Signs and Omens Act V, Scene 666: the Sweating Nepalese Deity Statue

Funny story written by queen mudder

Monday, 21 May 2007

image for Signs and Omens Act V, Scene 666: the Sweating Nepalese Deity Statue
Starting to sweat again: Hindu deity Bhimeshwor

Nepal - (Rioters): A statue of the Hindu deity Bhimeshwor at the Shanta Krishna Shresthatemple at Dolakha, 43 miles east of Kathmandu has broken out in sweat according to reports today.

Bhimeshwor is worshipped by millions as the deity governing trade and commerce including heroin dealing as well as locally-grown delicacies such as Nepalese Black, a cannabis resin variant popular with hippies from the 1970s onwards.

Visitors to the temple shrine are warning that the copious perspiration emanating from the statue is a portent of imminent turmoil, crises, natural disasters or NATO troops smashing local dope dealing cartels that has hidden successfully behind the Dalai Lama's entourage for over a decade.

"The last time Bhimeshwor broke out in a sweat was just before the royal massacre in 2001 when Charles, the Pretender to the UK throne, was busted by NATO for is role in hiring the 9/11 accomplices referred to as Osama's Men," a shrine priests' spokesman said today.

"The Nepalese crown prince of that day was implicated in the conspiracy and went on a drunken shooting rampage that killed nine members of his royal family including the king and queen before turning the weapon on himself.

"Previously in 1934 the idol broke into a sweat aheaqd of a tremendous earthquake that buried tousands of other Nepalese shrines to lesser deities competing with Bhimeshwor.

"We've taken some precautions including spraying the statue with Right Guard For Men. But things is now serious.

"Today the statue looks soaking wet.

"Either it's pissed itself, or it's heavy perspiration.

"Either way the omens are worrying."

Temple priests are now organising a frenzied remedy to assuage the deity's wrath with a huge seven day animal sacrifice ritual involving one thousand goats, five hundred cockerels and all the rounded up cockroaches from the temple precinct.

"If this doesn't placate Bhimeshwor I don't kno0w what will."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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