Washington, D.C. - Proving once again that he agrees with Bush only ninety percent of the time, McCain broke out of Bush's Corral on his Texas ranch and like a wild jackass that ate loco weed, bucking and hee-hawing before falling off a cliff, he headed for Capital Hill to announce his latest policy position reversal.
"If I am elected your president," said McCain as he stood at a podium before members of the media he called to make a special announcement. "I will sign an executive order lifting the ban against fetal stem cell research for the specific purpose of finding a cure for 'Plumber's Butt Crack'. For those unfamiliar with this disease, my fellow Americans 'Plumber's Butt Crack' is a horrible affliction that plagues my friend and future Secretary of State 'Joe the Plumber' and many of those of his chosen profession."
"If McCain is willing to do that for me," said a plumber that heads up a support group. "Then he has my vote because I and many of my brothers have had to endure on the job the harassment, even been driven to tears."
Many plumbers say the worst hazing surprisingly comes from other fellow male construction workers.
"They just don't give out cat calls to pretty girls passing by a worksite," said a plumber who asked not to be identified, fearing reprisals. "Just try laying down some pipe while someone is throwing quarters down the slit of your butt cheeks. It robs you of your dignity. Your manhood."
According to McCain, 'Plumber's Butt Crack' and plumbers' dignity is just a single fetal stem cell cure away.
"Of course, from what I understand about fetal stem cells," said McCain. "We would have to find the stem cell of a plumber's aborted fetus and taking a DNA sample of someone with a tight ass. Like say, oh, I don't know, maybe Sarah Palin. Then mixing them together in a blender, we would eradicate an unwanted disease from the working-class and create one first-class executive ass."
The genetic result would eliminate 'Plumber's Butt Crack' forever, says McCain.
"And more importantly, it will give every American a creak at a nice piece of ass. Just like the one on my future mate -- Ah, I meant running mate," said McCain.