisers, said that McCain told him that he couldn't care less if those crybaby Democrat musicians don't like it that he is using their music.

In fact McCain was quoted as saying, "I have never heard of Jackson Black or John Cougar Mein Kampf. And as for the 'Foo Fighters' what the hell is a 'Foo' anyway. I spent five and a half years in a Vietnamese POW camp and I never ever heard that word. I even called George Bush and he said that he has never heard it either.

Now in regards to 'Heart,' well let me just say that I have seen photographs of those gals and a more appropriate name would probably be 'Hearty.'"

McCain shook his head and continued, "My friends, in a week or so, my campaign will be over. And it's no secret that I'm gonna come in second...behind Obama, but ahead of Bob Barr. I will return to my wonderful, beautiful, hot state of Arizona. And there I will help my devoted blonde wife Cindy run the beer business.

And I swear that if I had known that so many Democrat musicians were gonna shed so many musical tears about their little songs I would have only used songs by Republican artists like Hank Williams Jr., John Rich, The Yardbirds, and Elizabeth Hasselbeck."

Tatringer revealed that at his suggestion, the McCain campaign began using the old Helen Reddy song 'I Am Woman.' But that they only used that song one time and that was at The 43rd Annual Chickasaw, Iowa Crop Rotation Festival & Corn Cob Bob.

The song was quickly dropped however, when people in the crowd started laughing so loud that McCain's campaign speech could not be heard over all of the guffawing, cackling, and basic verbal frivolity.

Tatringer said that he decided that he would instead use the song for Sarah Palin's campaign. But Mrs. Palin nixed that idea saying, "Hey, this is Sarah Palin, remember 'Shotgun Sarah' and I positively want no part of that sissygirl/prima donna/diva song."

Palin then added, "And if anyone tries to make that song my campaign song then I promise you that this 'Snow Plow Princess' is just liable to shoot the swish out of somebody's sway."

In related news, the editor of Rock 'n' Roll Musical Chairs Magazine, Diddy Dawg Donatelli said that he would like to suggest what he feels would be an approriate song for Senator John McCain's campaign. He suggested Three Dog Night's 'Liar.'

And in other news, it's been reported that Lindsay Lohan was arrested and released for biting a paparazzi in his xiphoid process.

(Serving size: 2)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Music, John McCain

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