Bahamas - (Sad Ass Mess): On the eve of the first anniversary of Anna Nicole Smith's death her feisty Texan whore-from-hell mother Virgie Arthur has claimed General Colon Bowell ordered a massive cover-up and made sure the wrong body was buried in the Nassau plot.
"I have conclusive evidence that my daughter's body was taken to a Pentagon facility for secret DNA programming research," the ex-policewoman said today.
"Anna Nicole's genes were so special and so encrypted with shattering genetic evidence of humans' potential immortality that General Colon Bowell was ordered to make a body swap," Arthur drawled, "in case of marauding bounty-hunters tryin' to dig her up for her gold teeth, and all.
"I know she's in some walk-in deep freeze near Roswell, New Mexico, I guess," Arthur continued, "having her internal organs analysed by laserbeam microscopes or whathaveya.
"Well, I ain't gonna take this lying down.
"First thing tomorrow I'm hiring an earthmover and I'm heading down Nassau way to dig up the impostor masquerading as my little Anna Nicole."
Larry Birkhead is 37.
