Schwarzenegger Calls On Austrian Builders To Halt Cellar Installations

Written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 28 April 2008


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Get your ass to Mars

California governor Sir Arnold Schwarzenegger has called on Austrian builders to postpone any more construction projects that include cellars, until a thorough search of all current properties with cellars has been carried out.

According to 'statistics', around 800,000 Austrians are currently listed as missing, and many of these may be hidden in cellars just like the recent case in Amstetten, where a 42-year-old woman was kept for 24 years along with her 7 children borne out of incest.

Schwarzenegger was, himself, ein Dunjenskaptiver until the age of 7. He spent his time bodybuilding, and practised his hobby with such Teutonic determination that he eventually broke out of the cellar and became Mr Universe.
Later he got into movies.

Today, he spoke out against the building of more cellars, or Bunkere, and said that, Austrians should try to "work through their family arguments", as opposed to summarily dispatching their loved ones to the dungeon and ritually raping them.

All Austrian houses that were built before 1950 had dungeons installed beneath them for entertainment purposes, but Schwarzenegger said:

"Ja, but dat was den, dis is now, mein Freund", adding:

"I need your clothes. Give them to me. Now."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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