Countrywide Bank sponsors surprise 5K marathon for its customers; denies a run on its deposits

Funny story written by Robert W. Armijo

Sunday, 19 August 2007

image for Countrywide Bank sponsors surprise 5K marathon for its customers; denies a run on its deposits
Countrywide Bank sponsors a 5K marathon for its customers to keep them healthy just because it cares

New York, New York - A spokesman for Countrywide Bank denied last Friday's line of customers outside its branch offices, withdrawing their deposits, was a run on their bank, but rather a 5K marathon they forgot to announce it was sponsoring to keep their customers healthy. They assured their customers and stockholders a shorted of liquidity did not effect any Federally insured deposits at Countrywide Bank.

"That's true," said a Banking industry spokesman. "All deposits up to 100,000 dollars are insured by the FDIC and as sound as the property and income tax base of our nation."

Economists point out, however, that it appears we are headed for a major recession. That with the number of foreclosures expected only to rise in the coming months, along with it unemployment figures as company begin to lay-off employees, deposits insured by the FDIC maybe of little comfort to an economy running out of short-term cash and built on credit.

"Credit it barrowed from the Saudis and the Chinese to fund the war in Iraq," said Joe Nemo, chief economist at the Cassandra Institute studying pending international economic crisis. "And unless they are willing to extend that line of credit, it looks like the bears will takeover the stock market as the bulls run for the commodities market to return to investing in the basics: shotgun shells and can goods."

When news of the surprise Countrywide Bank 5K marathon hit Wall Street, many of its health consciously minded stockbrokers decided join the health craze by carrying a pair of running shoes in their briefcases, just to be ready for the next one.

"I got a pair [running shoes] in my briefcase right now," said Todd Turner, New York stockbroker. "Right alongside my can of Campbell's tomato soup and my Berretta [handgun], so that way I'll be ready for anything."

"If this Countrywide Bank 5K marathon run on the bank for its customers is a success," continued the Countrywide spokesman. "It may lead to a countywide 5K marathon at a bank near you, too. So have your running shoes ready!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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