The Wide Wide World of Sports is getting an upset again.
Not since that sports figure you all know and love did that thing that pissed people off has there been so much outrage at … sports! That past time which can make or break an entire nation. It’s how Britain decides who wins wars. Well, on the cricket pitch, anyway. (Coming soon: is cricket a sport for clairvoyants? Our inhouse psychic, Madame Zool, will shock you with her predictions! Call now and get 10% off at Shabba Rude Boy’s House of Jerked Goat!)
In the near future there will no longer be ONLY men and woman’s sports, and this includes the Olympics.
In order to solve the age-old debate (well, it’s been a debate since, what, 2019/2020 or so, when the pandemic started. Weird how the two issues became big at the same time. Chinese interference? Sun Tzu’s Art of War: frighten and confuse the enemy and he will be easily defeated)
Instead there will be four categories for all sports:
1.) Only Male (OM)
2.) Only Female (OF)
3.) Only Males With Vaginas (OMWV)
4.) Only Female With Penises (OFWP)
These are the new types of Homo sapiens. They’ve always existed, but not all ever had names – or, those names were known but little used. Now with well-used names, all can be loved and/or hated, depending on which nation and/or religious state you live in.
Since sports already kinda has these divisions, nothing should really change. Female Only basketball? The girls ain’t allowed to play with the 7 footer boys, and vice versa. Football (American), or football (European) or football (Australian rules) will all have their NEW divisions including the above four categories, even if some of those categories have never played Australian rules. (Traveling in a fried-out Kombi.)
Ice hockey versus ball hockey? Ballet? Gymnastics? Ballroom dancing? Breakdancing? Popping and locking? Four-gender luge? Talking on the goddamn phone when she knows I have an important call coming in!
Extreme Fighting Octagon Caged Death Match … who among the four wants to beat up, if not possibly kill, someone smaller and/or weaker than yourselves? The New Genetics has nothing to do with Evolution! Fuck you, Charles Darwin – I will see this you this Friday night in Madison Square Garden, no holds barred, cage match – find out if Mythology is Stronger than Evolution when the Pope-inator goes head-to-head with Chuckie “The Origin” Darwin!
Anyway, enough comedy, this is cereal …
Granted, I’ve seen tons of girls who can beat the shit out of ANY guy. Usually on the playground or on Twitter – where school fights are quality entertainment. So they would likely maim someone of their own category in the death match. Is weight a factor more than genitalia? And height? If you have a girl and a boy of equal weight and height, will they be equally matched?
And if not, I’ll put a deuce on the heavy-weight against the medium- or lightweight.
Essentially, even as people fight about what’s between other people’s legs, the Las Vegas bookie and his smarter clients are probably the only ones who will win any sport of the future. (There will be an intermission at all half-times for contentious debate and name-calling and possibly poo-throwing.)
Place your bets before more Homo sapiens are created overnight. Like, say, the steroid-injected neo-AI robotic Male-Female with a 20 inch neck and frosted tips in their genetically-spliced bouffant!
Get ready to rumble with that!
