"I'm Pasta caring for England" -- Vainikolo
Lesley Vainikolo, the Tongan born England rugby union debutant, says he now wants to play for Italy.
Read full storyHillary Clinton Announces Radical New Slavery Plan
In a bold move that experts claim was designed to wrestle the minority vote away from surging Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton has announced a radical new policy that she "guarantees will be instated within 90 days of her inauguration."...
Read full storyBarack Obama's "Audacity of HYPE" fails to win Super-Duper Tuesday
On a night when there wasn't even a decent movie worth watching on TV - Super-Tuesday emerged a big winner in the "circus entertainment" genre.
Read full storyOne year on Anna Nicole Smith's mom claims wrong body buried in Nassau
Bahamas - (Sad Ass Mess): On the eve of the first anniversary of Anna Nicole Smith's death her feisty Texan whore-from-hell mother Virgie Arthur has claimed General Colon Bowell ordered a massive cover-up and made sure the wrong body was buried i...
Read full storyNo Migration
A Councillor in a sleepy English village has claimed that both incoming and outgoing birds must be shot on sight to keep down the migrant population.
Read full storyPile of rubbish in park is a statue of Cherie Blair
Holland Park - (Nauseous Mess): A new sculpture of Cherie Blair has been unveiled occupying pride of place next to the Diana Memorial Fountain in Hyde Park.
Read full storyPregnant Woman gives birth to Jelly baby - Husband eats its legs
Hungarian mother, Marizka Twatalov , gave birth to a very healthy 25lb jelly baby in Puskas General hospital last Saturday evening after a gruelling wait of 6 days in a cramped ward. Her husband, Boris Twatal...
Read full storyWilliam Shatner comments on presidential race, endorses self
LOS ANGELES - Emmy-winner, Star Trek's original Captain Kirk, William Shatner weighed in on the ongoing race for the White House, wishing all candidates in both parties luck, and going on record to endorse himself.
Read full storyRomney: "Go f*ck yourselves"
BOSTON - Speaking to a sparse gathering of supporters late last night, former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney expressed disappointment at his poor showing in yesterday's Super Tuesday primaries.
Read full story2008 Elections feature the New Mod Squad
MSM - The 2008 Elections have given birth to a new TV Series: The New Mod Squad!...
Read full storyVitale returns, ears will bleed
After throat surgery and a couple of months rehabbing his strained vocal chords, slap-happy college basketball announcer Dick Vitale returns to TV on Wednesday for the North Carolina-Duke men's game, where he promises to gush, over-analyze, marve...
Read full storyRon Paul Marches On
Republican presidential candidate Ron Paul vowed to continue his eclectic campaign after getting drubbed on Super Tuesday. Paul has managed to grab a stranglehold on fourth place in the delegate count in this 4-way race. CNN projects...
Read full storyLewis Hamilton Calls A Truce With Spanish Racists
Lewis Hamilton, the British Formula 1 Racing Driver who was taunted by Spanish racists at the track in Barcelona last weekend, has appealed to his attackers for calm in a statement released today.
Read full storyPlague strikes US; Huckabee States Unaffected
A plague-like disease is sweeping the United States, reported the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) today. The main victims appear to be first-born male children of moderate Republican voters. Along with the disease, the states have been hard-hit by...
Read full storyManchester United Fans 'Remember' Munich Air Disaster
Manchester United supporters today marked the 50th anniversary of the Munich Air Disaster, in which 8 players lost their lives, with a commemorative service at Old Trafford, which brought a lump to m...
Read full storyFabio Capello: My England 0 Switzerland 5 Ash Wednesday Fears
Wembley - ('Erewego 'Erewego 'Erewego Mess): Superstitious England football coach Fabio Capello has voiced pre-match fears of an England-Switzerland five nil washout at Wembley Stadium tonight.
Read full storyRoger Federer says Andy Murray too ugly to be great
Roger Federer has launched a blistering attack on British tennis player, Andy Murray.
Read full storyCapello Warned By FA: Speak English Or You're Out!
England football manager Fabio Capello has been warned by the Football Association that, regardless of results on the field of play, he will be out of a job within three months if he fails to show sufficient promise...
Read full storyGeorge Bush diagnosed with Irritable Bowel Syndrome
Sources close to White House have confirmed that the reason why George Bush has so many slips of his tongue and puts his foot in his mouth during his public speeches is because he has irritable bowel syndrome (IBS).
Read full storyBeatles' con-artist Maharishi Mahesh Yogi dead at 91
Vlodrop, Netherlands - (Rioters): Transcendental meditation con-artist and self-styled Beatles' guru Maharishi Mahesh Yogi has died after a lifetime of self-medicating with LSD, crack cocaine and offshore bank account donation overdoses.
Read full storyPapal audience for Mrs & Mrs Bin Laden Jr
Vatican - (Preposterous Mess): Newly-marrieds Jane Felix Browne and Omar Bin Laden are in Rome, hoping for a Papal audience in their continuing public campaign to find missing paterfamilias Osama Bin Laden.
Read full storyBritney mind control claims: manager says K-Fed responsible
Los Angeles - (Alimony Mess): Sam Lufti has lashed out at stories he was behind a mind/vagina control trap to drug singer Britney Spears into hypnagogic submission.
Read full storyBig money ready for Clinton/ Pelosi dream ticket announcement
Off the Wall Street - (Primary Mess): A huge surge of City money is poised to pour into Hillary Clinton's campaign coffers amid reports Nancy Pelosi will veep on the former first lady's dream ticket.
Read full storyDesperate Mitt Romney Makes Fatal Error, Screams Like Howard Dean
M'ass-a-hurts, Massachusetts (LDS Church Gazette) - Following news of big wins in North Dakota and other states that "really don't matter", GOP presidential hopeful Mitt Romney went ballistic in front of microphones during a press c...
Read full storyDoublemint Gum New Ad Campaign doubles their troubles!
Doublemint Gum INC has had more than their share of sticky situations over the years. Tooth decay fears rotted their sales in the 60's and 70's. Sugar caused Diabetes almost amputated the company in the 80's and 90's and the threat of...
Read full storyCriminologists Prefer Penises Over Fingers
The Federation of Unique Criminologists(FUC) has announced its preference for penis over fingers.
Read full storyDemobigots 4 McCain!
Fellow Demobigots : A new movement is surging across 2008 election America that pundits are comparing to the 80's phenomenon of the Raygun Democrats.
Read full storyDemo Bigot Voters In Quandry!
Almost anyone who grew up in a working class Democrat family can identify with the Demobigot. Maybe he was your Dad, your Uncle Guiseppe, Tio Jose or Opa but there they were card-carrying union members who voted Democratic like it was a religion but regularly disrespected women and blacks.
Read full storyMaharishi Mahesh Yogi Dies
Maharishi Mahesh Yogi the Indian guru who founded the Transcendental Meditation movement, a Hindu practice of mind control died at 91, in the small Indian village of Vlodrop, Netherlands.
Read full storyBlair and Boogie
Former British Prime Minister Tony Blair is to front a new band made up of former world leaders.
Read full storyUniverse only one square on a Rubik's Cube
Scientists in Chutney on the Fritz have proven that the known universe is only one square on a Rubik's Cube.
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