Another Chinese airplane threatens ceremonial suicide to preserve its country's honor; lands safely at Kansai airport without incident

Funny story written by Robert W. Armijo

Thursday, 23 August 2007

image for Another Chinese airplane threatens ceremonial suicide to preserve its country's honor; lands safely at Kansai airport without incident
Chinese airplane lands safely in Kansai airport in Osaka, Japan

Tokyo, Japan - A second Chinese airplane this week that was unable to face the ridicule and shaming by other airplanes from across the world at International Airports for its county's recent scandal for poison dog food, contaminate fish, lead tainted toys and counterfeit medical products, decided to commit ceremonial suicide, while passengers were still on board. However, crisis intervention team members deployed at airport control towers since Monday's incident were able overt the disaster by talking the plane out of it.

According to survivors aboard Monday's plane, just before it blew up, a mechanical voice came over the public announcement system declaring its intentions to self-destruct. It then instructed them to immediately begin disembarking the plane, using both exists at the front and the rear of the plane in a clam and orderly fashion and then thanked them for choosing China Airlines. The plane then shimmered, shook, buckled and exploded.

"It barely gave us enough time," said one passenger.

Fearing the same fate as Monday's, Chinese officials took immediate action and deployed crisis intervention team members at airport control towers throughout the East. That action paid off today.

"Bursting into flames on the tarmac, it sought to only to preserve the honor of its country," said Mike Ford, an airport traffic controller from Monday's plane explosion. "They are lucky they were able to talk it out of committing suicide and that it didn't slam itself into the side of a mountain or drown itself in the Pacific Ocean, or...blow itself up on the tarmac like it did with me."

Ford had talked many of airplanes out of committing suicide during his 20 years of service, and he has seen this happen sort of thing happen before but usually they were incidents involving terrorists. He was the last to talk to the plane before it blew itself up Monday and feels he failed at his job in not being able to detect anything wrong with the plane at the time.

"I thought I had that one figured out, man," said Ford with regret in his voice. "But I guess its true what they say about the quite ones."

Chinese airline officials said that they thought just one sacrifice would not be enough and that more airplanes would do the same, it looks like they were right.

"Their maybe more planes still out there like that, that are so filled with shame that they would foolishly attempt ceremonial suicide to unnecessarily redeem our country's honor," said A Chinese official. "So we took additional safety precautions."

The Chinese official went on to say, that there was no need for apology because no face has been lost with China in the world. That it had done nothing wrong. That all fault rests with a few corrupt capitalist businessmen who tried to cut corners to make a buck.

"The Chinese government is your best friend," continued the Chinese official. "We put to death anyone we find hurting people for not doing business right. What does your government do to protect you?"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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