Bush Administration row over occult
Washington DC - (Ass Mess): US President George Bush has accused his Vice President Dick Cheney of wishing him dead and consulting GOP holy men on the date of his demise.
Read full storyThe Bush Multi-Level Marketing Plan
The Bush MLM Plan This Multi-Level Marketing Plan combines regular Multi-Level Marketing with full blown pyramid schemes! Just...
Read full storyBush Says Carter Violated Patriot Act
President Bush, striking back at Jimmy Carter for his interview with the Arkansas Democrat newspaper, says that the former President broke the law. "Jimmy done it to hisself," said Mr. Bush. "He off and violated the Patriot Act. I p...
Read full storyThe Word of God Reveals Truth About Christian Music
The editors of CCM Magazine are in a quandary. It seems that Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, has made a pronouncement on the Christian music scene.
Read full storyManchester Olympics nearing reality
An email from Ken Livingstone to the Olympic Delivery Authority has been leaked to TheSpoof.com. The recent renaming of the thoroughfare leading to the new Wembley Stadium from "Wembley Way" to "Olympic Way" gives warning of a pla...
Read full storyGeorge Bush To Have Jimmy Carter Arrested
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Washington, D.C. - President George W. Bush made a televised announcement today about Jimmy Carter calling him and his administration the worst in history. The president announced his displeasure at the accusations.
Read full storyJimmy Carter Wins Second Nobel Prize For Honesty
Former US president Jimmy Carter today was awarded a second Nobel Prize, this time for "honesty in the face of growing hostility".
Read full storyCarter Backs Away.
After delivering a stinging dissertation on the ineffectiveness, unprofessional, inflammatory, and completely mishandled foreign policy put into effect by the current administration, Jimmy Carter has back tracked a little on his declaration.
Read full storyGlobal warming boom for naturalists
Frank Bonner, chairman of the Somerset Naturalist Society believes global warming will have us all in our birthday suits one day.
Read full storyBush appoints new Blame Czar
President Bush announced today that he has appointed former Congressman Newt Gingrich to be the nation's first Blame Czar. According to the White House, the primary function of the new position will be to assess blame for the administration's...
Read full storyChelsea's Amnesty International garden 'to be planted opposite US Embassy'
London - (Ass Mess): The Amnesty International show garden at this year's Chelsea Flower Show is to be replanted at a site opposite the US Embassy in London at the end of this week as a protest against the Bush Administration's countless acts...
Read full storyBush Irate Over Carter Comments
The White House security detail went to high alert status yesterday when they could not find President George W. Bush. After twenty minutes of diligently searching under beds, in closets, and under tables (his favorite places to hide in games of hid...
Read full storyIraq tourism boost as London buses plan sightseeing trips
Baghdad - (Ass Mess): In a brainwave solution to defuse the civil war in Iraq, London Buses is to spearhead a brainwave initiative by Mayor Ken Livingstone to promote sightseeing trips around the Iraqi capital in disused iconic red London Routemaster...
Read full storyMonkey 98% George W Bush.
In a story we reported on last week, where researchers somewhere uncovered the not so shocking facts that George Bush is 98% Monkey.
Read full storyBush Replies to Former President Jimmy Carter Calling Him Worst President Ever
In an interview with an Arkansas newspaper, former President Jimmy Carter called George "Dubya" Bush "our worst president ever." Carter pointed out all of the Bush flaws and failures in domestic policy, foreign policy, and econom...
Read full storySigns and Omens Act V, Scene 666: the Sweating Nepalese Deity Statue
Nepal - (Rioters): A statue of the Hindu deity Bhimeshwor at the Shanta Krishna Shresthatemple at Dolakha, 43 miles east of Kathmandu has broken out in sweat according to reports today.
Read full storyCutty Sark Adds To Global Warming Threat
The Cutty Sark which is still on fire, could pose a threat to the world's climate through increased Global Warming, it has been claimed. The ship, which was undergoing a £25million refit with a view to being put...
Read full storyStallone Convicted in Australian Steroid Drug Smuggling Case
American actor Sylvester Stallone was formally convicted in court for his smuggling of 48 bottles of illegal steroids into Australia in February. Stallone lied to customs officials about having a prescription for the medication that is illegal in bo...
Read full storySo you're thinking of having kids?
As humans, it is our basic biological drive to pro-create and bring children into the world. However, 9 times out of 10 we blunder into this folly without the slightest inkling of the cataclysmic life change that having kids brings about.
Read full storyHarry Potter Actress Emma Watson Has Breast Size Enlarged in Movie Posters
Apparently, "the best witch of her generation" is not the "breast" witch of her generation. In movie posters promoting the new Harry Potter film, the Hermione Granger character has gone from a cute, perky smaller breasted teen to, abra-cadabra, a pa...
Read full storyNATO chief slams Bush at Predator Chapel Ranch summit
Crawford, Texas - (Ass Mess): Failure to check Corrupt Bastards Club turf wars around the world's oil-rich hot spots has been blamed squarely on the Bush Administration by NATO Secretary-General Jaap de Hoop Scheffer during his two day stay at Pr...
Read full storyRomney Converts to Christianity
Appearing last night on the cable news show 'Softball' Presidential hopeful and former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney announced that he has converted from Mormonism to Christianity. This was a shock to Softball host Chris Mathews who pro...
Read full storyCutty Sark arson blamed on Corrupt Bastards Club
Greenwhich - (Ass Mess): The Corrupt Bastards Club is being blamed for today's arson attack to scuttle the hysteric 19th century iconic ship the Cutty Sark during a £25 million dry dock refit in Greenwhich.
Read full storyVoters confused about Ru Paul!
Washington DC - World ASS' Press: - early polls are showing a certain amount of confusion over who is actually in the running for President.
Read full story"What's this Mammy?" Toddler reignites Northern Irish conflict
The curiosity of a child could mean that hundreds of years of religious intolerance and conflict are back on in Northern Ireland after a brief interlude of peace.
Read full storyCivilian Winehouse Chain To Open 100th Store
Amy Winehouse secretly married Blake Field-Civilian, the famous food retail magnate in an effort to boost the flagging sales of her £1000000 off license chain.
Read full storyNew style school reports prove popular
A secondary school has been applauded after a confidential report book which called pupils names like "ding bat" and "wally" was found lying in a street.
Read full storyWhite House denounces Carter/Peace.
Such bitter exchanges are rare between an incumbent US president and one of his predecessors, analysts say but that is exactly what is happening here.
Read full storyBlair in Popstar Style Farewell
David Cameron, the leader of the Tory party has been moaning about Tony Blair's handdover of power to the next clone.
Read full storyAnti Depressants at an All Time High
According to medical practioners and receipts from the Chemist (Drugstore) the use of anti depressants is at its highest level since records began in 1942.
Read full storyMinority Report Comes to UK - Report "Potentially Violent People"
In a situation shockingly familiar to viewers of the film Minority Report, leaked Home Office plans show the Government wants council staff, charity workers and doctors to become informers, tipping police off about people who might commit a violent...
Read full storyThe Harry to be Redeployed
Prince Harry has been told that he will not go to do army stuff in Southern Iraq as it is too dangerous.
Read full storyFA Cup Final Will Be In Cardiff Next Year
In an astonishing development over the weekend, the English Football Association has announced that, after a nightmarishly boring FA Cup final at the New Wembley stadium on Saturday, next year's final will revert to the M...
Read full storyBritney Spears' Ass In The Hot Seat, Again
According to passengers on a flight from Los Angeles International Airport, Britney Spears, on her way to an Orlando Florida performance at the House of Blues, refused to fly because there were no leather seats on the airliner.
Read full storyArsenal In Shock Takeover Bid By London Underworld
In a shocking new development, Arsenal Football Club will become the first club to be bankrolled by the London Underworld, should a deal be agreed.
Read full storyUK Reclaims Canada as Colony
Canada's Prime Minister, Stephen Harper, announced today that Canada would rejoin the UK (United Kingdom) and renounce its independence. "Being on our own is just too much work," Harper explained, "particularly when you've got...
Read full story