Twin Towers, Infirmary, Channeling her message through Barbara Walters, Paris Hilton has come clean admitting that she is, in fact, smart. The bimbo exterior she's been exposing for so long publicly has been nothing short of an illusionary sham.
Writers at The Spoof have repeatedly reported that Hilton is a mad scientist genus, manipulating the media for the ultimate purpose of evil.
"I'm not the same person I was. I used to act dumb. It was an act. I am 26 years old, and that act is no longer cute. "Now, I would like to make a difference. God has given me this new chance." Paris Hilton.
Just to prove how smart she is, Paris decided to use the word act three times in two sentences. Not just smart but a biological thesaurus and master linguist to boot.
It's only taken her 7 days incarceration to find God. Most jail house, religious epiphanies take inmates years to attain. Paris has found clarity in God in one short week, illustrating her sponge like learning abilities.
Not only has Paris found God in the can but her chartable side has been exposed as well. She's saying she wants to work for one of the breast cancer charities, which her grandmother battled, or Multiple Sclerosis, which her father's mother suffered from. She also said she'd like to start her own foundation, maybe something like, Bimobos Be Gone. that steers young Bimbetts in the right direction in life.
Paris has even gone as far as not looking in a mirror since her re incarceration, saying looks really don't matter, it's what's inside that counts.
Paris has the chance to really go big, starting with the profits from the estimated $500,000 jail picture, 1 million dollar price on the jail journal, the 2 million dollar film rights and the 10 million in personal appearances and any other ancillary jail windfalls. Together a start up charity could launch with 13.5 million just form Paris's jail fallout.
Will Paris maintain her new found clarity stance once released? Only time will tell.
A Buck E. Prediction, Paris will get out, chill for a week, then as the jail scum washes off, It'll be back to business as usual.
From the desk of
Buck E Filbert