Written by Jalapenoman

Sunday, 19 August 2007

image for College Football Preseason Top 25 Announced
It's time once again for Keith Jackson to yell "Whoa Nellie!"

The AP has released their preseason top 25, rating all of the best football teams before a ball has been snapped. This year, as should be no surprise, USC, Ohio State, Texas, Michigan, Florida, Oklahoma, Georgia, Tennessee, Penn State, Auburn, Florida State, Georgia, Virginia Tech, LSU, Nebraska, Arkansas, and Texas A&M are all on the list. Absent, for some strange reason, are Miami and Notre Dame.

Bubba Benson, athletic director at Texas State University, offered analysis of the selections. "Of course them schools is on there. We created the top 25 fer them fellers. We don't give a flip about the Indiana States, the UTEPs, or the direction schools (Eastern Missiouri, Central Florida, etc.). This whole BCS thing and the ratings system is just about us big fellers."

When asked about Boise State, a team that finished in the top five last year, has the nations longest winning streak, and won an exciting bowl game against Oklahoma, Benson was confused. "Who they? Are they in one of them western conferences that don't count?"

After checking his rankings, Bubba noted that Boise State is ranked at number 24, which "is purdy nice fer us to give one of them little fellers what don't matter much."

When asked why the three schools voted in from the Western Athletic Conference and the Mountain West Conference were at spots 22, 23, and 24 and not higher in the rankings, while six different school from the SEC were in the top 21, Benson was frank and honest "Cuz we gotta throw them little pudknockers a bone and we really don't give a cow flop about 'em anyway."

College football's national championship game will take place on January 8th in New Orleans and will feature "two big schools that we like and none of them little guys what don't matter much."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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