Jamie Lynn: Sex Scandal
Nickelodeon actress Jamie Lynn Spears admitted to pregnancy two months ago, and now it has been discovered who the father of her child is.Read full story
Ronaldo signs new contract
Cristiano Ronaldo today put pen to paper on a new twelve month contract with a leading network. Under the terms of the new deal, Ronaldo will be required to pay £14.99 a month, in return for which he will receive a brand new mobile phone. Manchester...Read full story
Maverick Republican makes bid for Eskimo vote
Congressman Ron Paul is hoping that Eskimos will be the one voter bloc with whom he can claim a clear win on Super Tuesday. While Eskimos are notorious for their unpredictability in choosing presidential candidates, early indications suggest that the...Read full story
Pants for Hillary - and none for Bill
Hillary Clinton has confirmed that she will wear the pants in the White House if she gets elected.Read full story
Fabio Capello cuts off Rio Ferdinand's finger to demonstrate new discipline
Fabio Capello has once again demonstrated how he intends to inculcate discipline into the recalcitrant England squad.Read full story
Roger Federer: My Nights of Torment
Basel - (Insomnia Mess): Twelve times grand slam winner Roger Federer seems in buoyant mood ahead of the reported $10 million exhibition match on 10 March at the Madison Square Garden Men's Vogue/NetJets Showdown against world record ho...Read full story
Twin Girls to play for England
Sometimes legends are made, sometimes legends are born, but very occasionally legends are made before they're born. Michelle Stepney, the daughter of football legend, Alex Stepney, the long time Goalkeeper for Manchester United,...Read full story
Mike Huckabee Challenges Prominent Jewish Civic Leaders
LITTLE ROCK, AR -- Last night, during a taping of Larry King Live, Baptist preacher and Republican Presidential candidate, Mike Huckabee, challenged Jewish civic leaders to a winner-take-all cage match to determine whose religion is "cooler.&quo...Read full story
Ann Romney Doesn't Mind Being "Second Wife"
BOSTON, MA -- The political world was stunned last weekend when news that Republican Presidential hopeful, Mitt Romney, was a polygamist was leaked to the media.Read full story
Miley Cyrus linked to repetitive motion disorders in Tweens and Tweenies, says CDC
Atlanta, Georgia - Millions of reports from emergency rooms in hospitals all across the county are pouring into the Center for Disease Control (CDC) in Atlanta, Georgia, that young girls between the ages of five and 15-years of age are being treated...Read full story
Boris Sulks: But I'm On Elton's Xmas List!
The spokesman for Tory Mayor of London candidate Boris Badenov announced this morning in a hastily-called press briefing that Boris was 'hurt and quite, quite upset' at news that Sir Elton John is now backing Lib Dem rival Brian Paddywacker,...Read full story
A child's letter to President Bush
Rarely am I so moved by the innocence of a child. But the letter below made me do some pondering and reflecting. Please read it with the same child-like innocence with which it was written:...Read full story
CPUSA Endorses McCain!
Confirming the fears of Republicans everywhere, the Communist Party of the USA has endorsed Senator McCain for president.Read full story
Wasps floor Quaintrarse Mile High Club beanos
Brisbane, Australia - (Pain in the Ass Mess): Wasps have been blamed for thwarting Australian national carrier Quaintarse's mile high club charter beanos after being discovered nesting in the club's traditional first class stomping ground un...Read full story
Reality TV Lessens Crushing Misery of Modern Existence
Pat Mcpail of Coos Bay, OR is an assembly line worker. He's clearly over qualified for his job and feels unappreciated at home, but he is excited about this years season of "American Idol." He states "I get a kick out of that Simon...Read full story
Obama olive branch to Hillary: be my Veep!
Washington AC/DC - (AssoCIAted Mess): "Ain't ever second-fiddling to that little upstart," Hillary Clinton raged today after Barack Obama's magnificently generous offer to put the former first lady on the ticket as his Vice President.Read full story
Pancake Day: Jamie Oliver Gives Advice On 'How To Be A Perfect Tosser'
Pancake Day, or Shrove Tuesday, is upon us once again, and celebrity chef Jamie Oliver has this morning been speaking on the BBC to give the best advice on 'How to be a Perfect Tosser'.Read full story
Christianity Rejoices As Holy Bible Is Found To Contain 'At Least A Grain Of Truth'
Leaders of the Christian church were celebrating today after it was discovered that not all of what is written in the Holy Bible is absolute fantasy.Read full story
Winehouse begs for US visa on Britney visit compassionate grounds
London - (Therapeutic Mess): Detoxing stick insect singer Amy Winehouse has pleaded with embassy officials for a US travel visa on compassionate grounds.Read full story
Heathrow crash jet targetted by ecowarriors' railgun prototype
Heathrow Airport - (Taser Beam Mess): Last month's Heathrow jet crash landing may have been caused by an adapted taser-ray based on the Pentagon's railgun according to Anti-Terror cops monitoring airport expansion protesters.Read full story
Pope hails human sacrifice after remains found under Vatican
Vatican - (Cannibal Mess): The remains of hundreds of young adults and children have been discovered under the Vatican kitchens prompting fears the Pope will now have to come clean about pontifical ritual dietary secrets.Read full story
President Bush Endorses Ron Paul
Today President George Bush announced he is endorsing ten-term Congressman Ron Paul for the Republican party presidential nominee.Read full story
Ron Paul Wins Maine
Ron Paul, the outsider Republican presidential candidate, stunned the political world with a victory in the state of Maine. While Mitt Romney recorded 52% of the vote to Paul's 19%, quirks in the Maine process led to Paul winning 40% of the state...Read full story