Britney Spears Announces, I'm Smart Too, Bimboism Cult Expoosed
Malibu Calif. Britney Spears called a press conference today in response to Paris Hilton's new declaration, "I'm not dumb, I'm smart."...
Read full storySony Brings Out Violent New PS3 Game Set In Vatican
Following condemnation from the Church Of England of the new bloodbath PS3 game set around Manchester Cathedral, game giants Sony have today revealed plans to bring out a new war game set within the holy confines of the Vatican.
Read full storyDow Jones Bancroft does a jumper
In breaking news this intrepid reporter has just witnessed that Dow Jones Bancroft has jumped from the top of The Wall Street Journal building, and taken the whole family with him. What a tragedy! The New York Stock Exchange will collapse and take the world with it.
Read full storyPolice Dogs Sacked For Behaving Like The Police
Two stray dogs who forged a top police career in Thailand under a training programme to create an elite sniffer dog force have been sacked for corruption.
Read full storyCartoonist Outs George H.W. Bush
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - New York - The subject? The REAL leader of the United States of America. Who you ask? George H.W. Bush, the AntiChrist.
Read full storyLieberman says bomb Vatican City
Senator Joseph Lieberman has called on the Bush administration to begin a military assault on Vatican City immediately. Lieberman told reporters he was apoplectic with anger over Pope Benedict's discussion of the "worrying situation in Iraq&...
Read full storyMedia Producing Mixed Messages on Ron Paul; Voters Confused
With interest in the presidential primaries heating up among the electorate, television viewers are tuning in the major news networks to find out which candidate the media has chosen for them to vote for in the presidential primaries. However, more...
Read full storyRoyal Ascot warned to check insurance after dismal astrology forecast
Ascot, Berkshire - (Ass Mess): The Royal Ascot racecourse has been issued with a red alert by insurance industry sources after credible astrology reports warned that the start of the meeting on 19 June is "redolent with disasters of Biblical pro...
Read full storyParis Hilton Dumps Bimbo Act, Finds God, Turning a Charitable Leaf
Twin Towers, Infirmary, Channeling her message through Barbara Walters, Paris Hilton has come clean admitting that she is, in fact, smart. The bimbo exterior she&...
Read full storyHilton jail photo bounty hits $5 million
Cyberspace - (Ass Mess): A celebrity website has offered a bounty of $5 million for the first authenticated picture of Paris Hilton at the Twin Towers jail psychiatric facility.
Read full storyAnn Coulter Wants Paris Hilton Sent To Guantanamo
Today: Off The Wire.. (Some Guy) Ann Coulter wants hotel heiress Paris Hilton sent to Camp Delta, Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. "She's a goddamn terrorist." Coulter was reported as saying. "Terrifying the Great American People by acting l...
Read full storyScarecrow Loses Brain Again
EMERALD CITY, OZ (AP Newsliar) -- Scarecrow has misplaced his brain again, the third time he's done so since making his epic journey to see the Wizard of Oz. Scarecrow's "brain", actually a diploma declaring him a "Doctor of Thinkology", was besto...
Read full storyWesley Snipes Said Tax Charges Against Him Racially Motivated
Actor Wesley Snipes said that tax charges against him for failure to file any return for six consecutive years are racially motivated.
Read full storyParis Hilton Gets Religion, Says She is Saved While in Prison
Paris Hilton says that she has found religion and been saved while serving in a California prison. The socialite told Barbara Walters in a telephone interview that she has made Jesus her personal saviour and is ready to change her life.
Read full storyWoman held for subliminal harassment
(Seattle, WA) Attorneys at the Federal Courthouse thought they were going nuts hearing a sultry "'Scuse me" with no one around on their way into the building. Several began taking medication.
Read full storyBush Makes Papal Faux Pas
President Bush drew gasps at the Vatican on Saturday by referring to Pope Benedict XVI as "Mr. Pope" instead of the expected "His Holiness," according to reporters.
Read full storyEfforts to stop Prince Harry leaving the army "will include shooting at him"
Army officials have revealed that, in a last-ditch attempt to fulfil Prince Harry's expectations of serving in a war zone, they are considering shooting at him and even "blowing him up a bit."...
Read full storyBush Denied Re-Entry to US
In an ironic turn of events US President G. W. Bush has been denied re-entry to the US. This apparent snafu a result of Mr. Bush not having his Passport with him on Air Force 1, nor having any paperwork showing that he has applied for a passport whi...
Read full storyParis Hilton scared of going to the toilet in prison
Socialite and TV star, Paris Hilton, has admitted that she is terrified of going to the bathroom whilst in prison. The teary-eyed society girl said that in normal circumstances she "has a woman in" to do "all that nasty business"...
Read full storyCollege Senior breaks up with Jesus
NORFOLK, Va. - For nearly seven months, Old Dominion University senior Mary O'Brien kept silent about the end of the only relationship she'd ever had. Despite her parents' coaxing and roommates' encouragement to speak, the psychology...
Read full storyScientist: pregnancy only found in women
NORFOLK. Va. - A 10-year study on human sexuality and reproduction showed that in the human species, 100 percent of those who get pregnant are women, while the percentage of pregnant men remains at zero, scientists from the National Organization for...
Read full storySoprano's Writer Chase Sues Massage Parlor Over Happy Ending
A frustrated Soprano's creator David Chase is suing a Flatbush Massage Parlor because he did not receive the happy ending he was promised.
Read full storyBeckham in training for five thousand mile free-kick, say L.A Galaxy
David Beckham is in training to produce the world's first trans-atlantic free-kick, according to sources at his new club L.A Galaxy, thus removing the need for him to travel to Europe to represent his country.
Read full storyBAA Revamp their Image
Aviation monopoly Big Airports Authority who own most of the UK's major airports have announced a name change and a new security process. In order to re-classify the company to reflect its core trading activity it will now be called "BASC&qu...
Read full storyAtlanta Falcons Quarterback Michael Vick Admits Staging Bum Fights
SURRY, Va. -- Federal law enforcement officials serving a search warrant at Michael Vick's home investigating dog fighting allegations came up empty handed today. State police had assisted investigators from the U.S. Department of Agriculture and the…
Read full storyDoctors divided on Hilton electroconvulsive therapy program
Twin Towers, Los Angeles - (Ass Mess): Psychiatrists and medical staff at the Twin Towers medical facility are reported to be close to a decision on recommending that jailed socialite Paris Hilton undergoes a series of electroconvulsive therapy treat...
Read full storyRev Pat Robertson will minister to Paris
Los Angeles - (Ass Mess): Jailed socialite Paris Hilton has finally turned to God and asked for the Reverend Pat Robertson to help redeem her immortal ravaged soul, public image and over-exposed brazilian'd genitalia.
Read full storyBig Brother George Galloway Hurt In Attack At Glasgow Airport
Respect MP George Galloway has made allegations to police that he was manhandled by ruffians in a sectarian attack at Glasgow Airport on Sunday.
Read full storySchwarzeneggar Activates National Guard as Paris Hilton Crisis Escalates
Governor Arnold Schwarzeneggar has just announced that he has ordered a unit of the California National Guard activated immediately to secure the Los Angeles County Jail and prevent the interference of any "outside entities" in the ongoing...
Read full storyU.S. Attorney General Seeks Custody of Paris Hilton, Intends to Confine Her at Gitmo
Embattled Attorney General Alberto Gonzales has interjected himself into the midst of the Paris Hilton crisis, an ongoing saga which, it seems, unfortunately will not go away.
Read full storyLieberman Backs US Attacks on Iran
WASHINGTON (FMLiveWire) - US Senator Joe Lieberman, who strongly supports the illegal war in Iraq, said Monday that the US should launch cross-border attacks into Iran to support Israel's ongoing theft of Arab land.
Read full storyWest Indies Batter England For Unlikely Win
In an astonishing final morning of cricket in the Third Test at Old Trafford, the West Indies, resuming on their overnight total of 301 for 5, demolished England's bowlers with a fantastic display of big...
Read full storyParis Hilton Grants Barbara Walters Exclusive Interview, Airs Today
Twin Towers Correctional Facility - After asking the media to focus on important issues like our fighting men and women in Iraq, Paris Hilton did a total 180 and granted Barbara Walters an exclusive interview Sunday afternoon.
Read full storyIsaiah Washington to Star in Gay's Anatomy
ABC announced this morning that Isaiah Washington's popular character Dr. Preston Burke would be spun off into his own show, a midseason replacement, to be called "Gay's Anatomy."...
Read full storyDemocrats Plan To Disband If Republicans Win in '08
Democratic leaders released a statement today stating that if they should lose the presidential election in 2008, they will break up the party and move into other lines of work.
Read full storySony In Bother With Queen Over New Game
Sony Entertainment is in the limelight for all the wrong reasons again this week, this time upsetting Her Majesty the Queen and other token Royals at Buckingham Palace.
Read full storyBush Relocates White House
In a surprise move today, White House Spokesmen announced that President George Bush had decided to relocate the White House and its staff to Albania.
Read full storyJack Kevorkian rolls out his anti-suicide car bomber intervention crisis team
Baghdad, Iraq - Adding an extension to his suicide prevention hotline for depressed suicide car bombers in the Middle East and Iraq for his part against the war on...
Read full storyBubka gets "bubkis" as summer movie season heats up
HOLLYWOOD - The true life story of retired Ukrainian pole vaulter, Sergei Bubka, will be featured in a new film by Lionsgate.
Read full storyThere Are People Who Do Not Love Their Fellow Man And I HATE People Like That
June 10th, 2007 - Why did Tom Lehrer have to retire so young? What happened to National Brotherhood Week? Sheriff Clark just died ("Lena Horne and Sheriff Clarke are dancing cheek to cheek, It's fun to eulogize, people you despise, it's only for a week so have no fear, be grateful that it doesn't last all year!").
Read full storyParis Hilton Issues Press Release Requesting No Press Releases?
Paris Hilton, the illusive, hermit like heiress to the Hilton fortune, doesn't understand, much like the rest of the world, why all the media attention over pretty much nothing. A tempest in a teacup if you will.
Read full storyBush Causes Uproar at Vatican
VATICAN CITY (FMLiveWire) - President George Bush caused an uproar at the Vatican during a brief meeting with Pope Benedict XVI after disrupting G8 unity in Germany.
Read full storyHoward Stern offers Rosie O'Donnell Artie Lange's Coveted Position
Shock waves rippled through the Howard Stern community today as the much-anticipated announcement was made in regards to the replacement for Artie Lange.
Read full storyThis Just In: Cleveland Has Exclusive Clubs
CLEVELAND, OH - I know. I couldn't believe it myself. I just saw a report on both Channel 3 and Action News this week regarding Cleveland's finest and exclusive hotspots for the celebs and big wigs. Yeah right, right? Well, it's right; oh baby is it right! And it's hoooooot! It's a mixture of a lukewarm and caffeine-free diet Cheerwine.
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