Romney: "Go f*ck yourselves"

Funny story written by Steve Shives

Wednesday, 6 February 2008

image for Romney: "Go f*ck yourselves"

BOSTON - Speaking to a sparse gathering of supporters late last night, former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney expressed disappointment at his poor showing in yesterday's Super Tuesday primaries.

"You know, I've really had it with this," an exasperated Romney told the crowd of approximately 75 people who remained at his campaign headquarters following the closing of polls in California at 11 P.M. ET. "To all those across the nation, participating in primary elections and caucuses in 24 states in all regions of this great land, I say this: go fuck yourselves."

"All the speeches I've been giving, all the money I've spent on this, and you people vote for John McCain or Mike Huckabee?" Romney continued, adding, "Mike Huckabee."

Despite being touted as a possible front-runner as recently as a month ago, Romney's campaign faltered yesterday, finishing behind Arizona senator John McCain or former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee in nearly every contest, coming in a distant third-place in several states.

Those gathered in support of Romney in his home state of Massachusetts, one of the few Super Tuesday contests won by Romney, were not spared the candidate's ire. "Oh, are you enjoying the food?" Romney asked, interrupting himself in mid-sentence upon noticing two campaign volunteers carrying plates of batter-fried shrimp from a catered snack bar. "Do you have any idea how much all this shit is costing me? And for what? That's the sad part. For what?"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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