After throat surgery and a couple of months rehabbing his strained vocal chords, slap-happy college basketball announcer Dick Vitale returns to TV on Wednesday for the North Carolina-Duke men's game, where he promises to gush, over-analyze, marvel at everything mundane and haul out his tired cliches in an effort to make up for lost time.
"What better way to come back than with a game on Tobacco Road with two coaches who are always in my dreams," Vitale said.
The likable 68-year-old ESPN house man may not be able to yell his trademark "It's Awesome, Babeeeee!" every 15 seconds, but he will adapt by clanging a bell, shooting off an airhorn and pounding his fist on the press table during the two-hour Atlantic Coast Conference lovefest. ESPN officials said the volume will be turned up high to ensure Vitale is just as annoying without his scratchy, high-decibel voice as he was with it.
But yelling is only part of Vitale's worn-out charm. Even though he's genuinely in love with the game, he's become a cartoon figure, waving his arms as he talks madly about coaches he adores and bopping in his seat like a jittery used-car salesman.
Meanwhile, Vitale's credibility, which began diving back in the 1990s, sags further when he pats incompetent coaches on the back and fires shame-on-you salvos at schools, athletic departments and fans who seek their ousters and a breath of fresh air from years of bad recruiting and in-game decision-making.
"I will be bubbly," Vitale told reporters before the game. "I will make something out of nothing. I will sell anything shamelessly. And I will bow down and kiss the hem of Bob Knight's garment.
"The General, babeeeee! Will someone please point me to his behind. It's time to pucker up."
