Angry Neighbors behind Man's Dancing
Angry Neighbors are the only symptoms 23 year old James Duncan of Miami Beach Florida feels whilst practicing what he calls 'EllieDancing'.
Read full storyTrES-4 Exoplanet Will Be Moved Into Solar System
Cape Canaveral, Florida (IP) - Giant exoplanet TrES-4 which is 1.7 times the size of Jupiter and has the density of balsa wood will be brought into the inner solar system next week.
Read full storyChief Veterniary Officer Debby Reynolds "was just singin' in the rain"
Pirbright Laboratories, Slurry - (Ass mess): The Government's Chief Veterinary Officer Debby Reynolds has admitted on national TV news that she was caught on the hop by a warning from The Spoof! on 26 July this year that the UK floods would sprea...
Read full storyUS Loses 190, 000 Weapons In Minutes
The US military has mislaid over 190, 000 weapons in Iraq in the time in takes the sun to slip beneath the hazy Iraqi horizon.
Read full storyLetters show Diana was dumped by doctor lover over heroin addiction
London -- (Ass Mess & ReUterus): Private letters between Diana, Princess of Wales and her sometime lover Dr Hasnat Khan have been purchased at auction by the News of the Screws newspaper editors and threaten to blow the lid off the hapless P...
Read full storyClinton Finootch Ticket Will Sweep Democratic Convention
New York, New York (IP) - Now that all of the Democratic competition challenging Hillary Clinton has decided to give up the race it appears that the 2008 Democratic candidates will be Hillary Clinton and Nobel Peace Prize winner Mr. Finootch.
Read full storyBank robbery filmed on CCTV - Portugese police stumped
A 35 year old man was filmed robbing a bank in the Portuguese town of Praia da Luz by CCTV cameras.
Read full storyPat Robertson blames fundamentalist Mormons for Utah earthquake and mining disaster
Huntington, Utah - (Ass Mess): The Reverend Pat Robertson has been quick to attribute God's wrath on 'perverted fundamentalist Mormon felons such as Warren Jeffs' for today's Utah earthquake which is believed to have triggered a mine...
Read full storyDisney sues The Simpsons Movie
With an impressive $74M opening weekend, the long-awaited Simpsons movie is being hailed as the best animated feature film in history. But lawyers for Walt Disney Productions have filed a defamation lawsuit against 20th Century Fox.
Read full storyMuppets, Ewoks Brawl at Henson Productions Reunion
LOS ANGELES -- A reunion organized to celebrate the life of the late Jim Henson was marred by a vicious brawl between the Muppets and their chief rivals, the Ewoks.
Read full storyFillis hits back: "I am not Pete Doherty"
After putting his sordid past behind him and beginning a new chapter with partner, Jud Charlton, 38, their efforts at serious entertainment in the Cabaret world have a come a cropper since their appearance in Tim Arnold's video of a Pete Doherty...
Read full storyAliens admit 'Earth really is not for us'
There was shock in Texas today, as a family of Aliens admits that Earth really is not for them.
Read full storyNew Jane Austen book - Ecstacy and Emphesema' found
A rare unfinished edition of a Jane Austen novel is to be completed by author Irvine Welsh.
Read full storyPrime Minister Gordon Brown plays down rumours about playing 'Flash Gordon' in life action movie
Taciturn Labour Chancellor of the Exchequer Gordon Brown has denied recent rumours that he has been approached by James Cameron to play the part of never-popular cultural icon Flash Gordon.
Read full storyUnited Airlines Soon Flying Out Of The Red
Predicted soon to be out of the red, United Airlines ticket sales will be skyrocketing due to the new revolutionary book, Changing Plains, which is flying out of amazon.com with so many demands it is threatening to peril the Internet. The immediate r...
Read full storyRon Paul, Vickie Carr, Andy Roddick, & Paris Hilton Have Foursome
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Ron Paul, Vickie Carr, Andy Roddick, & Paris Hilton had a foursome today. They all played tennis at Wimbledon as a fund raiser for the Ron Paul for President 2008 campaign.
Read full storyWarrantless wiretaps extended to Bush family
Washington DC - (Rioters): Congress is looking very pleased with itself after passing a new surveillance law that has been speedily signed by George W Bush allowing the government to continue secretly monitoring the Bushes' phone calls and e-mail...
Read full storyActor Sean Penn Buys Cuba
(Havana) - Hollywood actor and outspoken activist, Sean Penn, today announced he is buying Cuba, the communist island nation 90 miles off the U.S. coast of Florida.
Read full storyTissue sales in Manchester soar due to Gerrard
Today in Manchester sales of man sized tissues has risen by over 500 percent.
Read full storyBounty Bars - Cause of Gun Crime Problem
(Defecated News) - Broken families, lack of a male role model, social deprivation and drugs. For years, criminal sociologists have been trying to find out why some young black men turn to crime. Now, the answer appears to have been found - chocolate.
Read full storyPolicemen To Be Dressed Like Hello Kitty
Policemen who break or bend the rules in Thailand are not exactly in the minority, but from next week, any that are caught will be handed out the biggest punishment any of them could possibly imagine - they will be r...
Read full storyAl Gore - I Will Stop UK's Foot and Mouth Epidemic
LONDON (Defecated News) - In what can only be seen as part of his mission, Al Gore announced yesterday that he was to cure UK animals of Foot and Mouth disease.
Read full storyThe Long Arm of the Law
HOLLYWOOD pretty boy Jude Law last night stunned the entertainment industry by revealing his left arm is a massive TWO inches longer than his right.
Read full storyShock Jock's Wife to Appear in Playboy
Playboy Magazine announced today that an upcoming issue would include a multi-photo shoot featuring Dierdre Imus, wife of one-time radio host Don Imus. The photo shoot will take place at or around the Imus Ranch in New Mexico, a Playboy source repor...
Read full storyBlack and Decker to Drill Screws
EMBATTLED security company Group Four last night sensationally revealed they have recruited washed-up singers Cilla Black and Carol Decker to drum some discipline into their shambolic prison warders.
Read full storyAl Qaeda's Big Balls
New Yoik (WKRPJFK) - They fly into buildings, blow up trains and buses, and don't shower. Al Qaeda have used numerous 'evil bastard' methods to create misery for us evil western 'heathen bastards'. Now, it would appear, they have...
Read full storyThe Krays Back in the East End?
LONDON (Defecated News) - They were iconic and charismatic, yet also instilled fear into the hearts of millions. They controlled gangs and sold illegal toothpaste. Now, decades after the decline of their glorious criminal empire, the Krays appear to...
Read full storyParty Panders for Pushing Panties
A group, who is tired of seeing things they wish they had not, is pushing the use plain white briefs.
Read full storyNew Ugly Dog Winner
After another yearly competition to disgrace their hairless, saggy tongued, discolored, wrinkled Chinese crested dogs, fans of uglyness are pleased to announce the new winner of the Ugly Dog Contest. Luci is a 15 year old Chinese crested/Tasmanian d...
Read full storyPublic Restrooms Not What They Used to Be
Everyone knows politics affects many areas of our lives including our most private moments. Now several states are considering budget cuts that will limit "convinces" along highways and travelers may have to potty in public.
Read full storyCat Accidentally Eats Wrong Mouse
Muffin the cat is resting comfortably after being released from the local animal hospital. Muffin suffered through an emergency surgery Saturday to remove his dinner, a computer mouse.
Read full storyMonkeys Given New Legal Rights
After determining that monkeys and humans share over 98% of their DNA, people have begun to wonder what rights near-Humanoid species should be legally entitled to. Now the California state legislature has deemed some monkey species to be elligible f...
Read full storyBush Secret Leader of Turkey Worship Cult
George Bush, leader of the free world, has been exposed as the leader of a freak turkey worshipping cult. Followers of course abstain from turkey flesh, bow in the presence of a turkey and call Bush "The Grand Gobbler."...
Read full storyAliens Drop Crop Circles, Start Striping Streets
It seems the aliens responsible for the famous crop circles of the past have updated their methods to reflect the increasing urbanization of the world population. Anywhere there is pavement, chances are it has been "street striped."...
Read full storyStork Service Makes New Kind of Delivery
After centuries of delivering babies Stork Inc. has decided to call it quits. "We just can't stay in the baby business any longer," says spokesbird Sam Stork, "Hopefully the new product will be more profitable."...
Read full storyScientists Succeed at Suppressing Sun's Shine
Solar scientists succeeded Saturday at squelching some of the solar rays scorching our skies.
Read full storyMourinho Happy To Offload Robben After Community Shield Penalty Debacle
Chelsea manager Jose Moaninho has finally given the green light to the transfer of Dutch whinger Arjen Robbing to Real Madrid or whoever else will have him, after yesterday's Community Shield deb...
Read full storyGatting in midnight raid
Ex England cricket captain Mike Gatting was spotted on a late night raid to the centre of the pitch at Trent Bridge last night.
Read full storyHell Bound Train Derails
Hell's Gap, Wyoming (IP) - Hell bound train Hades 6-500 derailed today as it sped wildly south bound through snow covered terrain in northern Wyoming. It was a fortuitous turn of events for passengers aboard the sweltering hot and crowded confin...
Read full storyCheney: No Money Available to Repair America's Bridges
Following this week's staggering bridge collapse in Minneapolis, Federal Officials acknowledged that 70,000 other bridges in the US are "structurally deficient", and are likely to result in similar disasters. However, on Friday, Dick C...
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