Bank Manager Sacked for Being Nice to a Customer
Ron Charming, manager of the HSBC (Hacked-off Sods Banking Company) bank in the Worcestershire sleepy hollow of Little Legover was today told to clear his desk because he was nice to a customer.
Read full storyTerrestrial Intelligence Found On Planet Earth
Scientists at the Search for Terrestrial Foundational Understanding have reported that they have, for the first time, found signs of intelligence on the planet Earth.
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Cleveland Steamer pics
In an attempt to distract the world from the risqué pictures currently circulating on the internet, Miley Cyrus has published her photographic collection of famous American boats through the ages.
Read full storyJohnny McC Uses Taxpayer-Paid Prison Labor to Set Up for Funraiser!
Republicans have presided over the growth of the largest US prison population and proportionately the world's biggest bunch of jailbirds in history. Maybe this is what gave Repub Prez candie Johnny McC the idea.
Read full storyMoe N Moe Dowdy can't Decide Where to Sink Her Fangs!
Moe N Moe Dowdy the NY Times political op-ed gossip tattler cannot seem to decide where to sink her famously vampiric fangs this time.
Read full storyA Socialist, a Gay Bobbie and Boris and Natasha Walk into an Election...
Sound like the opening of a bad joke? And so it is, as the election for Lord High Mayor of London comes down to the wire. Londoneers across the sprawling, grid-locked (sorry, Red Ken) metropolis are still trying to make up their minds amid the three...
Read full storyDaniel Radcliffe to be Next Prime Minister
I don't pretend to know anything about politics or any of those other intellectual subjects, mainly because I am too busy 'stalking' good old Radders but I can tell you this, Daniel Radcliffe is planning to replace Gordon Brown as the Pri...
Read full storyDaniel Radcliffe Goes Ginger
Yesterday Daniel Radcliffe was spotted on busy London Street looking surprisingly different. No he wasn't dressed in drag. No he hasn't had plastic surgery. His hair was ginger, very ginger.
Read full storyIran Bans Imports of Barbie Dolls
The Iranian Foreign Trade Commission has banned the import and sale of Barbie Dolls within the country. Stating that this doll, one of the most popular and best selling toys in the world, was an evil influence on the Iranian people, the government s...
Read full storyBush Family Advertising Deal With Anheuser-Busch
Anheuser-Busch announced today that it has signed a landmark advertising deal with the Bush family, including former President George H. W. Bush (George Bush Senior), current President George W. Bush, and others. Terms of the deal were not disclosed,...
Read full storyShips Bring In Extra Whiskey Amid Strike
Extra foreign whiskey supplies have started arriving in Scotland, to make up for possible shortages due to the Graingemouth strike this week.
Read full storyHarry Potter exhibition in World Tour for ever!
A US company has teamed up with Warner Bros Studios for Harry Potter: The Exhibition.
Read full storyWeight loss in US jail concern
Prison authorities are being accused of trying to force prisoners to escape by slimming them down so much that they will be able to squeeze through the bars. The allegations came to light after one prisoner, complained of losing
Read full storySan Antonio Extends Statute Of Limitations for Ozzy Osbourne
In February of 1982, musician Ozzy Osbourne was arrested in San Antonio, Texas. He was wearing a dress in the downtown area and seen urinating on a statue in front of the Alamo. The monument was a shrine to the men, women, and children who died at...
Read full storyFreedom Fiscal Freefall is Good for America, says Bush
Washington, DC - "America is not heading for a new Republican Great Depression," said George W Bush today, "We are flying into a glorious Freedom Fiscal Freefall."...
Read full storyCristiano Ronaldo Dive Was Cause Of 'Groundsmen Scuffle'
Reports coming out of Stamford Bridge this afternoon suggest that a dive by Manchester United whinger Cristiano Ronaldo long after fans had gone home was the cause of the scuffle between United players and
Read full storySuperpower Status for Sale
Earlier today the White House released a pending Executive Order which may subsequently allow the US Treasury to auction off a lease for "the status of superpower and priviliges thereof".
Read full storyWills' Order of the Gutter
London - (Preposterous Mess): Fetid Hellfire Club tribute artiste Prince William is to get the Order of the Gutter.
Read full storyMayoral hopeful Brian Paddywacker still #1 gay choice, Boris Badenov showers to increase appeal
In the latest Mayoral polls, Brian Paddywacker remains the clear choice of the gay community based on his excellent track record of good personal grooming and despite his relatively catty demeanor, although Boris Badenov recently increased hi...
Read full storyCustoms Official Claims Terror Suspects had Canadian Passports
TORONTO, ON - A Canada Customs official is adamant that he adhered to procedural guidelines and did not deviate from protocol when clearing three suspected terrorists through customs at Toronto's Pearson International Airport.
Read full storyScientists to Rename Value for George W. Bush
In science, zero degrees Kelvin is known as "absolute zero." This temperature, also measured at -273.15 degrees Celcius, is the point where no heat radiates from an object, no molecules are in motion, and nothing can be colder.
Read full storyIranian prosecutor blames Barbie doll for Tehran police chief's descent into depravity
Tehran - (Infidel Mess): Iran's prosecutor-general has blamed a sexually explicit life-size rubber puppet once belonging to Butcher of Lyon SS-Hauptsturmführer Klaus Barbie for Tehran police chief General Reza Zarei's much publicised...
Read full storyManufacturing industry admits they don't make them like they used to
The Department of Trade and Industry today issued it's long awaited report into current manufacturing processes and concluded that your dad is right - they no longer manufacture using previously valid methods.
Read full storySupplies Restored to Gazza
In a brave move, and under pressure from international organisations, the authorities have decided to restore alcohol supplies to Gazza.
Read full storyFemale Leg Research
According to recent research, it would appear Kylie Minogue has legs.
Read full storyFormer Obama Pastor Wright Defends Statements
Reverend Jeremiah Wright, the controversial former Pastor of Senator and Presidential candidate Barack Obama, attempted to defend his position in an address to the NAACP yesterday. He has been in the news lately for statements that AIDS was created...
Read full storyNew Religion Started in St James', Newcastle
If you are Christian, Jewish, Moslem, Mormon, 7th day Adventist, a Buddhist, Eric Clapton or even Welsh, the arrival of a new God at the start of the year, and recently omnipresent in the North East of England, threatens to debunk all the world's...
Read full storyAmerican Idol Announces Summer Show With New Format
American Idol, king of reality shows on U.S. television, has announced a new spin off to air this summer. The show, titled "Not the American Idol," will begin running one week after the regular program ends in May and will continue through...
Read full storySchwarzenegger Calls On Austrian Builders To Halt Cellar Installations
California governor Sir Arnold Schwarzenegger has called on Austrian builders to postpone any more construction projects that include cellars, until a thorough search of all current properties with cellars has been c...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Upset Due to Vanity Fair Photos
Miley Cyrus, the 15 year old star of the Hannah Montana children's series, is upset about a photo shoot of her due to appear in an upcoming issue of Vanity Fair magazine. Several pictures form that session have been leaked to the press and include s...
Read full storyAnd Man Created a God in his Own Image
We all know that the union of a human egg and sperm is called fertilization. For this process to properly materialize, in addition to a mind set, some physical conditions are required.
Read full storyTimmy Mallett Enters Race for London Mayor
Timmy "Mr Entertainer" Mallett is the most recent last minute entry to the race for Mayor of London. Dressed in garish, throw-away fashions from Primark, the 52 year-old plans to take the race by storm.
Read full storyPresident Bush To Begin Writing Memoirs
George W. Bush announced over the weekend that he plans to begin writing his presidential memoirs. In a statement made on Larry King Live, he announced the goal to have these completed by this time next year.
Read full storySecrets of the Knights Templar revealed!
The Knights Templar were once the most powerful organisation in the world with more power than the Catholic church and finances that rivalled the richest of European Kings. That was up until the early 14th century when they were all but wiped out. Ho...
Read full storyHillary Snaps Out at Obama
(Corn, Indiana) Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama met by chance in front of the Qwikky Motel in this tiny town today. They were both campaigning in the same strip-mall. It looked like Hillary was about to shake Obama's hand when something unexpect...
Read full storyRoger Rabbit Banned
Roger the Rabbit has been banned by the Society of People Endlessly Ranting and Mouthing (SPERM) for potentially encouraging bestiality amongst the under-aged.
Read full storyPlanning row erupts over Jodie Marsh's boobs
PLANNING officers have recommended Jodie Marsh's new boobs be torn down after she applied for retrospective planning permission for the rack.
Read full storyAdolf Hitler Found In Austrian Bunker
Adolf Hitler, the well-known German Chancellor and wartime tyrant, has been found alive and well with several of his closest aides, in a secret bunker under a house in the Austrian town of Amstetten, say police.
Read full storyCarmen Electra, Paris Hilton and Prince Frolic Nude at Coachella Party
THERMAL, Calif. (FMLiveWire) - - The stars got together here for a private orgy of self-indulgent naked frolicking after the smash Coachella rock concert that featured Prince.
Read full storyNew Government research reveals absolutely nothing
Some new research undertaken by the government to inflate the pockets of yet more overpaid consultants, has revealed absolutely nothing.
Read full storyPapa Panzer: Ordination in Vaticanation
Thespoof reporters who usually cover little league snooker in Scandinavia went to the Vatican to interview the Pope on complex theological matters pertaining to ordination.
Read full storySadr City, Who's Taking Out the Trash: The Musical
In what appears to be the Iraqi version of Urinetown: The Musical, Sadr City, Who's Taking out the Trash - The Musical is opening to sell out crowds in the one theater still open sometimes in Baghdad's once thriving theater district.
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Topless in Vanity Fair
Google.com seized up today, as dirty old men, desperate male teenagers and fat lesbians trawled the internet looking for the rumoured topless photos of Hannah Montana star, Miley Cyrus.
Read full storyStallWallScrawl.cum: The Papal Visit
Bathroom graffiti collectors for StallWallScrawl followed the Holy Father's visit to the US of A and sampled the Vicar of Christ on Earth's influence on the scrawl on the bathroom wall:...
Read full storyBush Invents Cure for Obesity of the Ameri Can!
No one would have guessed that the universally recognized Worst President Ever, George W Bush would be the scientifically acclaimed savior of the obesity of the Ameri-can.
Read full storyNo Ban on Bull's Balls
Last week in Tallahassee, FL USA, members of the State Senate voted to ban "fake bull testicles" that are often hung from the trailer tow hitches on pickups & cars. There would have been a $60 fine for putting a bogus scrotum attachment on...
Read full storyJustice Department Defends Road to Hell!
The Road to Hell, the US Justice Department says, is paved with terrorist prevention. Letters released this week from the US Justice Department advise that if the motive is the prevention of terrorism, any and all means are Justice Dept justified.
Read full storyJohnny McC, the New Old Bush, Will Be the First Gen XXX in the White House
Gen XXX, the kiddies of the 1930's has never had a representative in the White House. Johnny McC, the new old Bush hopes that he will be the first of his cohort to be able to rent out the Lincoln bedroom.
Read full storyComedy refinery to shutdown due to writers strike
A strike by Comedy gold miners has led to the temporary shutdown of the comedy refinery in Bangor."We can't keep the refinery open if there is no raw material coming in so we have to shut it down during the writers strike.' said a spokes...
Read full storyAnti-racism concert reminds thousands of our differences
Thousands of fans enjoyed the musical stylings of several young beat-combos at an outdoor festival to promote anti-racism in London yesterday.
Read full storySri Lankan street dogs beg to be left alone
Following the revelation that an entire litter of puppies were put down following the discovery of rabies in one of their beautiful, cute little brothers, a spokescanine for Sri Lankan street dogs has made a formal request to the British Embassy in C...
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