Dear Shreddies; an Angry Letter.

Written by Jaffa Forbes

Sunday, 19 August 2007


The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

Am I the only one outraged at Shreddies latest advertising display?

Here is an angry letter I'm drafting towards them.

Dear Shreddies, or should I call you Nestle?

I have recently observed your flagrant attempt at advertising your product to the younger generation using the device of so called 'Nanas'. Apparently - so your advert claims - these old ladies are responsible for the making of million upon millions of small cereal squares which you brand as 'Shreddies'.

Apart from the sheer impractically of this, there are a few other points I would like to make clear to the cotton-wool brains of your management.

Firstly, I for one am concerned about Health and Safety. Fair enough, I admire your stance on breaking conventional age discrimination in the workforce, but, surely it is unhygienic to have Granny's knitting my cereal? Your advert shows no gloves, hand wash, hairnets or other standard measures to avoid cross-contamination.
I am very concerned.

Secondly, I still feel you are desperately stereotyping old ladies (anybody, you claim, over the age of 50) as consistently liking to knit, have tweedy hair, wear several thousand shawls and have names that always end in 'y' like 'Dotty' and 'Peggy'.

Thirdly - are you aware you are breaking sex discrimination laws? Where are the Granddads?

Fourthly, at most importantly, I am afraid of the myths that you are brain-washing our young children into. They will grow up thinking their cereal is made by grannies with knitting needles, instead of the sheer truth that most produce is made by mass production and machinery.

What next? Santa Claus making Frosties? Elves working in the Weetabix Mine? Fairies magically producing Fairy Liquid?

Whilst I admire your cereal, I'm afraid I could easily shut your factories down in order to liberate those thousands of grannies you have unfairly used and branded.

Please regard this as an angry letter.

Jaffa Forbes.


The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more