Signs of Safety in National Parks
"Safety First" is getting more complicated than ever. The number of law suits has sky-rocketed as the American public stumbled upon more unusual, unpredictable and generally brainless ways to cause themselves bodily injury. As a result national park...
Read full story'The Blob' Creature is Real
If the old sci-fi movie The Blob didn't scare you, think again. Newly released photos show the blob was real. Documents found with the pictures prove it was one of three alien creatures who spent thousands of years frozen, traveling through dee...
Read full storyIllegally Parked Shuttle Impounded: Will be Auctioned on E-Bay
It seems another drunken astronaut has N.A.S.A. in the headlines after leaving a shuttle in a no parking zone. The shuttle,Kegger, was impounded by Florida state troupers who towed it away from The Starry Night Bar.
Read full storyBritney refuses duet with Justin; says she won't sing his Emmy nominated song, 'Junk in a Box'; critics call her decision career suicide
Hollywood, California - After taking a week off his busy career to help revive hers, former girlfriend, Britney, stood up Justin Timberlake by refusing to fly out to his Virginia Beach studio to record a duet with her former beau. According to Britne...
Read full storyEx-BP CEO Browne "a bigger liar" that any Corrupt Bastards Club member
London - (Ass Mess): Law Lords at the UK's House of Lords today challened Alaska's Corrupt Bastards Club to produce a home-grown hydrocarbons industry asshole "of the equivalent stature of mendacity, deviousness, depravity, trea...
Read full storyHenman A True Brit - He Never Won Shit
WIM-BALL-DONE (Defecated News) Tennis Ace-Superstar Megatalented-Grimlooking-Bloke-Who-Never-Won-Much-Really Tim Henman has announce his retirement from the sport he nearly excelled in. The shock announcement at what many have dubbed the '...
Read full storyMonkey Nutz to headline at Reading Festival
Reading, Berks - (Ass Mess): Camden Lock's very own Monkey Nutz band will headline Friday's opening session of the Reading Festival after Amy Doghouse pulled out at the last minute suffering from an inexplicable bout of sobriety, men...
Read full story'NickFun' -- a Funky Orchid among Men? Feds Think So.
US and A (Get the Funk Out) - Irregular Spoof! contributor 'NickFun', whose name happens to be an anagram for the seventies funk/jazz-funk/soul-jazz group "Funk Inc." (and is therefore believed to be the pen name of the band's c...
Read full storyFederal Reserve: "We can't continue propping up Deutsche Bank"
New York - (Rioters) Federal Reserve officials clamped down on press claims today that they are propping up beleagured German financial institution Deutsche Bank whose Lower Manhattan branch is being demolished following damage sustained in the 9/11...
Read full storyIsrael To Buy Iraq
(Washington) - In an effort to get rid of the Iraq problem before the 2008 election the Bush administration today announced it has agreed to sell Iraq to Israel, for the sum of one million shekels ($240,000).
Read full storyUFO Exclusive - Alien Abductions & Photographic Evidence!
Roswell, Yorkshire, UK (Defecated News) - Photographic evidence has been presented to the International Spaceman Club for verification. The photos, it is claimed, are proof beyond any doubt th...
Read full storyVick Under Investigation for Infant Fighting
Atlanta, Georgia (IP) Beleaugered Atlanta Falcon quarterback What'shisname Vick is facing new charges that he was involved in the cruel and violent sport of infant fighting. The sport involves taking the formula bottle away from infants and plac...
Read full storyRussian Submarine Carrying 5 Tons of Coke Seized off Guatemala
Mexico City - (Ass Mess): The latest victim of Hurricane Dean appears to be a Russian Navy sub carrying five tons of cocaine which became beached off the Guatemalan coast after violent tidal activity forced it off course.
Read full storyCruise Ship Rescued by Fisherman
San Juan, Puerto Rico (IP) - The cruise ship Cylone Seas was rescued by a fisherman who often fishes inside the eye of hurricanes. The Cruise ship specializes in trips through hurricanes. One of the main draws of the cruises is a new sport where fo...
Read full storyHurricane Kept Afloat by Surprising Mechanism
National Hurricane Center, Homestead, Florida (IP) - Scientists have long known that hurricanes can not swim and just recently discovered how hurricanes are kept afloat.
Read full storyMcLaren hires sports hypnotist after England 1-2 thrashing
Wembley Stadium - (Ass Mess): England football coach Steve McLaren has hired a sports hypnotist in the wake of the side s 1-2 drubbing to Germany yesterday.
Read full storyUnited States Turned Down for Credit Card
Washington DC (IP) - Our Washington reporter-on-the-scene has just learned that the United States was turned down for a credit card today due to its terrible credit score of negative 247. The U.S. had applied for a Capital Two card with a limit of...
Read full storyBaggy Pants Arrested for Indecency
Atlanta, Georgia (IP) - A pair of baggy pants was arrested today in the city of Atlanta for indecency. The incident happened after a Baptist preacher was walking through a clothing store and noticed that the pant's zipper was down.
Read full storyWashington DC Off Limits to Drug Testing
Washington D.C. (IP) - Washington DC has been declared off limits to the growing practice of drug testing entire cities by macro testing for the contents of drug residues in the cities sewer systems.
Read full storyOnly 2,000 UK prostitutes report causes 2012 London Olympics panic
London - (Ass Mess): Expect a massive surge of foreign 'guest workers' in time for the 2012 London Olympics. That was the stark message from the Department for Culture, Media and Sport today after alarming statistics were released s...
Read full storyDrug Sub Busted - Law of Osmosis Violated
Mexico City, Mexico (IP) - A submarine full of drugs was busted off of the coast of Guatemala today. The drug sub was enroute to the United States and its point of origin was Columbia.
Read full storyDigital protest as Japanese PM receives two fingers in the post
Tokyo, Japan - (Ass Mess): Japanese Prime Monster Shinzo Abe was said to be shocked and dismayed today after receiving what fellow politicians have dubbed "the strongest hint to date" about his administration: a postal package containing t...
Read full storyPalestine Youth Team Apply for Martian Status
The British Government has refused to issue visas for the Palestinian Youth team on the grounds that they are not classified as human beings, with the official reason for refusing the visitors visas on the grounds that the Palestinian urchins were "t...
Read full storyCan We Call Illegal Immigrants Stupid?
Though many U.S. illegal immigrants from Mexico have little or no formal education does that mean they are stupid?...
Read full storyElton John Keeps his opinion to himself
Musical Icon Elton John was today in hiding after keeping his opinion to himself. The usually shy and retiring singer, famed as much for his piano playing as his flower purchasing habits shocked the world by not giving his opinion on a number of thin...
Read full storyHitlers Plans Come into Being
With the shock announcement that both Brian Lara and Jack Kallis are to join Shane Warne as German Citizens, it is clear that the plans for Adolf Hitler to rule the civilized world are coming to fruition.
Read full storyBeauty pageant one contestant short; Ebonics blamed
The Miss Black America beauty pageant reports that only 49 of the 50 states are represented in it. As in every year this pageant has been held, there is no Miss Black Idaho. Pageant coordinator Sleazette Jones blamed this on the contestants' flue...
Read full storyThe Carers Appreciation Society
An interdepartmental memo inadvertently leaked to the press association reveals that top government ministers are urging all Ministers and MP's to join the Carers Appreciation Society. The society has been in existence for some time but due to la...
Read full storySarkozy "touched up"
France, Paris (The Lies) - The French magazine "Paris Match" has been accused of "touching up" Sarkozy, wiping away love handles, warts, pimples and pure ugliness.
Read full storyIndia and Japan take on China, UN called in
Washington D.C. (The Lies) - India and Japan are set to take on China as the world's next super power. Jealousy and envy are rife within the ranks of both parliaments as China records record growth in discount shops.
Read full storyRafa Reveals Goatee Agony
The mystery behind Rafa's goatee beard was revealed to The Spoof today ... and it's possibly CONTAGIOUS.
Read full storySausage Attack Mother Calls For Sterner Punishment For Her Wayward Son
A boy in Manchester who assaulted an old man with a sausage has come in for some scathing criticism from the most unlikely source - his mum.
Read full storyProfile in Courage: Warren Redlich
Guilderland, New York (The Leakonomist) - In a gesture that could spell political suicide, irregular Spoof contributor Warren "I like red Apple Mac's" Redlich has banned all internet use in his office.
Read full storyBush Administration to Rebuild Berlin Wall
BERLIN (East Berliner Gazette) - After careful deliberation the Bush Administration has decided to resurrect the Berlin Wall.
Read full storyInternational Space Station to be made Handicapped Accessible
Under pressure from supporters of the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA), NASA officials announced today that the International Space Station will be outfitted with wider doors, wheelchair ramps and handicapped-enabled restroom facilities.
Read full storyBilderbergers Endorse Ron Paul
The hotel manager for the Ritz-Carlton Hotel in Istanbul, Turkey, today confirmed the discovery of documents indicating that the Bilderberg Group has decided who will be the next President of the United States. The documents were originally found in...
Read full storyCanada and Mexico will Exchange Places
Quebec, Canada (IP) - Canada and Mexico will trade places. All of the Canadians will head south and cross the United States and while they do that the Mexicans will head north and enter Canada.
Read full storyHillary Clinton Names Monica Lewinsky Campaign Chairperson
Hillary Clinton named Monica Lewinsky her new campaign chriaperson in her bid for the Democratic Party nomination for President of the United States. Lewinsky, a former White House Intern and famous for her affair with President Bill Clinton, is con...
Read full storyCuba Sees Psychiatrist Over Castro's Death
La Habana, Cuba (IP) - Our international reporter in Key West, Florida received an anonymous tip that the Island of Cuba went to visit a psychiatrist due to its inability to admit that Maximum Leader for Life and El Presidente of the Permanent and Ev...
Read full storyTexas Rangers Score 30 Runs in MLB Game
The Texas Rangers, one of the teams to have never played in a World Series, became the first ones in over 110 years to score over 30 runs in a game. The Rangers, playing on the road against Baltimore, routed the Orioles by the score of 30 to 3.
Read full storyBollywood Going to Hollywood to Experience Dollywood
New Delhi, India (IP) - Well known Bollywood film producer, Hi-boss Canibehelpingyou, has called our entertainment reporter and advised him that he will be going to Hollywood in order to meet with Dolly Parton.
Read full storyReal Madrid Sign Osama Bin Laden
Real Madrid sent shockwaves through the world of sport last night by unveiling Al-Qaeda leader and renowned enemy of America Osama Bin Laden as their newest recruit in a Summer spending spree which has also seen them sign Christoph 'New York'...
Read full storyAnother Chinese airplane threatens ceremonial suicide to preserve its country's honor; lands safely at Kansai airport without incident
Tokyo, Japan - A second Chinese airplane this week that was unable to face the ridicule and shaming by other airplanes from across the world at International Airports for its county's recent scandal for poison dog food, contaminate fish, lead tai...
Read full storyFifty Pit Bull Dogs Rescued From Michael Vick's House Face Euthanization
Micheal Vick's dogs were seized by the federal authorities after a raid on his home. Now, those 53 dogs face euthanization if no one tries to adopt them.
Read full storyStereo System To Come With Car Attached
Detroit, Michigan (IP) - Delorian Motor Works (DMW) has announced that it is producing a stereo system with a car attached to it as a sort of off-shoot. The price of the new vehicle will start at $27,000 and will be available in silver and black.
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