Jack Kevorkian rolls out his anti-suicide car bomber intervention crisis team

Funny story written by Robert W. Armijo

Monday, 11 June 2007

image for Jack Kevorkian rolls out his anti-suicide car bomber intervention crisis team
Kevorkian's anti-suicide car bomber intervention crisis team rolls out for the last time?

Baghdad, Iraq - Adding an extension to his suicide prevention hotline for depressed suicide car bombers in the Middle East and Iraq for his part against the war on terrorism, Dr. Kevorkian has created an anti-suicide car bomber intervention crisis team that would actively seek out suicide car bombers in the field, stopping them before they blow themselves up.

The all-voluntary team will be strategically positioned throughout key areas of the Middle East and Iraq and remain on 24/7 standby not only to respond, but on will remain on active patrol as well.

How It Works

The Kevorkian Suicide Maneuver, an unfortunate choice of words, requires the anti-suicide car bomber intervention crisis team members to use the same isometric warfare tactics the enemy uses against us.

The distraught suicide car bomber is first identified, isolated and then his vehicle is rammed by the anti-suicide car bomber intervention crisis team member's vehicle in hot pursuit until it is pushed safely off to the side of the road.

Assuming the suicide car bomber has not exploded or self-detonated by then, the team swoops in on the distraught and now dazed victim dragging him out of the car and immediately immersed in series of non-stop group hugs.

Again, assuming the distraught dazed victim and now physically assaulted with outward expressions of pure raw human emotions, he is then subjected to unending positive affirmations, while the military disposes of the car bomb and arrests him.

Team Makeup

Made-up of entirely of former members of the assisted suicide movement lead by Dr. Kevorkian, all turned state evidence against him, the anti-suicide car bomber intervention crisis team members now support his latest his endeavor with their lives.

"All is forgiven now," said Dr, Kevorkian. "In fact, I thank them for showing me the errors of my ways and remaking me into the man I am today."

Dr. Kevorkian has personally trained each of the anti-suicide car bomber intervention crisis team members as well, taking a personal interest in their physical welfare and metal well-being.

"He is amazing he really has changed and he has taken such a personal interest in each one and everyone of us," confirmed a Dr. Kevorkian supporter, Kate Jones, turned state witness against him. "I haven't seen him adorn this much lavish attention on anyone, not since. Not since he helped assist in the last suicide, the one that got him put in jail."

What's the Military Think?

Although his tactics are considered unorthodox, he has gotten the green light to try it by military authorities. "It goes against all conventional wisdom, or actions taken by any rational sane being, but at this point, frankly, we're willing to give anything a try," said a spokesman for the military.

"I realize my tactics are unconventional," said Dr. Kevorkian, addressing critics and nay Sayers. "But we are fighting an unconventional war, calling for unconventional tactics."

Final Thoughts?

'It's so exciting," said Jones. "For so many years I only saw suicide from the One-dimensional existance perspective of a person thinking they needed to die solely because they thought they wanted it, regardless of the impact on society, or their loved ones, the Multi-dimensional existance perspective. Now I see it from the other side of the coin and finally realize that at any minute anyone one of us could die. Every moment of life is precious, even the bad ones."

"Ah, yeah. That goes double for me," said Dr. Kevorkian.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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