Bush Causes Uproar at Vatican

Funny story written by Felix Minderbinder

Monday, 11 June 2007

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Bush flees The Vatican

VATICAN CITY (FMLiveWire) - President George Bush caused an uproar at the Vatican during a brief meeting with Pope Benedict XVI after disrupting G8 unity in Germany.

Bush requested that the Pontiff absolve him of his sins for causing the slaughter of hundreds of thousands of people in his oil wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Visibly drunk, Bush continued to sip from a bottle of Jack Daniels as he sought forgiveness from The Holy See in his first papal audience.

Before he gave his blessing however, the Pope asked Bush what luck he had had freeing the Holy Land and retaking Jerusalem from the Mohammadians and the Jews. Bush retorted that he took his orders from AIPAC and Israel.

When the Pope refused a blessing, Bush threatened to "bomb the hell" out of the Vatican.

The Pope then shrieked "He serves the Dark One!" and attempted to exorcise Bush, who screamed when Holy Water was sprinkled upon him. Bush then fled the Pope's office pursued by Swiss Guards while the Pontiff intoned the Roman Ritual.

Bush ran across St. Peter's Square scattering terrified pilgrims as he attempted to call in a First Strike, but he could not remember the nuclear arming codes.

The main boulevard leading to St. Peter's Basilica and the Vatican were quickly cordoned off by battalions of carabinieri in riot gear who battled White House Secret Service agents.

Inside the Vatican, Benedict then spoke out against the war in Iraq, saying that "nothing positive comes from Bush's slaughter of the civil population of Iraq in order to grab oil for Exxon Mobil."

"We didn't talk about a 'just' war," Bush said at a brief news conference in Rome later after he had sobered up.

He professed himself to be "in awe" of the new pope after their 13 minute meeting.

"That guy has big cojones and lotsa mojo compared to the Prince of Darkness who I normally obey," said Bush.

The Pope later condemned Bush's absence of morality and religious concerns, as well as his dismissal of human rights and religious issues in his quest for oil.

Carabinieri continued to roam the streets of Rome beating religious pilgrims who had witnessed the fiasco.

While Italy is withdrawing its troops from the illegal and immoral Iraq war, it still is supporting NATO butchery in Afghanistan.

Bush went on to thank allies such as Poland, the Czech Republic, Albania and Bulgaria for their brainless support of US imperialism and for continuing to buy US weapons.

--Copyright Feleix Minderbinder Live Wire

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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