Stallone Convicted in Australian Steroid Drug Smuggling Case

Written by Jalapenoman

Monday, 21 May 2007

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No more pills for Rocky

American actor Sylvester Stallone was formally convicted in court for his smuggling of 48 bottles of illegal steroids into Australia in February. Stallone lied to customs officials about having a prescription for the medication that is illegal in both countries.

Stallone was fined over $10,000 U.S. dollars and also received the following punishments:

  1. He is not permitted to make any more Rocky Balboa films since they have all sucked since the second one.
  2. He is not permitted to complete the upcoming Rambo film, since 60 year old action heroes on steroids are not believable.
  3. He is required to learn to speak the English language in a manner that will be intelligible to the English speaking world outside of inner city New York.
  4. He is required by the court order to have surgery to fix those "ugly looking droopy eyes" and "Get a damned haircut.
  5. He is barred from ever taking any steroids or attempting to break Hank Aaron's home run record.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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