Embattled Attorney General Alberto Gonzales has interjected himself into the midst of the Paris Hilton crisis, an ongoing saga which, it seems, unfortunately will not go away.
The Attorney General, in an impromptu press conference which concluded just a few minutes ago, called President Bush's pardon of Paris Hilton "criminal" and said that he intends to take Ms. Hilton into the custody of the Justice Department, wherein she will subsequently be designated an 'enemy combatant' and transferred to the United States naval base at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. The AG said that he plans to dispatch federal agents to Los Angeles immediately to seize the hotel heiress.
"She's an enemy combatant alright", Gonzales said. "She's this trashy slut that a lot of our young people look up to and want to emulate. In my mind, that makes her just about as dangerous, possibly more so, than any Middle Eastern terrorist."