Bush Administration claims: flooding in England not global warming; merely glaciers attempting to illegally immigrate
London, England - Bush administration officials finally released a comment regarding the massive flooding in central England this summer, blaming it not on the increasing signs all pointing to global warming but glaciers attempting to illegally immig...
Read full storyWashington State brags "We're Number One in serial murders!"
Washington State, northwesternmost of the 48 contiguous United States, had seen better days. Its flagship company, Boeing Aircraft, had moved its headquarters to Chicago. Its sports teams had won only one national championship, and that one 28 years...
Read full storyWinner Announced for America's Got Talent
The voting is over, all the ballots have been counted, and a winner has been selected for the 2007 season of America's got talent. Show judge, actor, and singer David Hasselhoff revealed the results at a publicity party in Los Angeles before the...
Read full storyKrusty Burger to offer 50 cent steaks
"Buy them fresh from the truck, fast frozen or cooked to perfection, our steaks are 100% cruelty free," said spokesman Herschel Schmoikel Krustofski.
Read full storyHollywood Celebrates Hayden Panettierre On Her 18th Birthday and Entry Into Skankdom
Hayden Panettierre, the young cheerleader from the cast of Heroes, turns eighteen years old this week. For her official entry into the world of Hollywood sleaze, other media personalities are throwing her a "skanking out" party. Each of several fam...
Read full storyCollege Football Preseason Top 25 Announced
The AP has released their preseason top 25, rating all of the best football teams before a ball has been snapped. This year, as should be no surprise, USC, Ohio State, Texas, Michigan, Florida, Oklahoma, Georgia, Tennessee, Penn State, Auburn, Flori...
Read full storyDaily Fascist's Kate Middleton stories "loadaoldbollox" - royal cops
Clarence House - (Ass Mess & ReUterus): Royal Protections Racket cops have slammed reports in the UK's daftass Daily Fascist tabloid rag claiming that Kate Middleton is to get the keys to Clarence House - the London home of the Pretender...
Read full storyDubai Scuba School Opens
City of Dubai: His Majesty, Sheikh Rashid bin Saeed Al Maktoum, The Ruler of Dubai, opened the new multi-million dollar Scuba School of Dubai, to all the fanfare and celebration normally associated with the opening of a new Palace.
Read full storyCountrywide Bank sponsors surprise 5K marathon for its customers; denies a run on its deposits
New York, New York - A spokesman for Countrywide Bank denied last Friday's line of customers outside its branch offices, withdrawing their deposits, was a run on their bank, but rather a 5K marathon they forgot to announce it was sponsoring to ke...
Read full storyDisgraced ex-spook Shayler slams Pat Robertson's Hurricane Dean claims
Barking Kabbalah Center, London - (Rabid Bonkers Press): Disgraced ex-spook David Shayler has hotly refuted claims that the Reverend Pat Robertson is personally responsible for directing the course of Hurricane Dean, as reported by The Spoof'...
Read full storyAlaska congressman Don Young investigated over collapsed Minneapolis I-35 bridge construction
Washington DC - (Ass Mess): Alaska's Representative Don Young, who is under investigation for taking campaign $$$s in return for securing $10 million for construction of a proposed Florida highway ramp, is also being probed by FBI sources about t...
Read full storyEdward VIII returns from dead, demands Crown back
The U.K. was thrown into something of a tizzy today by the unexpected return of King Edward VIII from the grave. To make matters even more bothersome, His Late Majesty demanded to be reinstalled on the Throne as King.
Read full story"Us Weekly" Will Now Contain Only Pop-Up Pictures
In an effort to outdo its competition in the fashion-centric, highly visual world of entertainment news, "Us Weekly" magazine will now contain only large, cardboard, pop-up pictures of celebrities, and will contain no text whatsoever. The...
Read full storyRon Paul Sweeps Alabama and New Hampshire Polls in Upset Wins
TUSCALOOSA (FMLiveWire) -- Congressman Ron Paul has just swept two straw polls, and won the West Alabama Republican Assembly 2007 Presidential Preference Straw Poll on August 18 with 81% of the votes.
Read full storyGay/Lesbian group pleads with Britney: Get back into the Closet or stay a Breeder, please!
Hollywood, California - With the recent rumored sexual romp with her assistant, Shannon Funk, Britney is now facing allegations regarding her sexual reorientation, which has a Gay/Lesbian group pleading with her to go back into the 'closet' o...
Read full storyPeter Fox held for murder
(Hollywood, CA) Peter Fox, co-star on the popular FoxTrot Sunday comic strip, is being held on $1 million bond in the death of younger brother Jason.
Read full storyDear Shreddies; an Angry Letter.
Am I the only one outraged at Shreddies latest advertising display?...
Read full storyThe Latest in Wireless Technology
We had the cordless phone. Then we had the wireless bra. Then came Blue-Tooth technology. Then it was wireless internet. Now it's the wireless parachute!...
Read full storyJenna Bush Provides Successful Distraction From Melting Artic Ice Caps
August 18, 2007 - In a final masterstroke of genius, outgoing puppet master and Republican dark lord, Karl Rove, orchestrated the engagement of Jenna Bush and Henry Hager.
Read full storyLord Deedes: a personal tribute to the writer, drinker and stinker
London - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): From queen mudder's personal diaries 1963-2001...
Read full storyPetraeus suspected of dumping missile in Florida's gun amnesty
Orlando, Florida - (Rioters): General David H Petraeus, commander of the Multi-National Force in Iraq, is the prime suspect in the dumping of a surface-to-air missile launcher at gun amnesty in the city of Orlando.
Read full storyBlair recruits JK Rowling to ghostwrite official memoir
London - (Ass Mess): Ex-UK Prime Monster Tony Blair has turned to literary thief, plagiarist and serial fraudster JK Rowling to help ghostwrite his autobiography after Downing Street source material diaries were barred from release by the Metropolita...
Read full storyJ.K. Rowling Sued By Harry Potter Actors For Breach of Contract
Actors Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, and Emma Watson have sued writer J.K. Rowling for breach of contract. The three, stars of the five Harry Potter movies, claim that their acting careers will likely end in two or three years after the last book...
Read full storyJ.K. Rowling Working on Writing New Novel
J.K. Rowling, author of the highly successful Harry Potter series, has begun writing her first non-Harry novel. She has been spotted working on the manuscript in Edinburgh cafes and libraries. Rowling, who has dominated the best seller lists and is...
Read full storyStatues cause protests in London
Protests have been held in London to campaign against a series of statues of Gordon Brown's head which have been put up around London as part of a PR campaign to make the "Not the dour Scotsman" more widely accepted.
Read full storyBBC2's "Hyperdrive" so funny - causes viewer's head to explode
There have been calls from viewers' groups to ban BBC2's sci-fi series "Hyperdrive" because it is "too funny". As a result of such extreme japery, some viewers have experienced accidents. One man l...
Read full storyKevin Rudd visits strip club, polls soar
Australia, Sydney (The Lies) - Leader of the opposition Kevin Rudd has admitted to visiting "Scores" of strip clubs throughout his visits to the United States of America. A Opposition of Foreign Affairs spokesman at the time, he has reporte...
Read full storyCIA and Vatican take on Wikipedia
Washington D.C. (The Lies) - Reports from our uber hacker nerds have stated that the CIA and the Vatican have, for the past five years, tried to take out the world's biggest encyclopedia, Wikipedia.
Read full storyHells Angel murder solved by group of kids and talking dog
What has come to be known as the infamous "Hells Angels Ghost Killer case" has finally been solved, to the relief of police and other Hells Angels.
Read full story"Edward is straight" claims Sunday newspaper.
In an interview due to be published in The Sunday Times tomorrow, Gay Prince Edward makes a confession that will stun his family, the theatre world, his long term lover Steve Richardson but most of all his wife, the ridiculously horny Sophie Rhys-Jon...
Read full storyJimmy Connors To Be Implanted In Andy Roddick's Head
New York, NY - In a last ditch effort to help Andy Roddick improve his game, Jimmy Connors was today shrunk to microscopic size and implanted in Andy's head. He will spend most of his time in the lens of Roddick's right eye, with a wireless m...
Read full storyNew Group To Promote Rights of Drug-Gun Owners
In a joint press release earlier this week, the American Pharmaceutical Association (APhA) and the American Psychiatirc Association (APA) announced that they are joining forces to create a new group to advance the interests of psychiatrists who want...
Read full storyNaked Britney Spears Says It Was Only Skinnydipping, Not Lesbian Sex
Britney Spears, accused of being a lesbian by OK! Magazine, says that she was only skinnydipping in a pool with a former female assistant. "Yeah," said the Pop tart. "we was both naked in the water. She only had her arms around me cuz we was in the...
Read full story"Paper, Scissors, Stone" started Iraqi War admits Blair.
In a story that will shake the very foundations of Western Democracy, ex British Prime Minister, Tony Blair admitted that the decision to go to war with Iraq was based on a simple game of "Paper, Scissors, Stone".
Read full storyDuracell Announces New Battery for Sex Toys
Duracell, a Procter and Gamble subsidiary, announced Monday that it has developed a new battery technology. The company has been a leader in Lithium Manganese Dioxide batteries, and the new battery builds on that chemistry. The tech...
Read full storyBoffin feels a right tit
US research boffin, Dr Derek Lambeth, has just received US$3 Million US government funding to carry out research into breasts.
Read full storyDoes Laura take it up the Guantanamo Bay?
Beautiful Laura Bush, until now the embodiment of grace and 1920's femininity, today rocked the American establishment by inadvertently suggesting that she indulges in 'Chocolate Tunnel Sex ' with half wit hubbie, George.
Read full storyBritney Spears "Outed" by Magazine Claiming She's A Lesbian
Pop tart Britney Spears has been outed by a recent Hollywood magazine that claims the singer/former mousketeer/troubled divorcee is gay. The magazine shows a cover picture of a topless Britney in a swimming pool with another woman hugging her around...
Read full story