"The Housewives of Tijuana" Wins An Emmy For Best Foreign Reality Show
HOLLYWOOD – (Satire News) – Mexico’s #1 reality show, “The Housewives of Tijuana” has just won an Emmy for being The Best Foreign Reality Show. The show’s star Josefina Delores Sanchez Johnson accepted the Emmy from her acting idol, Eva Longoria w…
Read full storyThe Pope Only Wants Animals to Kill, the Church Has Killed Its Fill
The Pope wants Joe Biden not to use federal tax dollars to fund abortions. The Pontiff has compared abortion to "hiring a hitman" and said human beings should stop acting like god and "leave killing to the animals." This from a man who claims to b…
Read full storyScreaming Layoffs for Big Stuffed Checks
Big companies need big paychecks, so Apple, Microsoft, Amazon and others are laying off tons of workers. “It’s not us, it’s the recession … it’s a much better excuse than blaming the rich,” said one source who ran screaming from my microphone.
Read full storyA Trump Not Called Horse
Due to the Stormy Daniels backlash, Donald Trump has tried to quell rumors that he has a very small penis. Others of his inner cabal, who have showered with him in golf course gym lockers, have said, Rudy Giuliani has read a prepared statement:…
Read full storyTrump Loves All the Pretty Horses
Donald Trump has called Stormy Daniels a horseface, and that he never had sex with her, and that he has sex with the greatest and she wasn’t one of them and he said he’s hung like a horse and you can ride him like a horse since he has such great endu…
Read full storyThe 5th Cereal: It’s Chock Full of Lies & Rat Shit
Donald has finally taken the Fifth! Yay! Everybody knows when a braggart talks, he eventually eats his owns words. Now, why not sit at Donald’s table and have a nice big bowl of 5th Cereal – a Trump brand product. May contain lies, brags, grop…
Read full storyAll-New Donald Orange Spray … For a Healthier-Looking Version of Whatever You Are
Donald Trump has now admitted that he uses a spray-on tan for that healthy orange glow. And now you can too! Want to look orange forever? When your actual skin is pasty and cadaver-esque and smells like the crypt, why not give it a good spray…
Read full storyBono Ready to Save America from Trump, or Ukraine from Putin
Superstar leader singer, BONO, (May His Name Be Forever Praised), has said that if Donald Trump tries to become the American president again, U2 and other musicians are ready to save America. Bono will call up all his friends in the music biz to h…
Read full storyMan not actually planning to worry
Man about town Gavin Williamson was told not to worry about something quite trivial and wasn't planning to worry about it at all, he revealed. Although not a bullying charisma-free zone like his political name-sake Gavin is not clearly one for tri…
Read full storyScotland Yard Has Just Opened Up An Office In Buckingham Palace
LONDON - (Satire News) - The BBC has just released a memo stating that Scotland Yard, now has an office in Buckingham Palace. BBC writer Oceana Figgly, stated that King Charles III, agreed to allow Scot Yard, to have an office in Buck House, and t…
Read full storyWhataburger Introduces Their WhataMargarita!
SAN ANTONIO, Texas - (Satire News) - The burger giant that was born in Corpus Christi, Texas back in 1950, and now resides in San Antonio, Texas has just introduced it's latest fantabulous menu addition. Whataburger, so named because it takes two…
Read full storyDairy Queen Says That Their New Smaller Mall Restaurants Will Be Known As Dairy Princess
FORT WORTH, Texas - (Business Satire) - The Dairy Queen Corporation has just made a fast food decision that will rock the fast food world. The powers-that-be at DQ have announced that their smaller mall restaurants will now be known as Dairy Princ…
Read full storyNew Movie - Pinocchio - He was Secretly Gay Before Being Famous - A Review
London's Sleaze newspaper has learned that Big Star Pinocchio is secretly Gay. He has been photographed banging wood with a Robinhood Puppet. Our exclusive (and expensive) photo reveals all. Of course, this was before his big break into H…
Read full storyAdam and Eve is a Jewish Fairy Tale - Stop Talking About Them
If A. and E. existed millions of year ago - there was no One around write down the story of them and the Garden of Eden. God hadn't created Stenographers or Writers yet. They would have been illiterate and also living in Sin, Is that a good m…
Read full storyIt’s the 1000th Annual Car Bomb Derby, Here in Basra, Afghanistan!
And there’s Mahmoud the Rude Dude in his funny car, loaded up with jugs of gasoline, all wired up and ready to go. And our favourite, Baba Holy Riley, in his dented boat – we think it used to be an Oldsmobile – and he’s got more explosives than a…
Read full storyRadio Free Kabul …Until the Cops Bust in
This is Achmed the Hoople comin’ at ya from Kabul, Afghanistan, playing all the hits right here on 98.9, the Jihad! And we have a caller! Go ahead, you’re on the air with Achmed! “Yeah, buddy, I want to hear Eagles playing ‘Witchy Woman’ – and…
Read full storyThe Nation's Oldest Hippie Just Turned 87
HAIGHT ASHBURY, California - (Satire News) - The Cosmos News Service reports that the country's oldest hippie has just turned 87. CNS reporter Armada Aquatica writes that California resident Woodlund "Roach Clip" Hippenmeister, who is a retired ci…
Read full storyComedy Bootcamp Hurts like a Bad Punchline
I enrolled in comedy boot camp, and it hurt! The Sarge was a jerk, always yelling and spitting when he talked, and forcing us to come up with jokes on the fly. I snuck in a recorder, just in case his abuse got too crazy and I had to sue his ass. H…
Read full storyScience Finds Orgasms are Good for Back Pain
After making 30 Men and women volunteers do a Scientific experiment - (some of the scientists participated as some of the women were attractive). It has been scientifically proven that frequent Sex is necessary for a man's healthy back. If y…
Read full storyKing Charles III, Says Parts of Buckingham Palace Will Have To Be Demolished
LONDON - (Satire News) - England's Royal Fog Research Group notes that Buckingham Palace is long overdue for some improvements. Buck House spokesman, Nigel Foote, states that the room where the palace guards stay smells like the Loch Ness Monster…
Read full storyRu Paul Had Enough Drag Guys for a Semi-Pro Football Team
RU Paul got all his ex - Drag contestants together and is starting a Charity football team - the Hollywood Rhinestones. A lot of these guys played 'Ball' in high school - so are familiar with the game. I saw them play a local team in Palo Al…
Read full storyBasil Blathering - History in 10 Seconds - Victorian Prostitutes Caused Global Warming
Global Warming started in the 1800's in England. Wealthy Victorian men loved their Prostitutes and there were huge numbers of the female Entrepreneurs in England. The coal - fired textile Mills were booming - so the male mill Workers had ple…
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